I'm fucking livid. Am I allowed to be livid? Because I am.

[Fuckingfumin]

Did I mentioned that im livid?

Both DH and I work full time.
he works Saturdays.

we have children, one of whom has additional needs and is an awful violent, abusive individual.
We are getting support from psychiatrists and we have a key worker. You may link this to my previous threads.

Its my FIL's 80th, we were all supposed to go to theirs 1.5 hours away for a surprise lunch.

Only DH went because we didn't want a violent outburst our 12 year old and for him to call us all cunts and possibly throw a chair at us, like he does.

So DH decided he would go alone.

He was planning on leaving at 11am.

He didn't bother hauling his arse out of bed until 9.30am.

Tonigbt I'm putting the smallest to bed, he's asleep and 12 year old calls me in tears asking me to collect him as his bully has just punched him repeatedly in the head.

I call DH thinking it's 7pm so he must be round the corner as it's quite late.

no, he's just left.

So I have to wake up and drag out a crying pre-schooler to rescue the other one Who is now throwing things round his room in a rage as per.

Im absolutely livid that DH has just left.

Why the fuck did he need to stay until 7pm? When he knows full fucking well what it's like here.

You go for a birthday lunch, you leave by 5, 6 latest surely??

She's working with professionals now who will know the whole story, not just a few snippets from posts online. I'm sure she is trying everything she can, following their advice etc instead of following, quite frankly, weird advice by strangers on the internet who've never met her or her child

You are bloody lucky to get support after only a year...

..from this completely fucked up broken system...have they blamed it all on you yet?

It's so awful that getting any support is thought lucky.

Anyway it's bloody shit isn't it? Constant end-of-tetherness and possible meltdowns.

I’m pretty sure that in her response to your previous post OP said she didn’t ask him because he is already saying that he doesn’t know why he behaves like this and that she is comforting him and reassuring him of her love. I’d hazard a guess that she has at some point tried to get some insight into what triggers him. She sounds like she’s tried/ trying pretty much everything. Her original post was not looking for advice on parenting her son. Maybe you should leave it alone now?

OP you started the thread referring to your son as an 'awful, violent individual'..is it any wonder that people are making suggestions to you... that opening post is very different to your most recent post ..really cannot see why so many posters believe every word and hold you up as some kind of saint. How dare anyone ask questions of a random person posting in AIBU.

I don't think people think OP is a saint - I personally think that she's HUMAN. I've never referred to my child that way but my child is NT and I've never experienced anything remotely like the circumstances she describes. Who knows how I would react if I was in that situation?

Her son will never read what she wrote when she was at the end of her tether but SHE can read all the goady replies from sanctimonious people. It must be great being perfect!

Thegoodbadandugly

Don't take it personally. I feel like you are the one being kicked here.

There is only one narrative allowed on this thread. We all have to sympathise endlessly with OP and not disagree with anyone, and not suggest ways forward, and not point out anything she could change. If we don't stick with this narrative (even though this is AIBU, not one of the more supportive boards), then we get sworn at, told we are a disgrace and shouted at.

It's a super weird thread where all the nasty, swearing people are having a go at the perfectly polite people who are in the minority and who haven't really done anything wrong!

Words fail me with you, Thegoodbadandugly.

You've told OP she is doing it all wrong. That she is punishing her 12 yo, that her 4 yr old is missing out, that she hasn't tried de-escalating techniques enough, she hasn't stuck by this, that and the other. And now that she doesn't deserve support.

Funnily enough, constantly telling someone that they aren't doing a good enough job is a massive boot in the face.

You haven’t done anything wrong?
Have you no ounce of sympathy, empathy, fellow-feeling, awareness of your patronising stance, lack of sensitivity?

Ps. All neurodiverse kids are different. Just because something worked with one doesn't mean it will work with another.

Good! And please stay out.

Thankfully the CAMHS psychiatrist is waaaay more informed and knowledgeable than you!
She explained to him exactly what he has violent outbursts, it really helped us make sense of the situation.

So yes, please stay out.

There could well be other issues as well.

But how would the OP know as she's only just getting the help she needs.

Also, I thought one of the sayings was: You've met one person with autism/adhd/etc then you've met one person with autism/adhd/etc

They're individuals

The imagination and empathy of a gnat.

Look - no swearing...

Yeah it is a best seller, why haven't you bought it yet? I have!

You bought your own book?

I give up.

Carry on doing what your doing OP

Only listen to the posters who think your a saint.

Ignore all those challenging you, suggesting ways forward, or daring to not agree.

Hope it all works out for you, and especially your children.

I can't believe mumsnet sometimes! I'm out.

ladyvivienne
Completely agree with you! Thank you.

Another deeply unhelpful one size fits all response. Maybe OP’s son has AuDHD with a side order or ODD and PDA? Having a kid with ADHD doesn’t make you the authority. Or give you the right - on minimal info - to write it down to poor parenting. I’m glad you’re out. And again she wasn’t looking for your thoughts on her parenting:

god, I’ve just remembered who you are. You’re exactly the same as you were 10 years ago.

I never came here for advice on my child, to be challenged or have suggestions.

I came on here to ask if I was being unreasonably livid about my husband.

Yes I have

Oh behave. She didn't say it to her child's face did she? She's venting on an anonymous forum. Stop being so sanctimonious. This thread is absolutely fucking shocking. I've been on here for years and this is one of the worst threads I've seen of an OP being attacked and vilified.

My point Willy was that you were obviously taught techniques and had support from somewhere. You didn't just magically know how to deal with everything. OP is learning from professionals right now. Her son is learning from professionals right now. So they won't yet have all the tools they need. They will hopefully have them one day, but right now, they are still learning...

God what a ridiculous post. Should her husband never leave the house?

How is suggesting that she is being unreasonable and making valid helpful suggestions bullying.