AIBU to think this is sexual discrimination?

[Blondie6123]

I Went out this evening for food at a large national pub chain.

I feel slightly embarrassed to publish this, as I have been made to feel like an irresponsible parent, whereas on the contrary I am a very responsible and conscientious person.

I am currently breastfeeding and I know some people choose not to drink but I have done my research and I am happy to have the occasional drink and still feed on the rare occasion. I strongly feel this is personal choice.

I had two glasses of wine over the space of over 2 hours and then ordered a meal with a further glass of wine, which to be honest I would not usually do but this my first time out since my son was born and I was enjoying having time with my partner out of the house.

We sat discretely in the corner and I breastfed my son on our arrival, I had a bottle of pre made formula with me which my partner gave to our son during the evening. It was during this time I consumed two glasses of wine without any issue and without being intoxicated due to the time elapsed.

We then ordered food and a subsequent drink. My son then required a further feed and I started to breastfeed which I felt was fine due to having two alcoholic drinks over a number of hours and feeling sober. Soon after this the manager came over and said I could have no more to drink as we were in charge of a child and mumbled something about pregnant women and a two drink policy if there are children present.

I would understand but there were people in there with children running riot and drinking what they wanted without any intervention or enforcement of the two drink policy. I understand if it’s company policy but surely it becomes discriminatory when not applied universally to the pub clientele and only targeted and the only breastfeeder in the pub? I explained we had been there for a number of hours and I was hardly downing sambucca’s!

I am without doubt that the reason for this intervention was because I had started to breastfeed and this was confirmed by the comment about pregnant woman (as I am not pregnant and clearly the issue was some concern around alcohol transmission through breastfeeding).

I have come away feeling so ashamed and upset. I was at no point drunk or intoxicated and had spaced out drinks adequately to feel I was safe enough to feed my child.

AIBU to think this treatment was discriminatory and unfair? Or should I not be breastfeeding and having alcohol in public again?

Literally*

Nothing wrong with what you did wrt effects on your child, this is a good study, second half of page 3 is the useful data. The manager’s policy was judgey but likely based on people not controlling their kids.
heaven knows the early months are tough, I hope you had a lovely evening. Ignore the pearl clutching half-a-sherry drinkers
https://www.e-lactancia.org/media/papers/AlcoholBF-BasClinPharTox2014.pdf

Ermmm what??

Of course it does.

Where do you think breast milk comes from?
Where does the nutrients in breast milk come from?

The NHS is notoriously slow on updating it's online guidance. I think it was 4 years between the NHS accepting the research and disseminating it to staff before they eventually updated the online guidance in reference to lion stamped eggs.

Jesus Christ, since when did we decide that Wetherspoon's servers could police women's choices? If other parents were there drinking with children running around and the father wasn't told he couldn't have another drink, then this is very obviously sex discrimination. OP isn't asking for feedback on her breastfeeding decisions, which are hers to make.

This is bullshit.. alcohol in breastmilk is minimal and akin to a shot of vodka in a swimming pool!

As long as you are are safe to hold your baby you are safe to feed! And even if intoxicated with alcohol it's the safety around parental supervision not the alcohol level of your breastmilk that is the case.

It sounds like a lot of alcohol to be breastfeeding but then I rarely drink and would def be three sheets to the wind after 3 glasses of wine. But I wasn’t aware of the two drink policy so seems fair to me assuming they told DP too.

No it's not. When you consume alcohol it goes into your blood stream and that goes into the milk.

OP you fucked up drinking three glasses of wine and breastfeed

You had five glasses of wine and breastfeed. Idiot.

Based on which research?

Because pumping and dumping doesn't work....

@MutantTurtles based on the fact that there is alcohol in her blood and therefore going to go in the breast milk.

It's absolutely reckless and selfish to breast feed straight after drinking five glasses of wine.

Alcohol - poison.

Baby - takes the alcohol.

Don't risk it, bottle feed. Ffs.

If a man was to do this you would be up in arms.

And OP you were pushed.

Pissed*. Five glasses of wine = Standard glass of red/white/rosé wine (175ml, ABV 12%)
2.1 units

10.5 units.

You shouldn't have breast feed for 10 hours after your last drink.

You need research to tell you that 3 glasses of wine might not be a good idea when responsible for kids?

But it is her place to follow company policy, which she was doing.

I read the OP again - I think it was only 2 glasses in the space of 2 hours, both before the meal and that was it. The one ordered with the meal wasn't served because of the 2 drink limit. Not sure where people are getting 5 from?

"I had two glasses of wine over the space of over 2 hours and then ordered a meal with a further glass of wine,"

So three glasses/a bottle of wine she was having whilst breast feeding.....

Baby was fed on arrival and got hungry two hours later.

All OP needed to do was bring enough formula so she didn't have to breast feed whilst drinking.

And can you provide the evidence that the stated amount of alcohol is harmful?

The comment I responded was specifically about drinking and breastfeeding

Honestly, good for them. Your right to decide how much you drink and bf, but the pub don't have to let you do it on their premises. I think child safety is everyone's business, and too many people just look the other way. Three glasses of wine in the span of a few hours while breastfeeding is a massive amount. Not just in terms of the alcohol passing to the baby but only a hardened alcohol drinker would feel sober enough to care for a child after that amount.

If your DH wasn't drinking then it's a bit different as at least one adult would be safe to be in charge of the baby, but still you have the issue of essentially giving your baby alcohol.

It’s ridiculous to try and claim sexual discrimination over this. Clearly, your judgment on various things isn’t great OP.

If I were a waiter in this restaurant I wouldn’t want to be responsible for serving so much alcohol to someone who was breastfeeding just because I’d feel uncomfortable with it. The manager did the right thing by protecting his staff from being in that position. You can make your own choices about how much alcohol you drink while breastfeeding but if you want someone else to facilitate that choice for you by drinking in a restaurant, then other people’s opinions matter. Protecting vulnerable children is everyone’s business.

[Moving away from how much alcohol is OK when breastfeeding because its clearly complicated and I myself have got mycalculations wrong above... oops!] ...

I think op it wasn't sex discrimination on balance. I think there are lots of situations where wetherspoons might refuse to serve and it probably affects men actually more often than women if anything (rightfully so).

If someone is drinking too much and staff are worried about their behaviour

If parents are drinking too much and staff are worried about the kids' behaviour

If someone is drinking and staff reasonably suspect they're planning to drive home.

It becomes too difficult for staff to judge on a case by case basis so they just have blanket rules. Parents with kids (of any age)? Two drinks max.

Fwiw I also think I'd be sympathetic if staff refused to serve strong alcohol to a woman who was visibly pregnant. It's illegal to drink when pg of course (and I do have the odd half glass of wine once in a while) but I can see why they'd refuse to serve me with my massive bump. We are all a society looking after each other.

In my mum's country, traditional medicine rules say certain foods like coconut eaten to excess can cause premature birth (might well be BS) and my mum told me once that a market stall owner (older woman) refused to sell her coconut when she was pregnant with me and gave her a little lecture. She wasn't offended but kind of touched cos it came from a caring place.

So even if the staff took it upon themselves to decide not to serve you as you were BF, i wouldn't see that as a judgy thing, more just everyone looking out for each other

Is it Wetherspoons ? I believe they have a 2 drink per person policy to anyone who has small kids with them. The policy I believe applies to males and females. So not discrimination. Even if it was indirect discrimination ie more likely to impact females I reckon they could try and justify it on the basis that people looking after kids shouldn’t be intoxicated. It’s nothing to do with pregnancy or BFing.

I think breastfeeding is a bit of a straw man argument here. The staff member didn't say that breastfeeding mothers are refused service, they said there is a 2 drink limit for people with kids.

Unless she was counting the drinks of everyone around her, I'm not sure how she can say that they only imposed this on her.

Op was also unclear about whether her partner was also drinking and if the limit applied to him as well.

That should say iys NOT illegal to drink when pg!