To take my son's sweets back to the shop?

[Applescruffle]

I was in the park today with my kids, boy aged 10 and girl aged 5, my friend and her kids, boy aged 11 and girl aged 4.

The boys started to get a bit bored so I gave them my card and said they could go over to the shop and get a pack of 6 ice lollies for us all. Son started to say he doesn't like ice lollies as they are "melty and annoying" this isn't true, he eats ice lollies all the time but whatever, I relented and said he could get a SMALL sweet instead. I clearly specified one sweet, about the size of the ice lolly. Other kids just wanted ice lolly. Fine.

Son then comes back from the shop. Says he does want ice lolly now and proceeded to pull other stuff he got from his bag. One massive bag of crisps, like a sharing size bag, and two big bags of sweets totalling £6 plus the £1.50 box of ice lollies he now says he wants one of.

I said no, he's taking the mick and he knows better than to abuse the trust I give him when I give him my card.
I told him he could have an ice lolly only now and I took all the other stuff back to the shop. I didn't shout or get angry or anything but I was firm and told him no, he's not keeping it.

DH thinks I should have just told him off but let him keep the sweets and crisps.

AIBU?

It hasn't changed, but MN appears to think it doesn't apply to them!

Why are people being so weird with their replies? Since when is returning unused goods showing yourself up?

I wouldn’t have taken them back, because I’m lazy, but nobody other than OP was inconvenienced and nobody was out of pocket.

You did the right thing OP.

Most shops wouldn't know who's name is on the card when it's being paid for as it's mostly contactless. The cashier won't see the card.

I'd also be concerned that a child of 10 might be vulnerable to having a card snatched off him outside the shop. You'd need to report the card as missing to your bank to have it blocked. What would you do? Lie to your bank that the card was snatched/lost by you, or reveal that you had let a child of 10 use your card?

This! Crime is rife now! I was in Brixton (the trendy part) and was reminded by someone to zip my bag up due to pickpockets.

But if OP is happy for someone seeing her DC with a card and then snatch it off them then all power to her.

Also, yes the Co Ops are franchises and the ones I go to are owned by local men. Ok profit goes to Co Op but they’re always lovely to me and have saved my bacon when sainsburys is closed!

It's one of the sweetest things teenagers do in London - they'll stop you in the street or on the bus and tell you 'Your bag's open, Miss'. I've clearly got the ageing teacher aesthetic down to a T. The alternative is that I remind them of their Nan.

I'd definitely be conscious that a ten year old with their Mum's bank card is an incredibly easy, low risk target.

Good on you for taking it back.you did the right thing.
I can see the temptation for children with a card though,it's so easy to see all the good things and to know it can just go on a card and gets paid for.😀

If the child looks very old for their age, fair enough. But banks age restrict debit cards for good reason. You can tell the Go Henry etc prepaid cards. The shop has the right to phone the bank and cut the card up, because it isn't something that you should do.
MN loves to go on about how teens brains aren't fully developed, well a ten year olds certainty isn't. They will show off, be tempted etc, so it's always in the person who has given them access to the funds. The shop didn't have to take them back, because the owner of the card didn't purchase them.

What does this have to do with anything?

The shop did take them back. And my question wasn't about cards or shops not taking things back, it was about whether or not I was being unreasonable in doing so.

It's like every thread in this forum cannot stick to the point. Every commenter has to find some irrelevant point to being up that doesn't relate to the OP.

Clearly the general consensus is that I was NBU going by the poll, sometimes I wish we could just do polls without all the other bullshit. Its kinda boring.

Can I ask why?

The Co op I work in is not a franchise it's owned and run by the Co op. Depends where you are there are more than one Co operative.

There is no such thing as a trendy part of brixton, it's all gone downhill

To answer your question @Applescruffle No you wasn't being unreasonable, it's the principle. Don't give him your card anymore.

It answers the point that tagged me. It actually isn't irrelevant. He shouldn't have got the sweets, but you shouldn't hand your whole bank account to a ten year old. The shop didn't have to refund you.

Because the person who's card it is didn't make the purchase. Unless the OP had photo ID in another shop they could have kept and cut the card up. The child isn't even in the age range to have a debit card issued by a bank.

@Ponoka7 my son had his own debit card from the bank at 11. The same bank (height street one) as me. His card looks the same as mine and is also contactless.

Yes, older (just) than the op's son, but he certainly didn't need to look much older. I think most banks will offer bank accounts with debit cards to kids from age 11.

Add in the go Henry and other similar cards most shops won't bat an eye at a child using a card. And given lots of shops will also have self service checkouts there would be no check done. Pay and go.

Yanbu. I'd have done the same.

You allowed your child to commit fraud (assuming over the age of 10) and then berate them for abusing your trust?

Give your head a wobble.

Yes they will, but not at 10 and the accounts are controlled by the parent, who can set spending limits and they can't have a overdraft. They do stil have a name on.

@Applescruffle

I get where you're coming from but I probably would have just told him he was taking the piss & made him pay me back for the extras he bought.

Commit fraud 😂🤣😂

I think that was about right OP - he didn't get to benefit from his 'crime' - but you didn't go so far to humiliate him by making him take them back.

Good parenting I'd say, he broke the rule he was given, he took the piss, that was made clear and he got no benefit from it.

What did HE say/do in response to your handling of the situation - did he accept he'd taken the piss or did he strop about it?

Same here. I've never heard of someone returning a bag of crisps to the shop unless there was something wrong with them. I'd assume they couldn't take then back incase they were tampered with.

"Yes they will, but not at 10 and the accounts are controlled by the parent, who can set spending limits and they can't have a overdraft. They do stil have a name on."

Assuming you are talking about debit accounts for 11 years and older - my sons is not controlled by me. Online access is his. No limits set either. It's a regular bank account - as you say with no overdraft. Just like my own account. If there is money in the account, then they can spend it with no parental involvement. The bank statements come in his name. Card is in his name.