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Original poster

I'm fucking livid. Am I allowed to be livid? Because I am.

701 replies

Fuckingfumin · 30/07/2023 19:30

Did I mentioned that im livid?

Both DH and I work full time.
he works Saturdays.

we have children, one of whom has additional needs and is an awful violent, abusive individual.
We are getting support from psychiatrists and we have a key worker. You may link this to my previous threads.

Its my FIL's 80th, we were all supposed to go to theirs 1.5 hours away for a surprise lunch.

Only DH went because we didn't want a violent outburst our 12 year old and for him to call us all cunts and possibly throw a chair at us, like he does.

So DH decided he would go alone.

He was planning on leaving at 11am.

He didn't bother hauling his arse out of bed until 9.30am.

Tonigbt I'm putting the smallest to bed, he's asleep and 12 year old calls me in tears asking me to collect him as his bully has just punched him repeatedly in the head.

I call DH thinking it's 7pm so he must be round the corner as it's quite late.

no, he's just left.

So I have to wake up and drag out a crying pre-schooler to rescue the other one Who is now throwing things round his room in a rage as per.

Im absolutely livid that DH has just left.

Why the fuck did he need to stay until 7pm? When he knows full fucking well what it's like here.

You go for a birthday lunch, you leave by 5, 6 latest surely??

OP posts:
supersonicginandtonic · 30/07/2023 23:08

Maybe you could go visit @Fuckingfumin child and turn him around 🙄

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:09

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/07/2023 23:04

Well generally, we treat children and adults differently. Kids don't have the emotional intelligence adults have. Kids often don't have the tools and techniques adults have. We make allowances for kids on the basis that they haven't had the experiences adults have had nor are they mature enough to be held fully responsible for themselves. Do you want to be treated like a child?

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So you don't treat kids and adults as individuals who have needs you set the bar for adults with disabilities and hold them to it? Given that it is 'something that isn't a choice' how the hell does it suddenly become a choice when they reach adulthood? If it isn't a choice then no tools will help, if it is something that can't be controlled then what impact will any tools do?

SmellsLikeTeenSpirits · 30/07/2023 23:10

supersonicginandtonic · 30/07/2023 23:08

Maybe you could go visit @Fuckingfumin child and turn him around 🙄

😆 Yh. That’s what you need @Fuckingfumin - a visit from the yoda of neurodiversity

supersonicginandtonic · 30/07/2023 23:10

What you on about change the names with every manual? ADHD, ASD, ODD, PDA etc have been called that since I was at uni 22 years ago

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:10

JenWillsiam · 30/07/2023 23:07

It literally does not. There’s this amazing tool - the ICD - refer to it. And stay away from kids. All kids.

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It does thank you, each time they release a new copy name changes occur and they vote on the name changes. Nope darling I will not, I will help them not ignore them and make excuses for them. Maybe you could do with doing that yourself.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:13

supersonicginandtonic · 30/07/2023 23:10

What you on about change the names with every manual? ADHD, ASD, ODD, PDA etc have been called that since I was at uni 22 years ago

Yes some change names with each release. ODD wasn't called ODD originally, so yes name changes have occurred and they take a vote on it to decide the new name.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/07/2023 23:13

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:09

So you don't treat kids and adults as individuals who have needs you set the bar for adults with disabilities and hold them to it? Given that it is 'something that isn't a choice' how the hell does it suddenly become a choice when they reach adulthood? If it isn't a choice then no tools will help, if it is something that can't be controlled then what impact will any tools do?

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What are you on about?
Kids and adults are different. It isn't a choice to have these explosive feelings and OP and her son are now having help to learn how to deal with these. He doesn't get a free pass but standard parenting techniques clearly haven't worked with him.
You're coming online to kick someone when they're down, that is a choice. You could put your phone down and walk away. None of this matters to you. When OPs son is in the middle of a meltdown, it all matters to him. His feelings are exploding out of him and he's reacting. You're possibly typing shite online.

BrunoMarzipan · 30/07/2023 23:15

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:10

It does thank you, each time they release a new copy name changes occur and they vote on the name changes. Nope darling I will not, I will help them not ignore them and make excuses for them. Maybe you could do with doing that yourself.

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"Darling" I think I understand what you're getting at now. You can be ND, but still be an asshole, as you've proven. I hope you have a manual for that affliction.

JenWillsiam · 30/07/2023 23:15

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:10

It does thank you, each time they release a new copy name changes occur and they vote on the name changes. Nope darling I will not, I will help them not ignore them and make excuses for them. Maybe you could do with doing that yourself.

Show quote history

How they release it how often? ICD 11 was adopted in 2022. Prior to that was the ICD 10 adopted in 1994.

What’s your excuse now?

supersonicginandtonic · 30/07/2023 23:18

ODD has been ODD since it was defined in the early 80s. Always has been ODD.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:19

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/07/2023 23:13

What are you on about?
Kids and adults are different. It isn't a choice to have these explosive feelings and OP and her son are now having help to learn how to deal with these. He doesn't get a free pass but standard parenting techniques clearly haven't worked with him.
You're coming online to kick someone when they're down, that is a choice. You could put your phone down and walk away. None of this matters to you. When OPs son is in the middle of a meltdown, it all matters to him. His feelings are exploding out of him and he's reacting. You're possibly typing shite online.

Show quote history

So if it isn't a choice then it isn't a choice for an adult either?

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:20

supersonicginandtonic · 30/07/2023 23:18

ODD has been ODD since it was defined in the early 80s. Always has been ODD.

Since it was voted on you mean?

JenWillsiam · 30/07/2023 23:20

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:19

So if it isn't a choice then it isn't a choice for an adult either?

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So we’ve established you don’t know the ICD is and you don’t understand that the brain isn’t fully developed until adulthood and that there are rightly different standards based on age.

Yet you work with kids. Amazing.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:20

JenWillsiam · 30/07/2023 23:15

How they release it how often? ICD 11 was adopted in 2022. Prior to that was the ICD 10 adopted in 1994.

What’s your excuse now?

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I didn't say they release it often, I said that when they do they change things because they like to have a new vote.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:22

JenWillsiam · 30/07/2023 23:20

So we’ve established you don’t know the ICD is and you don’t understand that the brain isn’t fully developed until adulthood and that there are rightly different standards based on age.

Yet you work with kids. Amazing.

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Not at all, you haven't established anything. We've established you think people get less disabled with age.

JenWillsiam · 30/07/2023 23:22

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:20

I didn't say they release it often, I said that when they do they change things because they like to have a new vote.

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You literally said “do you not know they change it often”. Your exact words. Hence I cited how often, 1994 and then 2022.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:23

JenWillsiam · 30/07/2023 23:22

You literally said “do you not know they change it often”. Your exact words. Hence I cited how often, 1994 and then 2022.

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Yeah whenever they release a new one there are name changes! As is the fact that yes there are name changes with every single release, often multiple ones.

ameanoldscene · 30/07/2023 23:24

@NeinDanke - I don't consider myself perfect. I just question the OP's motives. Also the absolute blind and unquestioning loyalty of the majority of posters on here - crazy. I think people just enjoy taking the moral high ground and making nasty comments to anyone who might dare to disagree.

WinterDeWinter · 30/07/2023 23:26

Maddy70 · 30/07/2023 22:30

God what a ridiculous post. Should her husband never leave the house?

How is suggesting that she is being unreasonable and making valid helpful suggestions bullying.

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You seem confused - literally no-one is suggesting he never leave the house. Plenty of people are suggesting that he should have gone for a shorter time though. And I, personally, am suggesting you were kicking a woman when she was down, and that you lack empathy.

JenWillsiam · 30/07/2023 23:28

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:23

Yeah whenever they release a new one there are name changes! As is the fact that yes there are name changes with every single release, often multiple ones.

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No. You’re backpedaling. You were called out for not knowing correct terms, “whatever they’re called”. Your words. When called you said it’s because they change the terms often. They do not. As evidenced by the infrequency of the ICD being updated, the terms had been the same since 1994. They’ve changed once since, changes we were knew were coming because the DSM pre empted. Yet you didn’t know this. Despite being an expert.

just like you don’t know that a neuro disability is something that changes over time. As with all children as neuro diverse children mature they develop and learn skills, including emotional regulation. No 12 year old has the same emotional literacy skills as a grown adult, even more so if neurodiverse. Kids turn to teens who turn to adults and throughout that aging process they develop capacity and skills. We aren’t born developed. We change and learn. Quite how you don’t know this is beyond me. You really should not be around ANY kids if you aren’t aware that children acquire skills as they mature.

Olive19741205 · 30/07/2023 23:34

red78hot · 30/07/2023 21:27

Because you don't mention the 12 year old coming home?
No point getting arsey with people just because you wrote a confusing post.

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So I have to wake up and drag out a crying pre-schooler to rescue the other one Who is now throwing things round his room in a rage as per

What part of the above comment did you not understand? The amount of posters on here who need spoon fed information is ridiculous.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:35

JenWillsiam · 30/07/2023 23:28

No. You’re backpedaling. You were called out for not knowing correct terms, “whatever they’re called”. Your words. When called you said it’s because they change the terms often. They do not. As evidenced by the infrequency of the ICD being updated, the terms had been the same since 1994. They’ve changed once since, changes we were knew were coming because the DSM pre empted. Yet you didn’t know this. Despite being an expert.

just like you don’t know that a neuro disability is something that changes over time. As with all children as neuro diverse children mature they develop and learn skills, including emotional regulation. No 12 year old has the same emotional literacy skills as a grown adult, even more so if neurodiverse. Kids turn to teens who turn to adults and throughout that aging process they develop capacity and skills. We aren’t born developed. We change and learn. Quite how you don’t know this is beyond me. You really should not be around ANY kids if you aren’t aware that children acquire skills as they mature.

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No I'm not at all, The ICD used to call it the R word, has that not changed at all? Do we still use that word? It is the DSM that make the changes and make them up that is exactly what I was talking about but YOU assumed it was the ICD so you just proved that you had no idea what I was on about. Yes I know this as the DSM is the one they vote on and make up conditions on with no markers so I do not rate them at all for consistency and relabelling things.

I do know it I am just proving point after point after point and it is funny to watch how you do not consider adults as individuals despite crying it about children. I know full well they can acquire skills as I help kids to do that, having expectations of them within their means means they rise to it. Sadly we are in a generation that lacks any kind of aspiration for kids with disabilities and works in the deficit and just says because they have X or Y then they can't.

Some 12 year olds do have the same emotional literacy as an adult depends on the adult doesn't it? You assume that all humans develop at the same rate and some adults are way behind others with regards to development meaning at some point their development and that of a 12 year old will align.

HRTQueen · 30/07/2023 23:35

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 22:50

So you'd discriminate against those with ASD, thanks for admitting it.
I work wonders and have been told I am the most patient with those who are having a meltdown, maybe because I understand them better than others. I also don't let them take the piss, they can have all the emotions in the world no one is saying they can't.

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I know your type WWW9

I understand but them better and don’t let them take the piss 🙄

happen to come across a number of them working in forensic MH those that feel they have this special bond and level of understanding yet are unable to under the basics that having a diagnosis is often extremely complex and everyone is still individual in their interactions and needs

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:36

HRTQueen · 30/07/2023 23:35

I know your type WWW9

I understand but them better and don’t let them take the piss 🙄

happen to come across a number of them working in forensic MH those that feel they have this special bond and level of understanding yet are unable to under the basics that having a diagnosis is often extremely complex and everyone is still individual in their interactions and needs

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Well given working in mental health is one on its own then I would say that lacks a whole understanding in itself! ha!

Original poster
Fuckingfumin · 30/07/2023 23:41

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/07/2023 23:36

Well given working in mental health is one on its own then I would say that lacks a whole understanding in itself! ha!

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I'm so bloody glad you aren't working with my child.

OP posts:
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