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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday packing

132 replies

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 31/07/2023 01:36

Who does it? Do you pack for yourself and kids and husband or does husband pack for himself?
I pack for myself and the younger kids. Older teens 17+ and husband I expect to be able to cope with working out what they need and put it in their bags. Everything is washed and ready in their drawers and wardrobes I should add so literally they just have to look, chose and pack.
i also obv pack all the sundries, medical supplies and travel snacks, pillows, blankets etc.

AIBU? I think not but it has been suggested I should be solely responsible!
Mixed responses from friends.

OP posts:
cariadlet · 31/07/2023 01:51

I pack for myself and dh packs for himself.

Df is 20 so it's hard to remember. Probably packing together in primary school, packing for herself in secondary (with me going in to check when she thought she was done) and her responsibility in 6th form.

cariadlet · 31/07/2023 01:52

Damn. Didn't proofread.

Should have said that my dd is 20.

huuskymam · 31/07/2023 01:56

I usually pack for everyone cause we share two or three large suitcases. But all mine get everything they need, my youngest does it with a list I've made.

inappropriateraspberry · 31/07/2023 04:09

DH packs his own, I'll help children (primary age) pick out what clothes and toys they want then pack it. I'll usually check DH's though as he will often over or under pack or not think about how the clothes work together. He just sees tops and trousers but not an outfit.

UnfunnyJester · 31/07/2023 04:17

Everyone packed their own, including the primary school aged one.
I did give dc a list of what they should pack and they did it.

PeanutButterOnToad · 31/07/2023 04:23

I have never packed for DH, he’s an adult. I pack for myself and for/with the kids when younger. Even when they were old enough to pretty much sort themselves out I would check they had something if it was going to be a real issue (eg a warm jacket if going somewhere cold). We are now at a stage in life where we can buy things if we forget them but when the kids were younger if it didn’t come we did without.

PurBal · 31/07/2023 04:24

I pack for myself and the children (6wo and 2yo). Except for a washbag which DH does and puts all the family things in. DH packs for himself. We’ve only been away twice with 6wo so not tried it a different way but DH is capable of packing for 2yo, I just find it stressful not know where things are or what’s been packed.

Trez1510 · 31/07/2023 05:08

We identify what the two of us are taking. We then pack them half and half so if one case doesn't turn up we've at least both got something to wear. I've always done this with as anyone I've travelled with because it's what my mother did and it makes sense to me.

Deargodletitgo · 31/07/2023 05:20

Going on holiday today, i packed for me and 9 year old, 14 year old daughter has packed for herself. If DP was coming, he'd pack for himself as he's a functional adult.

hopeishere · 31/07/2023 05:23

I pack for me and DS2 as he has SN. He likes to help though. DH and DS1 pack themselves. DH asked did I want to check what he had packed. No.

I also sort snacks, sunscreen, first aid kit.

Mamadothehump · 31/07/2023 05:30

I pack for myself (obviously!) and all toiletries/adapters/currency etc. so DH literally only has to sort his clothes. DC's (age 12-16) pack for themselves. We are currently on holiday and the only thing forgotten so far is hairspray (by me!)

ShinyBandana · 31/07/2023 05:40

I lay out my clothes and youngest DS clothes on spare bed; teen DS and DH lay out their clothes. DH is in charge of gathering the activity packing so he’ll sort out the snorkelling kits and flippers etc. I physically pack the suitcases because things are spread between them and I’m good at fitting things in and balancing the weight.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/07/2023 05:43

Everyone packs for themselves. Including DD since she was 10. Sometimes we balance cases out and mix and match but everyone sorts themselves out.

Who is suggesting you should do all the packing?

Frenchfancy · 31/07/2023 05:53

I pack for myself. DC have packed for themselves since they were about 10, though I offer assistance if asked and make sure they have the essentials .

If their clothes aren't clean that's their responsibility not mine.

DH is an adult and is capable of packing a bag.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 31/07/2023 05:55

i also obv pack all the sundries, medical supplies and travel snacks, pillows, blankets etc.
Why is this your job and not DH’s? Or the teens to bring their own travel snacks? It sounds like you’re the holiday manager easing life for everyone else.

I used to pack for me and the DC and DP would pack for himself but I’ve been trying to unpack (lol) the reasons why I did this or considered the children my job and infantilised DP by assuming he wouldn’t pack the correct things. He is scattier and more disorganised than me (ADHD) and a messy packer who’ll take two boxes of contact lenses for a weekend away instead of decanting a few pairs into his washbag, but that’s no reason it should become another task on my list. As we have two kids we now split the packing, doing our own plus one child’s. (If I let DD4 pack for herself she’d bring several unicorns and a glittery nail polish but no socks.)

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/07/2023 06:04

@spitefulandbadgrammar DD and I both have ADHD and are excellent packers. We have a system and it works. It's a focused deadline which normally works for us.

If there wasn't a deadline the squirrels would take over. It is all last minute.

minisoksmakehardwork · 31/07/2023 06:16

Dh and I pack for ourselves. Dc pack variously for themselves. We generally tell the younger ones numbers of things they need to take and it's up to them which ones. Eg 7 t shirts, bottoms, underwear. Older 2 pack for 'a week' or whatever. We might remind 'have you got X?' but it's on them to make sure it's in their own bag.

Toiletries we take as a family so dh and I organise that together and make sure we have enough for the whole family. Dd1(15) will often pack her own supplies anyway.

Whoever suggests you do all the packing clearly has a lot of time on their hands if they're able to do it for their family.

LucyGru · 31/07/2023 06:21

Me, dh, + 3 dc ages 18, 16 and 12. Everyone packs for themselves.

To support the kids I pin up a big notice that says something like...

Clothes for 4 days
PJs
Togs
Sponge bag (meds)
hat, sunglasses
Plane stuff (pillow, book)
Chargers
Trainers + slides

The older 2 probably don;t need the note any more (the 16 yr old def does though), but I've always done it. They're pretty independent, but they check what they've packed against the list. I check myself against the list too.

Roselilly36 · 31/07/2023 06:23

I packed for the family when are boys were little. Now they pack for themselves. I pack for me and DH, he always used to complain that I packed too much stuff, so one year, I said fine you do your own packing. By the end of the week he had run out of stuff he needed. Never again as he said I pack too much!

blackteaplease · 31/07/2023 06:24

We're off on holiday Thursday after work. DH is a teacher and on summer hols whereas I have a big work deadline the day before we go (happens every year). Therefore DH will do most of the packing, give the 7 and 10 yo old lists and the teen will do her own. He'll also load the car and do the driving.

ZuliKyanLarsFoz · 31/07/2023 06:35

I usually pack for myself, DS4, DD2 and part pack for DP. Yes he is a functioning adult and could do all of his packing himself, but he is usually off doing something else to benefit the family in going on holiday. I think there is an assumption by a lot of people that if someone doesn't do a job for themselves, they are being lazy. Whilst I accept in some cases it is but in lots of others it's about teamwork.

youveturnedupwelldone · 31/07/2023 06:38

Everyone packs for themselves. I've made a packing list that is separated into sections eg [insert name]'s clothes, then everyone is responsible for gathering their own things. I split between cases too so the arranging of things in cases is usually a bit of a group effort.

The reason I like everyone to gather their own things is that it's then their responsibility if they forgot something! No way I'm going to be the recipient of moans all holiday because I left something of theirs behind!

Onthegrid · 31/07/2023 06:47

I remember this discussion when my youngest was in year 6 with a couple of friends when the school asked a question a drop off for the school trip. By then DD was a competent packer and had done her own bag so she knew what she had, where it was and had a list of what she had packed to refer to so could answer the questions, her friends just looked to their mums for the answers. Friends were aghast that I hadn’t packed the bag, and that DH was capable of packing for himself.

I work full time the same as DH we share household tasks this includes packing!

dementedpixie · 31/07/2023 06:56

I put the stuff in the cases but everyone is responsible for giving me what they want to take. That way the cases are evenly weighted as I know what's in each one

CatOnAMushroom · 31/07/2023 06:57

LucyGru · 31/07/2023 06:21

Me, dh, + 3 dc ages 18, 16 and 12. Everyone packs for themselves.

To support the kids I pin up a big notice that says something like...

Clothes for 4 days
PJs
Togs
Sponge bag (meds)
hat, sunglasses
Plane stuff (pillow, book)
Chargers
Trainers + slides

The older 2 probably don;t need the note any more (the 16 yr old def does though), but I've always done it. They're pretty independent, but they check what they've packed against the list. I check myself against the list too.

I'm intrigued. What are togs?

DS13 chooses his things from a packing list I provide.

ExH used to do his own packing but famously once only packed trousers and no tops for a week away. He also seemed to think that wearing a Cornish smock on holiday was acceptable despite looking like some kind of lost dentist. Thankfully he's not my problem anymore!