In-laws and my new sister-in-law

[RozDoylessister]

My in-laws are late 70s 80s old enough to be my parents’ parents. They are bloody lovely!

They are Catholic and are not English, kind, generous and very family oriented.

When my brother and sister-in-law announced that kids weren’t invited to their wedding I knew my parents weren’t going to be impressed but I was dreading my in-laws finding out as they would be so upset. In the end my kids were invited.

Anyway didn’t my in-laws (along with husband’s niece who is 10) turn up at the church for my brother’s wedding yesterday. They absolutely wouldn’t have thought that they were doing anything wrong. They would very genuinely have thought that they were showing respect to my family. My Father-in-law handed over a card to my brother with £50
My sister-in-law was just not impressed. She was thunderous. She came snarling at me asking what they thought they were doing. I had no idea that’s what they planned.

When we went down for breakfast today sister-in-law’s mother asked if they had been trying to wangle an invitation.

Husband is mortified. What would you say to Sister-in-law? DH thinks there’s going to be a rift. Went back to my parents’ this afternoon and they were laughing but my mum said sister-in-law’s family was going on about my in-laws.
Mum has just phoned and said brother has mentioned it as well and sister-in-law is still annoyed.
My in-laws meant nothing by it. Niece behaved impeccably and they all left immediately bride and groom got in car.

As an aside, Catholic Churches welcome Muslims or anyone else. You don’t have to have take communion and yes anyone can attend a wedding. Historically it was Ryder not to go if you liked the couple. Your I laws sound gorgeous while your SIL much less so.

OP,

Absolutely nothing wrong with what your in laws did.

They sound lovely.

Your "snarling" SIL and her mother are clearly from the dregs of society.

Your poor parents.

Imagine going to an emotion of snarling at your SIL on your wedding day, for something so innocent.🙄

She is clearly an ugly person.

Your brother is clearly no better.

Step away.
Drop the rope.

Take this as the solid warning it is about her character and her background.

This won't be the last "snarling" she does.

Are the OPs in laws catholic?

Yes, she said they are.

Sorry hit post too soon! In her first post she says they are Catholic and not English.

Also, I've been welcomed into a mosque as a Christian. Places of worship are usually welcoming and inclusive of all comers.

Apparently if the Catholic Church. That doesn’t mean it is for CofE. Do we know that the SIL was catholic?

I have been to multiple church weddings and grew up religious. Did parishioners turn up to weddings? Yes. Is that the same as a random with no affiliation to that particular church? Nope.

The OP has asked for views, shockingly (sarcasm) as with many religious people there’s no room for an alternative position. You would have been fine with someone you know, uninvited, turning up at your wedding. I would not.

All weddings whether in a church, a hotel or a registry office have to be open to the public during the ceremony itself. It’s a requirement of the Marriage Act and the wedding wouldn’t be legally valid if it were held in private.

That being said, it would be odd to turn up at a hotel ceremony uninvited… church less so.

I meant the SIL.

Just because you choose to go in a mosque as a Christian doesn’t mean Muslims are permitted to go into churches.

Half the street turned up to watch my wedding. It was a very stable community and most of the people had known me since I was 3. The church was at the top of our road and I walked there. The neighbours followed me and stayed for the ceremony. I thought it was rather lovely. Village CofE.

There is definitely no rule against Muslims entering Christian churches. I work in a Catholic school and we regularly take dozens of Muslim students over to church for mass with the rest of the school, where they are warmly invited to receive a blessing from the priest.

Stand up for your ILs. Speak to your brother and SIL and tell them firmly that if they wanted to be married in a church they ought to have been prepared to respect (or at least be aware of) the conventions, which are that churches are open to everyone and marriages are a public ceremony. They are holy places, not backdrops for idiots like them.

There were several Muslims at my Catholic wedding.

No I assume the SIL is not Catholic @JenWillsiam or she would understand the in-laws! They aren't random, the OP says they have accepted hospitality from her in-laws before and know each other. I'm speaking from a Catholic perspective, but CofE churches are the same - you wouldn't be ok with people turning up to your wedding which is fine, you didn't marry in a church. If you had done, you couldn't and shouldn't have stopped it from happening any more than you could or should stop the vicar or priest saying a prayer.

A wedding is a public event, and anyone can turn up to a marriage ceremony. Your in laws have done absolutely nothing wrong. Members of the public could walk in off the street to a wedding if they wanted to.

Some Muslims believe that they should not enter churches, just as some Christians believe that they should not enter mosques. In neither religion is that the mainstream view, even at the very highest levels (look at the recent Coronation for a high-profile example!)

@JenWillsiam
“A Muslim is permitted to enter Churches and other houses of worship. There is reference to that in the acts of some of the Prophet’s Companions (may Allah be pleased with them all). The issue, by and large, depends on the intention of the person doing that. If the intention is to receive blessings from or confess sins to anyone other than Allah, then such a visit is surely prohibited. If, on the other hand, the purpose is just to familiarize oneself with how Christians conduct their services, or to share in a happy occasion such as a wedding, then this is surely permissible.”

It depends on the Muslim and the purpose of the visit, there are Muslims who cannot. Not because they’re prevented by the church - I never said that, Christian’s aren’t turning away, they’re trying to recruit after - but because their religious beliefs mean they cannot. The religious school is a huge topic and largely irrelevant to this thread.

It’s predictable to me that people cannot see why for some the idea of people just turning up with a child in town might upset the couple getting married. Parishioners I would expect possibly. Some distant relatives by marriage. No.

Does anyone have an image of @JenWillsiam sitting there with her fingers in her ears singing la la la?

I know. I never said otherwise.

So without being funny if the SIL is not catholic who cares what Irish catholic customs are?!

Ive been to numerous church weddings, as I’ve now said multiple times - parishioners fine. But that isn’t what happened here.

Wowsers - the use of a church as a back drop really pisses me off!

anyone can attend a church wedding and if you’re so ignorant you don’t know that then maybe dont get married in church?

Of course Muslims can go to church weddings. What planet do you live on? Christians can have Muslim friends or even, shock, horror, family members who would expect to be invited. I must have imagined the Muslims at my friends church wedding.

It’s predictable to me that people cannot see why for some the idea of people just turning up with a child in town might upset the couple getting married. Parishioners I would expect possibly. Some distant relatives by marriage. No.

Because most of us wouldn't be insulted or upset by this. It must be exhausting to be so easily offended all the time @JenWillsiam

Your ILs sound lovely and they did nothing wrong.