I'm fucking livid. Am I allowed to be livid? Because I am.

[Fuckingfumin]

Did I mentioned that im livid?

Both DH and I work full time.
he works Saturdays.

we have children, one of whom has additional needs and is an awful violent, abusive individual.
We are getting support from psychiatrists and we have a key worker. You may link this to my previous threads.

Its my FIL's 80th, we were all supposed to go to theirs 1.5 hours away for a surprise lunch.

Only DH went because we didn't want a violent outburst our 12 year old and for him to call us all cunts and possibly throw a chair at us, like he does.

So DH decided he would go alone.

He was planning on leaving at 11am.

He didn't bother hauling his arse out of bed until 9.30am.

Tonigbt I'm putting the smallest to bed, he's asleep and 12 year old calls me in tears asking me to collect him as his bully has just punched him repeatedly in the head.

I call DH thinking it's 7pm so he must be round the corner as it's quite late.

no, he's just left.

So I have to wake up and drag out a crying pre-schooler to rescue the other one Who is now throwing things round his room in a rage as per.

Im absolutely livid that DH has just left.

Why the fuck did he need to stay until 7pm? When he knows full fucking well what it's like here.

You go for a birthday lunch, you leave by 5, 6 latest surely??

I wouldn't have a fucking clue how to deal with a child acting as OP describes. Not a fucking scooby doo.

OP works full time, has three children, one of which she has been begging for help for for years. She has finally started getting help and people on here are being arseholes because OP didn't magically know how to fix everything. She's asked for help. Repeatedly. It's absolutely fine to ask for help and she shouldn't be shouted down because she didn't magically have the answers up her arse.

Yeah that happened often.

Great! Glad you think so! :)

This thread is just shocking. So many rude, nasty, judgemental posts. It's a sad indictment of the world we live in.

@Fuckingfumin I would honestly just stop responding. You don't need to justify yourself to any of these fools. Tomorrow they will be venting their spleen on someone else, and you will still be living in a nightmare. The horrible posts must be winding you up even more. Some people are just a waste of oxygen.

I hope your DH is home by now, and that you are feeling calmer. Fingers crossed for you that the meds work for your boy x

But don't you see it will be happening at home anyway, you are just making the problem bigger and making your son feel punished Instead of trying and if he has a meltdown then you leave, is it fair that your 4 year old gets to miss out on everything because your your 12 year old has meltdowns?

I'm just lending support and good vibes.

What a shit situation to be in.

Have you tried yoga?

Sorry. I know that's not even funny but the idea that random people come on and think they can solve all the problems that the police, psychiatrist and keyworker can't is just an insult.

You're clearly doing a grand job in the most difficult circumstances.

I have been a support worker in residential special schools and it is eye opening the strength and volume that children can produce in a rage/meltdown.

I hope you have a more peaceful evening.

I don't ask him no.

I don't ask him because he's crying in my arms after every meltdown telling me he is sorry over and over again, asking me if I still love him (and I say yes 100 times), and he tells me he doesn't know why he does it and how he wishes he doesn't do it.

I wipe his tears, cuddle him until he feels better and tell him I still love him and that there's nothing to forgive as it's not "him" it's just that his brain works slightly differently and it won't be like this forever.

Have you spent time with, just you and him, with him taking the lead and you showing an interest in him, praising him and asking him what he needs from you?

Nah, never thought of that basic stuff.
for fuck sake 🙄🙄🙄

Fab, well go grab your coat and head on round to OPs so you can magically change her and her DSs life. Have you written a book? You could make millions.

https://twitter.com/Lads_Like_Us/status/1544724984358109186?t=hU6WZoCnxOdSmL3Nvj9Ntw&s=19

Only read the first few replies but if it continued in the same vein I'm pretty shocked at the lack of empathy for somebody who is clearly struggling. Is it SO impossible to imagine that somebody else's circumstances are different to your own?

If you don't have anything constructive to add but just want to put the boot in to OP or try to goad her, maybe... don't? Why not just scroll on by?

Honestly embarrassed for some posters.

OFGS

Sorry but you are talking out your bum.

My 12 year old missing out on nothing today.
Sitting in a car for 1.5 hours then sitting having to behave for several hours, eat few foods because of his allergies, be bored by old people and then have to sit in a car again.

What bit did he miss out on?

The family come to us, he see's them. We are not isolating him.

Sorry but you aren't winning this one. I can see you are chipping away at me and you made your family endure some awful stuff but that isn't for us.

thank you.

You are entitled to a carers assessment and needs assessment which the LA have to complete if requested. Obviously assessment doesn't automatically mean you will get respite etc but it will outline the needs of your child and you and the reasons why support is or isn't being offered. If you have that you can challenge any errors or misinformation etc and argue why you feel support should be provided.

OP maybe consider not to respond to posters like that. It’s so stupid and patronising pointing out the obvious to you, like you haven’t tried it before.

Reading those posts will just make you angrier which defeats the object of you posting surely? You can do an internal
eye roll, ignore them and just focus on the support you need right now. X

This is Heartbreaking for you all. I can see the love you have for your son shining through. Please, please don't listen to some posters. Your son's lucky to have such a strong and caring mum that won't give up. I hope he's ok after the park, and I hope you get some rest tonight ❤

OP you started the thread referring to your son as an 'awful, violent individual'..is it any wonder that people are making suggestions to you... that opening post is very different to your most recent post ..really cannot see why so many posters believe every word and hold you up as some kind of saint. How dare anyone ask questions of a random person posting in AIBU.

Pardon? It's all stuff I have been taught by professionals, I will bow out now, clearly you know best about everything it's not about winning and losing which goes to show where your mind is at I was trying to support you, but you don't deserve it, good luck for the future and I hope your child gets the help he needs.

He missed out on celebrating his grandfather’s birthday

Have you spent time with, just you and him, with him taking the lead and you showing an interest in him, praising him and asking him what he needs from you?

🤣🤣 You should really consider getting into challenging behaviour. Honestly, you'll change the world!

At least you're admitting your nastiness, that's something at least.

I don't ask him, no.

Well maybe you should.

I mean that.

You can carry on doing what you are doing, listening to all the lovely posters who are giving you hugs, expressing sympathy, repeating how shit the situation is, how crap life is for u, how helpless you are and how nothing can be done.

Or, you could try and do something different.

If you are truly truly desperate. If you have tried nearly everything and nothing is working, then maybe you have nothing to lose by listening to the "patronising" or "disgraceful" posters who dare to suggest alternatives.

Maybe you should ask him OP.

Maybe you should.

You've been taught by professionals to kick someone when they're down? Jesus.

Where the hell am I kicking someone when they are down by suggesting things?

I'm not being nasty.

I genuinely feel for the 12 yr old. Believe it or not, I also feel for the OP. She's in a horrible situation and so is her kid. I just feel more for the kid than the adult because, well, he's a kid.

People can call me a disgrace for having a different perspective. Posters can swear at me. Posters can call me patronising or passive aggressive, but that won't help either the kid or the OP. It just adds to all the nastiness.