AIBU to think this is sexual discrimination?

[Blondie6123]

I Went out this evening for food at a large national pub chain.

I feel slightly embarrassed to publish this, as I have been made to feel like an irresponsible parent, whereas on the contrary I am a very responsible and conscientious person.

I am currently breastfeeding and I know some people choose not to drink but I have done my research and I am happy to have the occasional drink and still feed on the rare occasion. I strongly feel this is personal choice.

I had two glasses of wine over the space of over 2 hours and then ordered a meal with a further glass of wine, which to be honest I would not usually do but this my first time out since my son was born and I was enjoying having time with my partner out of the house.

We sat discretely in the corner and I breastfed my son on our arrival, I had a bottle of pre made formula with me which my partner gave to our son during the evening. It was during this time I consumed two glasses of wine without any issue and without being intoxicated due to the time elapsed.

We then ordered food and a subsequent drink. My son then required a further feed and I started to breastfeed which I felt was fine due to having two alcoholic drinks over a number of hours and feeling sober. Soon after this the manager came over and said I could have no more to drink as we were in charge of a child and mumbled something about pregnant women and a two drink policy if there are children present.

I would understand but there were people in there with children running riot and drinking what they wanted without any intervention or enforcement of the two drink policy. I understand if it’s company policy but surely it becomes discriminatory when not applied universally to the pub clientele and only targeted and the only breastfeeder in the pub? I explained we had been there for a number of hours and I was hardly downing sambucca’s!

I am without doubt that the reason for this intervention was because I had started to breastfeed and this was confirmed by the comment about pregnant woman (as I am not pregnant and clearly the issue was some concern around alcohol transmission through breastfeeding).

I have come away feeling so ashamed and upset. I was at no point drunk or intoxicated and had spaced out drinks adequately to feel I was safe enough to feed my child.

AIBU to think this treatment was discriminatory and unfair? Or should I not be breastfeeding and having alcohol in public again?

Oh mate, you won't get a good response on here because you've exceeded the MN limit of half a glass of sherry every 18 months. 😂

Stand your ground. I agree with u but the rest of MN won't

Well it’s not really the pub’s business but I wouldn’t have breastfeed after 3 glasses of wine. The best time to drink is when you’re actually breastfeeding because the milk they’re taking is already made, and then you have the max amount of time for the alcohol to pass through your system before the next feed, or even pump and dump the next lot.

If it’s a two drink policy if you’re with a child and it applies to both parents where is the discrimination?

You are definitely not being unreasonable but folk like to judge.
I was once told I was only allowed 2 drinks because my kids were there, my husband wasn't drinking but nevertheless i was told no more than two. So I ordered a bottle of wine which they gave me!

When I worked in a restaurant (years ago mind!) we had a two drink rule for anyone in charge of children, male or female. Particularly young children, especially babies. It was just the policy, not sure it would be classed as discrimination as it was applied across all customers with children - tbh though I'm not sure it ever got challenged.

If you're comfortable drinking and breastfeeding that's all up to you and your choices which is 100% up to you, but I'm not sure it's technically sexual discrimination for them to refuse further service? Might be worth dropping the manager an email or similar to have a chat about it and find out the official stance?

It's wetherspoons policy that parents with kids only have two. Question of sexism depends on whether your husband was told the same.

I’ve had the same two drink policy when eating with my elderly mother and two teenage kids (2 drinks per adult) and mother wasn’t even drinking alchohol! so I think it’s more a responsibility approach than a discriminatory approach.
bearing in mind it’s a weatherspoons, they have probably had to put this in place due to people coming in with kids and drinking too much (as a chain of pubs not just individual outlets)
I wouldn’t take it personally or as a discrimination unless you saw male parents being served unlimited drinks while with kids

😂 😂 😂 🤣

NHS advice is wait at least 2 hours after having a drink, and 2-3 hours for each drink, so after three glasses the NHS would advise a breastfeeder to wait a pretty long time
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/breastfeeding-and-lifestyle/alcohol/

Some chains do have drink policies with kids. 3 glasses of wine and then breastfeeding the baby is a bit much in my opinion, but nothing to be ashamed about. It’s not the greatest choice, but it is your choice. Also totally fair of the venue to have their own limits on how much alcohol they serve to people in charge of kids.

It’s got nothing to do with breastfeeding and everything to do with them trying to shift their image away from trashy people who get shitfaced whilst ignoring their kids. Was your boyfriend also restricted to 2 drinks? That’s all that’s relevant here.

Half a glass of sherry🤣🤣

I didn’t know about the two-drink rule for people with children, but it sounds pretty common from the replies. I think the policy should be made clear on arrival, to avoid embarrassing/unpleasant situations like this. A big fat sign on the bar and tables, and written in big letters on the menu.

I thought it was no more than 2 units of alcohol at a time, once or twice a week. I used to have one cider and then stop when I was breastfeeding, because the info on the bottle was exactly 2 units.
No idea if that's the current/right advice but that's what I was told six years ago.

Irregardless of the NHS advice on breastfeeding - which is up to you - the idea that the rule is to stop people letting their kids run around when you’re looking after a babe in arms is disingenuous.

YANBU.

3 glasses of wine while breastfeeding is terrible. Seriously, I would not have wanted to serve you a third one at all

Although, saying that, what size ? I'm automatically thinking the 250ml size so a full bottle, were they small glasses?

It’s not to just stop kids running around, it’s to make sure children are properly taken care of/safe. A drunk person breastfeeding isn’t safe. OP may not have been drunk but 3 glasses in she will have been heading that way if she carried on.

I don't normally comment on these but I do think 3 glasses whilst breastfeeding is a bit excessive. Most people will start to feel tipsy or worse on that amount of wine. I get having a small glass but I think having more than that should be saved for an occasion where you have bottles already made up. It's not really fair or responsible to put that in to a baby's system.

Alcohol can pass into your breastmilk and then into your baby when you feed them.
An occasional drink is unlikely to harm your baby especially if you wait at least 2 hours after having a drink before feeding..

this is the NHS guidance. babies are at risk of apnoea for various reasons, they are also not able to metabolise alcohol anywhere near as effectively. even a relatively low amount can cause issues...

depending on the size of wine glass it's likely 2 units. so 3 glasses = 6 units. and as someone who has developed alcohol tolerance, one may have a significant blood alcohol level without 'feeling drunk'. for example we are extremely cautious when prescribing any sedatives or strong analgesics for breastfeeding mums. this is not about judgement, I am sure the restaurant could have handled it better. I would recommend 2 units and them two hour break before feeding. maybe have a proper night off and just give baby expressed milk or formula when you want to enjoy a drink?

The guidance on breastfeeding and drinking is based on the dangers of being drunk and accidentally hurting your baby (people usually drink in the evening and may go on to to cosleep) or not caring for them properly. There is limited evidence that alcohol in the bloodstream affects a baby, but there are some studies.
At 0.4% blood alcohol level, you would be so hammered that you'd be in a coma and probably die. At that level, your breast milk would be as alcoholic as orange juice.
No one is ever going to say you can get hammered and feed your baby because it wouldn't be safe to hold or sleep with your baby at that point.

It's been years since I've worked in a bar but, from what I remember, the duty manager can refuse service to whoever they like.

Pubs have a legal responsibility to make judgements about who they serve alcohol.

I've never heard of the two drink rule for parents but the fact it exists shows that these pubs have had issues with parents crossing the acceptable line and not being able to look after their kids.

You may feel offended that you were tarred with that brush but they weren't wrong to stop serving you.

One of the 4 principals for license to sell alcohol is the protection of children from harm so at least their policy has some legal foundation.

*obviously alcohol that transfers into breastmilk affects babies, but the levels are so so small it's absolutely not the same as them consuming the same or a large portion of what you have had to drink.