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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is sexual discrimination?

133 replies

Blondie6123 · 31/07/2023 21:03

I Went out this evening for food at a large national pub chain.

I feel slightly embarrassed to publish this, as I have been made to feel like an irresponsible parent, whereas on the contrary I am a very responsible and conscientious person.

I am currently breastfeeding and I know some people choose not to drink but I have done my research and I am happy to have the occasional drink and still feed on the rare occasion. I strongly feel this is personal choice.

I had two glasses of wine over the space of over 2 hours and then ordered a meal with a further glass of wine, which to be honest I would not usually do but this my first time out since my son was born and I was enjoying having time with my partner out of the house.

We sat discretely in the corner and I breastfed my son on our arrival, I had a bottle of pre made formula with me which my partner gave to our son during the evening. It was during this time I consumed two glasses of wine without any issue and without being intoxicated due to the time elapsed.

We then ordered food and a subsequent drink. My son then required a further feed and I started to breastfeed which I felt was fine due to having two alcoholic drinks over a number of hours and feeling sober. Soon after this the manager came over and said I could have no more to drink as we were in charge of a child and mumbled something about pregnant women and a two drink policy if there are children present.

I would understand but there were people in there with children running riot and drinking what they wanted without any intervention or enforcement of the two drink policy. I understand if it’s company policy but surely it becomes discriminatory when not applied universally to the pub clientele and only targeted and the only breastfeeder in the pub? I explained we had been there for a number of hours and I was hardly downing sambucca’s!

I am without doubt that the reason for this intervention was because I had started to breastfeed and this was confirmed by the comment about pregnant woman (as I am not pregnant and clearly the issue was some concern around alcohol transmission through breastfeeding).

I have come away feeling so ashamed and upset. I was at no point drunk or intoxicated and had spaced out drinks adequately to feel I was safe enough to feed my child.

AIBU to think this treatment was discriminatory and unfair? Or should I not be breastfeeding and having alcohol in public again?

OP posts:
ichundich · 01/08/2023 11:24

I think it's understandable how you felt, but I do think 3 glasses of wine in a couple of hours is generally a bit too much, even when not breastfeeding.

drpet49 · 01/08/2023 11:37

SilkyMint · 01/08/2023 11:15

Honestly, good for them. Your right to decide how much you drink and bf, but the pub don't have to let you do it on their premises. I think child safety is everyone's business, and too many people just look the other way. Three glasses of wine in the span of a few hours while breastfeeding is a massive amount. Not just in terms of the alcohol passing to the baby but only a hardened alcohol drinker would feel sober enough to care for a child after that amount.

If your DH wasn't drinking then it's a bit different as at least one adult would be safe to be in charge of the baby, but still you have the issue of essentially giving your baby alcohol.

This.

10HailMarys · 01/08/2023 11:37

It isn’t discriminatory if the rule applies to parents in general, not just mothers.

It is your choice to breastfeed after three glasses of wine, but that doesn’t mean any establishment has to bend their usual rules for you.

You don’t say what size glasses they were, but a large glass is 250ml so three glasses is a full bottle. A medium glass is 175ml so about three-quarters of a bottle. Up to you to decide whether you think that’s OK. I personally wouldn’t drink that much if I had a small baby in tow, regardless of whether I was breastfeeding.

SilkyMint · 01/08/2023 11:39

Honestly can't imagine ever drinking while taking care of my toddler, let alone when they were a newborn. I know this is MN so there'll be lots of people saying it's totally normal and fine to drink and get drunk while caring for small children but in the real world, I don't know anyone that would be like oh, I'm caring for my toddler/baby, let me drink a bottle of wine. How could your judgment not be impaired? What if there was a medical issue and you needed to get to hospital?

FOJN · 01/08/2023 11:48

The discussion is not about whether OP should be drinking if she is breast feeding, Wetherspoons have neither the expertise or authority to express an opinion on that.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for them to impose a drink limit on parents in charge of children. I doubt the pub wants the responsibility of maintaining a child's safety because the parents are pissed.

Whether this is discriminatory is a legal question but I think it's one worth asking if your husband was served more than two drinks without reference to the policy.

MisschiefMaker · 01/08/2023 12:34

I am confused. How much was your DH drinking and was he prevented from drinking too?

greenteaandmarshmallows · 01/08/2023 12:37

Lemonfanta4 · 31/07/2023 21:11

If it’s a two drink policy if you’re with a child and it applies to both parents where is the discrimination?

Was this the policy? I'm unclear

gogomoto · 01/08/2023 12:39

It's not uncommon for pubs to have a limit for parents to stop them having drunk parents. I've seen signs up recently saying 2 drinks max and must order food

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 01/08/2023 12:44

No I don’t believe it was discrimination, they refused to serve you more alcohol, not service.

Ladyoftheknight · 01/08/2023 13:07

Don't drink while breastfeeding, it's very simple. Put down the glass or bring more formula!

Peony654 · 01/08/2023 13:10

I’d be making a formal complaint. It’s your choice, nothing to do with them. If you were very drunk, fair enough.

luckylavender · 01/08/2023 13:11

I don't think 3 glasses of wine is an occasional drink.

Peony654 · 01/08/2023 13:11

It’s discrimination if it was directed at you, rather than your DH-assuming he was having the same number of alcoholic drinks as you.

Peony654 · 01/08/2023 13:13

temosmail · 31/07/2023 23:35

No it's not. When you consume alcohol it goes into your blood stream and that goes into the milk.

OP you fucked up drinking three glasses of wine and breastfeed

Show quote history

Horrible comment and totally untrue. You’d have to drink a very high amount to have an impact on your breast milk.

wineschmine · 01/08/2023 13:17

How old is your child?

I wouldn't drink whilst bf a newborn, but as they get older I would have a drink.

I would feel uncomfortable seeing a breastfeeding mother drinking 3 glasses of wine whilst feeding a newborn though.

Emmamoo89 · 01/08/2023 13:31

temosmail · 31/07/2023 23:38

Because pumping and dumping doesn't work....

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It won't affect the baby tho.

Emmamoo89 · 01/08/2023 13:33

temosmail · 31/07/2023 23:35

No it's not. When you consume alcohol it goes into your blood stream and that goes into the milk.

OP you fucked up drinking three glasses of wine and breastfeed

Show quote history

It doesn't go to the milk. Its totally fine. It wether you can handle the baby when you've had a drink.

IhearyouClemFandango · 01/08/2023 13:33

calmcoco · 31/07/2023 21:22

NHS advice is wait at least 2 hours after having a drink, and 2-3 hours for each drink, so after three glasses the NHS would advise a breastfeeder to wait a pretty long time
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/breastfeeding-and-lifestyle/alcohol/

The NHS are notoriously crap with regards breast feeding

Emmamoo89 · 01/08/2023 13:34

Mayhem3 · 31/07/2023 23:02

Ermmm what??

Of course it does.

Where do you think breast milk comes from?
Where does the nutrients in breast milk come from?

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You'd have to have alcohol poisoning for it to go in to the milk.

IhearyouClemFandango · 01/08/2023 13:43

I wouldn't drink while BF is co-sleeping with a little one, because of the co-sleeping and sleeping more deeply. But this thread just demonstrates the lack of understanding around BF and the public's haste to come down hard on women.

The amount of alcohol that gets through to milk is minimal, you have to be entering near on alcohol poisoning for it to start getting to critical levels for a baby.

By all means choose not to, but don't criticise other women for making an informed choice.

MissJoGrant · 01/08/2023 13:54

SilkyMint:

"What if there was a medical issue and you needed to get to hospital?"

Uber.

KarmaStar · 01/08/2023 14:10

Think you were being too self indulgent tbh.
That alcohol will go into your baby.
At what point would you have stopped drinking if not been told no more?
Agree with pp that if you are going to drink more than two glasses then formula feed your baby.
Yabu to claim sexism.
I've often been left holding the baby when intoxicated parents nicked for being under the influence whilst supposedly caring for their dc so perhaps I'm a bit biased having dealt with very upset children.

Soontobe60 · 01/08/2023 14:21

pambeeslyhalpert2 · 31/07/2023 22:06

@nocoolnamesleft no it dosent

I have a 20 month old. At my nct breastfeeding session we were told alcohol dosent get into the milk. That's been backed up by plenty of people inc drs, HVs etc.

Did the teacher have a bottle of gin up her sleeve and 20 benson & Hedges in her pocket whilst telling you this incorrect ‘fact’?
😂 🍷

Mayhem3 · 01/08/2023 15:43

Emmamoo89 · 01/08/2023 13:34

You'd have to have alcohol poisoning for it to go in to the milk.

Show quote history

Alcohol does go into the milk.

It may be at a smaller dose than what the mum is drinking but it absolutely goes into the milk.

SilkyMint · 01/08/2023 15:58

Emmamoo89 · 01/08/2023 13:34

You'd have to have alcohol poisoning for it to go in to the milk.

Show quote history

This is a myth.

Honestly wish I was shocked that NCT are teaching new parents it's safe to drink alcohol and bf because no alcohol goes into the milk. I assume they're saying the same about everything a person imbibes. Nicotine, alcohol, cocaine, antidepressants, benzos, heroin... or is alcohol the only substance that magically doesn't transfer?