Am I a b*tch for feeling less attracted to my fiancé everyday…

[NotGotAClue1]

This sounds really petty but these things are driving me mad and really turning me off him. He drinks a can of pepsi for breakfast every morning and has several more throughout the day. If there is no clean cutlery, he’ll use the handle of a spoon to butter toast or a fork to eat a yoghurt etc. I actually have to tell him to wash his hands before he handles food. He is such a hardworking man but god he can be so slobbish and lazy with other stuff.

Gosh, so many people saying move on without knowing hardly anything about him!

It literally does not matter if he is a good person, emotionally and financially supportive, a good father, does his share of the household chores, lives his family, whatever. He uses a spoon handle to butter bread? Don’t even ask him to change, just LTB NOW!

I actually saw a video of using a spoon to butter bread (here is a link to a quick Google search www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/woman-hailed-genius-buttering-hack-30014172.amp)
So don't think it can be considered that big of a deal!!

Genuinely curious....why would his pepsi habit give people the ick?

@DivineLillith i got slightly open drawers😂

Rotten teeth, diabetes and obesity? Just guessing.

It’s not about objectively judging the guy. It’s about recognising that she has fallen out of love/lust with the guy. Romantic relationships require genuine attraction. They both deserve it. She cannot make herself be attracted to him if she is not. It doesn’t matter how worthy he might be. Human beings don’t work that way.

She gives us irrelevant details in the question that mislead us. If you strip it back, she is saying: I am not attracted to my fiancé. Does this make me a bad person?

Sensible answer: No, you are not a bad person for having the feelings that you do. It would however be a poor choice to marry someone you are not attracted to.

Because it’s weird to drink it in the AM?!

I like to go out for nice brunches. I enjoy good coffee. Tea in a pot. A grown man downing cans of Pepsi at breakfast like a 12 year old clutching cans of fizzy on the way to school would give me the ick. It’s not the healthiest way to get caffeine and probably indicates a childish palette too.

I worked with lots of men in their early thirties in retail who would also be knocking back Dr Pepper on the early shift and they were also overgrown 12 year olds.

Also terrible habit forming for children who will watch, see and think it’s normal to drink cans of fizzy pop for breakfast.

I LOVE Diet Coke. It’s my non alc drink of choice with lunch, always have a few cans in the fridge for when I want something cold- but i don’t drink it for breakfast every morning.

I get the thing about small things being irritating. However, as is commonly suggested on mumsnet you really should not think about binning a relationship on the back of spoon usage and pepsi consumption alone. You discuss your concerns calmly and note how important these things are to you. He may have absolutely no idea that you are concerned. No-one is perfect. There are habits my partner has I really do not like- and vice versa. Judgements need to be made on the whole of a relationship. A totally different matter if after you tell him that some of these things are important to you he does nothing, but spend time discussing first.

The intolerance in this thread is unbelievable. Get your toddler's father to move out of the family home because he butters bread with a spoon and drinks pepsi.

Or... perhaps he could be helped with a book such as Atomic Habits. All habits are just that. They can be changed. I know people who sat on a sofa throughout their 20's/30's and became ultra marathon runners in their late 30's/40's.

Talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling. I'd love to know an easy fix for making myself more attractive to my wife. The pepsi or diet coke in my case would be gone tomorrow!

Is he clean or dirty with the baby stuff? Like nappies and bottles and baby cutlery?

I think you need a more serious conversation rather than just have a comment on the moment. Tell him you want to have a talk. (This will scare him a bit)
Then when you do have the talk say a shot sandwich - lots of things you do love about him but you are feeling really upset about the slobbish ness, you feel notnlistened to but worse it's impacting your attraction

😂

Rotten teeth, diabetes and obesity? Just guessing.

But he could well have none of those, they're not inevitable. And people have those things without drinking Pepsi, and have loving partners. It's fair enough if it puts the OP off, but a sweeping generalisation to extend beyond that.

This is exactly what it reminds me of! Those kids walking to school at 8 in the morning drinking fizzy drinks and eating crisps 🤢. I told him this morning he can’t do this when our son is older because I don’t want him thinking that it’s normal but he is just dismissive and thinks I’m getting on at him.

Lol wtf

It is a bit rich when people drink wine every night and kids see that as normal. It's just your particular bugbear, fair enough as I say, but to be so bothered by it suggests you're just not that into him any more.

The cutelry thing I would do. We have a dishwasher as both me and DP despise washing up.

The Pepsi thing 🤷‍♀️. If he has always done it then why make a big deal out of it now. There are plenty of ' acceptable' breakfast foods that contain that level of sugar. For example Nutella on toast would have the same amount. Would you leave him for that?

I'm sorry but think your overreacting. Is there anything else going on? Mabey some councilling? I am very guilty of getting irrationally angry at DP over minor thing especially when the kids have been acting up or not sleeping.

What is going so wrong in the upbringing of girls in our society that they will tolerate this shit over being single?
Why do you stay?
To the op and others on this thread.
You don't have to have a miserable life ladies any more, in relationships with disgusting (coke), lazy, selfish (spoon) misogynistic (nag) men. Move on. Go it alone. Be happy.

It’s not really the same. With alcohol you just say to kids. ‘This is adults only. It tastes yucky to kids and makes them ill.’ And they accept it.

If their dad has for breakfast a drink they can and do drink, they WILL want it too. It will set up problems for the future.

But your making the assumption that every woman is perfect. If my DP had a go at me for using the wrong cutlery or drinking a suagary drink he would be told buzz off.

Both males and females are capable of having bad habits and the stuff she is describing while may be mildly irritating is not in any way a deal breaker.

If you low key can’t stand someone, little things they do give you the rage. My partner does quirky things, however it doesn’t bother me in the slightest, even if they were the same things you describe.

Just my ex breathing in and out wound me the fuck up. The problem isn’t his habits, it’s that you don’t even like him, trust me.

There are all sorts of little things me & DH do that sound worse than this, but they are just quirks, they are not the measure of the person.

I can’t leave the room without him putting some bloody nature documentary on, he’s birdwatching hobby can sometimes drive me up the wall (I have shelves of books, and he can spend hours on a spreadsheet), I’m sociable and love having parties … he’s a bit of a grump. He hates that I don’t put tops back on bottles properly, and a slightly more messy. .. I could go on

At the end of it my husband is a loving, caring, honest and faithful man, he is respectful, we virtually never row, we laugh everyday, he brings me a cup of tea every morning, and have looked after me since my parent became ill, I looked after him in his depression, as he looked after me in mine. I’m lucky to be married to him (and vice versa)

He sounds grim and very lazy

Another product of ‘dear mother’s’ love ie they do nothing for themselves and now they’re grown up and mum is no longer there, they have no idea how to function in the real world.
Seriously though, if you feel like this now what ever you do, do not marry him!! These issues will get worse as he transfers his reliance on mummy to you and reverts to type… and he will! Don’t do it.