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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday packing

132 replies

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 31/07/2023 01:36

Who does it? Do you pack for yourself and kids and husband or does husband pack for himself?
I pack for myself and the younger kids. Older teens 17+ and husband I expect to be able to cope with working out what they need and put it in their bags. Everything is washed and ready in their drawers and wardrobes I should add so literally they just have to look, chose and pack.
i also obv pack all the sundries, medical supplies and travel snacks, pillows, blankets etc.

AIBU? I think not but it has been suggested I should be solely responsible!
Mixed responses from friends.

OP posts:
Qilin · 31/07/2023 09:44

Dh packs his own mainly, as do I.
When dd was small I tended to do hers as I'd be more likely to be home longer/earlier before going. We've never packed much beyond the night before so it's who's home - most likely to be me.
Dd is older now - she does her own mainly though claims I always rearrange it.

I use packing cubes and Dh and Dd aren't quite as organised so I do have a tendency to get involved! 😆

We generally have own cases but, after a lost case, we do try to pack at least one of each persons outfit in each case too.

Stressfordays · 31/07/2023 09:48

I'm a lone parent so I do all of it 🤣 I usually get my older 2 (10 and 7) to fetch me so many of each item and then check its suitable though. I pack for my 5 year old as she'd insist on Princess dresses only. It all works well without another adult getting involved so I completely understand why some people choose to pack for the whole family themselves.

RhubarbFairy · 31/07/2023 09:49

Me, I pack for DH. But that's because we share a wardrobe, and he's a T-shirt and jeans/shirt in the evening chap, so it's no bother to chuck X amount of t-shirts out of the wardrobe as I'm considering my own options. We regularly drive for long distances across France, and he does all of the driving whilst I sit back and relax, so I've got the good end of the deal there.

I get the DC (12 and 10) to pack their own, with a list they can check against, but I give it a quick look over.

My involvement varies depending on the type of holiday. Summer holiday, extra t-shirts/pants can be bought reasonably cheaply, or things can be quickly washed and dried. Skiing, it's a lot more costly if we need to buy salopettes in the resort, so I tend to triple check everyone's for that for my own sanity..

BooksAndHooks · 31/07/2023 09:50

I have never packed for DH, he is more than capable of packing his own clothes. I pack the general stuff and mine and kids. He packs his stuff and anything g that involves emptying the shed to find like windbreakers etc.

DH then has to play the game of fitting it all in the car.

Rumpunch1 · 31/07/2023 09:56

I put all that I want to take on the spare bed and OH packs them in the case. He is a much better packer than me. We did the same with out daughter.
I then organise all non clothe items like toiletries, chargers, medication etc and add them to the pile. Strangely enough, for a very organised tidy man he seems incapable of making sure he has enough medication from the doctor until we get home and so I also order his repeat medication if required.

CatsOnTheChair · 31/07/2023 09:57

Kids (12 and 14 - but was Ike this last time we went away before covid too) told how many nights, and any special requirements.
All stuff to be taken dumped on our bed. DH and I split it between cases - 3 cases between 4 of us this time.

WhateverMate · 31/07/2023 09:58

I like to do the actual packing because I'm better at it.

So DH gathers/washes/irons his things and I tell him to leave them next to the suitcase.

BeethovenNinth · 31/07/2023 10:00

My kids pack for themselves and have since age 6! I tell them roughly what to take and will double check things like a warm jumper

pack for DH? Dinnae be daft!

monsteramadness · 31/07/2023 10:06

Dh does all of our packing. Dds are now 17 and 15 and ds is 8.
He used to work away a lot when we first got together and has his own way of packing. If I packed he'd probably redo it so I let him get on with it. I sort toiletries out and make sure we all have what we need. DD's will lay out all the stuff they want to take with them for Dh to pack.
Having said that we haven't started packing for this year so dd's may do their own.
Actually I've just remembered that dd2 has already packed her suitcase but I'll have a check through to make sure she's got everything.

Lovingitallnow · 31/07/2023 10:17

@monsteramadness is demonstrating the importance of the definition of done. To my mind what you've described your husband doing is not packing- only 10% of the process is putting it in the bags. For me the bulk is deciding and then gathering what to bring. I remember a poster on here once describing how her husband thought she was a PITA moaning about packing and said he'd do it. And week off she kept asking when would he start and he kept saying he'd loads of time and the night before he says I'm going to pack now - where's the stuff. To which she promptly when that's the easy part you complete gobshite is the stuff getting that makes it a ball ache. Or something to that effect.

Hufflepods · 31/07/2023 10:20

I pack for myself, I pack baby/toddler clothes and DH packs for himself and then the misc baby bits/ electrical etc, so white noise, monitor, last minute things like sleeping bags.

Workawayxx · 31/07/2023 10:22

DP packs for himself and does cutlery, plates, tent, beds, chairs etc (camping).I pack for Dd age 2 and ds age 11 does sone himself and I help a bit. He packs for scouts trips so is reasonable at it but I like to make sure I suggest things! I also do a box of food, tea bags etc.

it would be strange to pack for DP as I wouldn’t know what he wanted to wear (eg “oh that pair of shorts are a bit tight on the legs, those jeans fall down a bit, that shirt has a stain etc etc”).

WhatsitWiggle · 31/07/2023 10:26

When we were together, I packed but expected H to sort out himself what he wanted packing. I did it that way because I'd split everyone's clothes across suitcases in case one went missing. I wish I'd discovered packing cubes back then, I'd have made him fill those instead!

Doidontimmm · 31/07/2023 10:28

@inappropriateraspberry sounds liked learned incompetence! No adult surely cannot think what to wear! How does he manage day to day? I’m intrigued!!

MrsWaterMelon · 31/07/2023 10:30

I pack for myself and dcs, they are 3 and under. I wouldn’t pack for teenagers, but I would probably just verbally check they have certain things.

Dh packs for himself. He also ‘repacks’ my bag as he’s much neater & efficient at getting more items in the case than me🤭

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 31/07/2023 10:32

Lovingitallnow · 31/07/2023 10:17

@monsteramadness is demonstrating the importance of the definition of done. To my mind what you've described your husband doing is not packing- only 10% of the process is putting it in the bags. For me the bulk is deciding and then gathering what to bring. I remember a poster on here once describing how her husband thought she was a PITA moaning about packing and said he'd do it. And week off she kept asking when would he start and he kept saying he'd loads of time and the night before he says I'm going to pack now - where's the stuff. To which she promptly when that's the easy part you complete gobshite is the stuff getting that makes it a ball ache. Or something to that effect.

Agree here.

There is a tiktoker who does amazing videos talking about mental load. And she splits the task into "preparing to execute the task" (mental load) and "executing the task" (labour).

Doing something, and preparing to get something done are two different things.

DelphiniumBlue · 31/07/2023 10:36

DH has always packed for himself, plus he does the tech-y stuff like making sure there's enough chargers and stuff for the car. I do food stuff if we are self catering plus suncream etc.
The DC have done their own packing since they were about 8, I would say " we will be there for 7 days so you need 7 t-shirts, underwear, socks , some shorts and a pair of long trousers, 2 hoodies and a rain jacket, and something to entertain yourself, plus wash things and swimming kit." They would sort that, but they were very basic boys, any t-shirt went with any shorts or jeans, they weren't fussed about smartness and wouldn't have cared if they'd had to wear the same outfit 7 days in a row.
I don't understand how anyone could pack for another adult, how do you know what they will want to wear ? Or read? Unless they are really basic too!

Toffeesgirl · 31/07/2023 10:46

Everyone, (DH and 2 late teenage DSs) puts all their stuff on the bed and I pack it - we split between suitcases since airline lost one and 1 person had nothing!!

I find beach towels, medicines etc

inappropriateraspberry · 31/07/2023 11:20

Doidontimmm · 31/07/2023 10:28

@inappropriateraspberry sounds liked learned incompetence! No adult surely cannot think what to wear! How does he manage day to day? I’m intrigued!!

He wears suits for work and doesn't really have to think about it. He often wears the wrong/unsuitable clothes at the weekend. Like the wrong shoes and gets wet feet, or doesn't bring a jumper then moans he's cold! I think his brain just isn't used to processing clothing choices for some reason. He is very capable of lots of other things and can pack his own wash stuff, etc.

toomuchlaundry · 31/07/2023 11:31

Who is suggesting you have to do it all, especially as you have older teens?

We haven't been away since before the pandemic as a family, so DC mid -teens then. So I did my packing and DH does his. DC mostly their own, with a cursory glance from an adult to ensure more than one pair of pants packed! Then discuss any joint things like chargers etc. I go slightly overboard when comes to toiletries etc, so that is usually my domain eg insect bite cream, repellant etc.

DS went on first independent holiday recently, again a bit of a cursory glance and discussion, as only taking small hand luggage bag and first time he has had to deal with what you can and cannot take in hand luggage by himself.

If we are going on holiday in this country and by car, then I pack loads of bags and give DH the unenviable task of fitting it in the car!

UsingChangeofName · 31/07/2023 11:41

Not a clue how to vote as obviously it is reasonable that you, your dh and your older dc pack for themselves.

Whether YABU / YANBU is going to depend on the ages of the younger dc

i also obv pack all the sundries, medical supplies and travel snacks, pillows, blankets etc.
with this YABU, as there is no "obviously" about it.

Poorlymumma · 31/07/2023 11:47

I pack for myself and my six year old and also pack the toiletries for all of us. My partner packs his own clothes.

I really don't mind doing the majority of packing as I'm a bit of a weirdo and quite enjoy it.

KevinDeBrioche · 31/07/2023 12:02

Everyone packs for themselves. This is a life skill, don’t deskill people. From 8-9 mine got out what they thought they needed, we might suggest eg more pants/ a swim suit but we learn through making mistakes, we do not learn from our mum going through everything we ever do with a fine tooth comb to avoid us facing the consequences of our decisions.

no wonder there are older teens who are completely incompetent. Parenting has gone far too far the other way from the benign neglect of the 90s.

yikesanotherbooboo · 31/07/2023 12:02

I always got my own and the DCs stuff out and left my DH to sort his own things and put it all into cases/ bags.Once the DC were in their teens they sorted own things with a few reminders. Some are much better at this than others.

WhenHarryMetTaylor · 31/07/2023 12:08

Everyone packs for themselves.

Sit down and brainstorm a packing list for the teenager and then leave them to it.

Secretly pack emergency toothbrushes as I know someone will forget 🙈😂.

And when on holiday DH has inevitably run out of clean boxers and announces that I must simply hand to hand wash some for him because "he doesn't know how to/never had done it" - I announce is he ill? And no, I'm not hand washing underwear for any grown ass man he can either do it himself or pay out for laundry service 😵‍💫