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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is sexual discrimination?

133 replies

Blondie6123 · 31/07/2023 21:03

I Went out this evening for food at a large national pub chain.

I feel slightly embarrassed to publish this, as I have been made to feel like an irresponsible parent, whereas on the contrary I am a very responsible and conscientious person.

I am currently breastfeeding and I know some people choose not to drink but I have done my research and I am happy to have the occasional drink and still feed on the rare occasion. I strongly feel this is personal choice.

I had two glasses of wine over the space of over 2 hours and then ordered a meal with a further glass of wine, which to be honest I would not usually do but this my first time out since my son was born and I was enjoying having time with my partner out of the house.

We sat discretely in the corner and I breastfed my son on our arrival, I had a bottle of pre made formula with me which my partner gave to our son during the evening. It was during this time I consumed two glasses of wine without any issue and without being intoxicated due to the time elapsed.

We then ordered food and a subsequent drink. My son then required a further feed and I started to breastfeed which I felt was fine due to having two alcoholic drinks over a number of hours and feeling sober. Soon after this the manager came over and said I could have no more to drink as we were in charge of a child and mumbled something about pregnant women and a two drink policy if there are children present.

I would understand but there were people in there with children running riot and drinking what they wanted without any intervention or enforcement of the two drink policy. I understand if it’s company policy but surely it becomes discriminatory when not applied universally to the pub clientele and only targeted and the only breastfeeder in the pub? I explained we had been there for a number of hours and I was hardly downing sambucca’s!

I am without doubt that the reason for this intervention was because I had started to breastfeed and this was confirmed by the comment about pregnant woman (as I am not pregnant and clearly the issue was some concern around alcohol transmission through breastfeeding).

I have come away feeling so ashamed and upset. I was at no point drunk or intoxicated and had spaced out drinks adequately to feel I was safe enough to feed my child.

AIBU to think this treatment was discriminatory and unfair? Or should I not be breastfeeding and having alcohol in public again?

OP posts:

SilkyMint · 01/08/2023 15:59

MissJoGrant · 01/08/2023 13:54

SilkyMint:

"What if there was a medical issue and you needed to get to hospital?"

Uber.

So if both parents are drunk they'd get an uber back home, get the car seat, and the baby, install the car seat in the uber, and off they go?

Seems a bit stressful when you're drunk and your child is poorly tbh

Bumbers · 01/08/2023 16:17

User65412 · 31/07/2023 21:50

The guidance on breastfeeding and drinking is based on the dangers of being drunk and accidentally hurting your baby (people usually drink in the evening and may go on to to cosleep) or not caring for them properly. There is limited evidence that alcohol in the bloodstream affects a baby, but there are some studies.
At 0.4% blood alcohol level, you would be so hammered that you'd be in a coma and probably die. At that level, your breast milk would be as alcoholic as orange juice.
No one is ever going to say you can get hammered and feed your baby because it wouldn't be safe to hold or sleep with your baby at that point.

This!!!!

temosmail · 01/08/2023 16:53

IhearyouClemFandango · 01/08/2023 13:43

I wouldn't drink while BF is co-sleeping with a little one, because of the co-sleeping and sleeping more deeply. But this thread just demonstrates the lack of understanding around BF and the public's haste to come down hard on women.

The amount of alcohol that gets through to milk is minimal, you have to be entering near on alcohol poisoning for it to start getting to critical levels for a baby.

By all means choose not to, but don't criticise other women for making an informed choice.

"Coming down on women". Only women can breastfeed.

IhearyouClemFandango · 01/08/2023 21:14

Yes exactly. So another stick to beat women with.

abyssinianrosette · 01/08/2023 21:32

towriteyoumustlive · 31/07/2023 22:17

Lots of pubs have this policy. Nothing to do with gender or breastfeeding. Only 2 drinks if you have kids with you. Blanket policy.

That's very sensible. Not good to be drunk and in charge of kids.

temosmail · 02/08/2023 01:22

IhearyouClemFandango · 01/08/2023 21:14

Yes exactly. So another stick to beat women with.

Someone who is breast feeding and in their third glass of wine and puts their baby in to feed..... sounds like an irresponsible person.

salsmum · 02/08/2023 23:34

What happened to the 'good ol days?' When my mum worked as a barmaid she'd get the customer to hand over the car keys when she thought they'd had enough... the lives she saved would have given her a medal 🏅 😉

Yusay · 03/08/2023 00:10

In England, it’s a criminal offence to be drunk and in charge of a child while in a public place. Maybe you were unaffected by 3 glasses of wine but that’s quite enough to get some people drunk.

Anyway, drinking alcohol while breastfeeding is definitely very bad for the baby, your reasons don’t matter, it’s a fact. Well done to the manager for intervening.

And of course it’s not sex discrimination 😂

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