AIBU to think this is sexual discrimination?

[Blondie6123]

I Went out this evening for food at a large national pub chain.

I feel slightly embarrassed to publish this, as I have been made to feel like an irresponsible parent, whereas on the contrary I am a very responsible and conscientious person.

I am currently breastfeeding and I know some people choose not to drink but I have done my research and I am happy to have the occasional drink and still feed on the rare occasion. I strongly feel this is personal choice.

I had two glasses of wine over the space of over 2 hours and then ordered a meal with a further glass of wine, which to be honest I would not usually do but this my first time out since my son was born and I was enjoying having time with my partner out of the house.

We sat discretely in the corner and I breastfed my son on our arrival, I had a bottle of pre made formula with me which my partner gave to our son during the evening. It was during this time I consumed two glasses of wine without any issue and without being intoxicated due to the time elapsed.

We then ordered food and a subsequent drink. My son then required a further feed and I started to breastfeed which I felt was fine due to having two alcoholic drinks over a number of hours and feeling sober. Soon after this the manager came over and said I could have no more to drink as we were in charge of a child and mumbled something about pregnant women and a two drink policy if there are children present.

I would understand but there were people in there with children running riot and drinking what they wanted without any intervention or enforcement of the two drink policy. I understand if it’s company policy but surely it becomes discriminatory when not applied universally to the pub clientele and only targeted and the only breastfeeder in the pub? I explained we had been there for a number of hours and I was hardly downing sambucca’s!

I am without doubt that the reason for this intervention was because I had started to breastfeed and this was confirmed by the comment about pregnant woman (as I am not pregnant and clearly the issue was some concern around alcohol transmission through breastfeeding).

I have come away feeling so ashamed and upset. I was at no point drunk or intoxicated and had spaced out drinks adequately to feel I was safe enough to feed my child.

AIBU to think this treatment was discriminatory and unfair? Or should I not be breastfeeding and having alcohol in public again?

I had some alcohol whilst breastfeeding so no judgment on that. But a whole bottle of wine (3x large glasses) whilst in charge of a small baby feels a lot to me, unless your husband had had significantly less and was taking full charge of the baby overnight. A whole bottle of wine when I had a young baby so hadn’t drunk for 9 months and was sleep deprived would have got me very drunk!!

The fact you said you didn’t feel the effects of 3 glasses of wine, especially after recently being pregnant and presumably not drinking much, suggests you drink way too much.

It's absolutely fine to drink and breastfeed. That waitress knows nothing and isn't her place to mum shame you

The restaurant has a two alcoholic drink policy.

I don't think it was discrimination of any kind at all.

I sis t even know that restaurants had this policy and it's very commendable.

Is it absolutely fine to be drunk while holding/feeding/caring for a baby?

Why?? Alcohol dosent get into the milk so what's the issue?

@TeaKitten I didn't say that. I said it was fine to drink and breastfeed.... which it is. The op clearly isn't blotto is she

In your opinion it is. Why is she clearly not blotto? She might not be now but 3+ glasses of wine was clearly tipsy or drunk. Breastfeeding isn’t the only issue here. Whilst breastfeeding she is holding/feeding/caring for the baby.

But alcohol does get into the milk.

Yes it does.

@nocoolnamesleft no it dosent

I have a 20 month old. At my nct breastfeeding session we were told alcohol dosent get into the milk. That's been backed up by plenty of people inc drs, HVs etc.

Your source? As you may want to let NHS know. Is your research published?

Breastfeeding and drinking alcohol
Alcohol can pass into your breastmilk and then into your baby when you feed them.

An occasional drink is unlikely to harm your baby especially if you wait at least 2 hours after having a drink before feeding..

Regularly drinking above the recommended limits can be harmful for you and your baby.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/breastfeeding-and-lifestyle/alcohol/

It just takes a quick google search to find the info about alcohol and breastmilk.

I don't think it's discrimination. Just chalk it up to experience.

I breastfed after drinking more than a couple of glasses every now and again. No harm came from it.

I wouldn't worry about it and nor would I let it upset me.

It's unsafe to drink and breastfeed as you're more likely to harm the baby by dropping etc. I'm not arguing about this I know what ive been told and countless other people

I'm guessing you guys either don't have kids or they're older as the information has changed.

I drank and breastfed (because it's fine) as did all of my mum friends- inc 4 drs out of the 8 in my nct group

NCT's own guidance disagrees with you.

Really OP, 3 glasses of wine then feeding a tiny baby? I think the guys got balls to stick up for your baby. He probably thought if you're like that out what in the world do you consume at home.

No, the guidance has not changed, alcohol still passes in small amounts into breastmilk. I have kids, have breastfed, even had a drink occasionally! And then waited 2 hours to feed, didn’t have 3 glasses of wine in 3 hours and immediately breastfeed. NHS guidance and all
other widely available guidance is still the same
on alcohol and breastmilk, even if your NCT group doesn’t agree.

I agree with you in the main- being drunk while breastfeeding is more risky in terms of bring too unwell to look after them properly.

But I disagree with your numbers. Yes, if your breastmilk is 0.5% alcoholic or under that's basically harmless. But you say you can't attain those levels w/o being in a coma - that's just not right at all. You attain 0.5% alcohol very easily after just a couple of drinks if you're an average woman size.

My (non-pg) blood volume is around 3.5 litres, as I'm approx 50kg pre-pg. That means I only need 35ml of pure alcohol in me to reach 1% alcoholic breastmilk (which is certainly more alcoholic than juice and further than im prepared to go when breastfeeding). That's two double gin and tonics.

I looked into this in detail because I was a big into breastfeeding with dd1 and love a drink.

Bottom line: if you want to keep your blood alcohol at 0.5% or lower you can have at most one double g+t, if you are approximately my size.

If you want to keep your blood alcohol at 1% or lower, two double gins.

If you're happy to go higher, we'll that's feeding your baby an actual breastmilk shandy.

Here is NCTs guidance on breastfeeding and alcohol

https://www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/feeding/common-concerns/can-you-drink-alcohol-if-you-breastfeed

Lots of pubs have this policy. Nothing to do with gender or breastfeeding. Only 2 drinks if you have kids with you. Blanket policy.

Just ti clarify - a double gin is 50ml at 40% that's 20ml of pure alcohol. Tips me over 0.5% blood alcohol concentration already

Well I'll let nct know then as they're clearly giving out wrong information...

it matches up with all the other info, what is wrong with you? You are wrong, get over it!

If you can drive a car, as you are under the limit for driving, then you can mind your own baby whilst breastfeeding.
Was your bf told off too?