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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my son's sweets back to the shop?

175 replies

Applescruffle · 29/07/2023 14:14

I was in the park today with my kids, boy aged 10 and girl aged 5, my friend and her kids, boy aged 11 and girl aged 4.

The boys started to get a bit bored so I gave them my card and said they could go over to the shop and get a pack of 6 ice lollies for us all. Son started to say he doesn't like ice lollies as they are "melty and annoying" this isn't true, he eats ice lollies all the time but whatever, I relented and said he could get a SMALL sweet instead. I clearly specified one sweet, about the size of the ice lolly. Other kids just wanted ice lolly. Fine.

Son then comes back from the shop. Says he does want ice lolly now and proceeded to pull other stuff he got from his bag. One massive bag of crisps, like a sharing size bag, and two big bags of sweets totalling £6 plus the £1.50 box of ice lollies he now says he wants one of.

I said no, he's taking the mick and he knows better than to abuse the trust I give him when I give him my card.
I told him he could have an ice lolly only now and I took all the other stuff back to the shop. I didn't shout or get angry or anything but I was firm and told him no, he's not keeping it.

DH thinks I should have just told him off but let him keep the sweets and crisps.

AIBU?

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 29/07/2023 19:17

Hellostrawberries · 29/07/2023 19:16

Well I'm clearly in the minority but I couldn't have got worked up about that. He felt the billy big bollocks having your card and decided to show off with it. One bag of crisps and 2 bags of sweets. I'd have brought them home, put them away and treated them as any store cupboard snacks.

Me too.

Riapia · 29/07/2023 19:18

You would be very foolish to ever trust him with your card again.
Never repeat your mistakes.

Original poster
Applescruffle · 29/07/2023 19:25

HarrietJet · 29/07/2023 18:32

He's 10 and he was handed a bank card 😁. He bought a large bag of crisps, not a gram of coke.
He shouldn't have, obviously, but I have to laugh at op summoning the energy to march back to the shop to demand a refund when she couldn't be arsed to go herself in the first place.

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I couldn't "not be arsed" if you read my post he was bored and wanted something to do.

I didn't "march" anywhere, or "demand" anything. I asked perfectly politely.

OP posts:
Riapia · 29/07/2023 19:29

HarrietJet · 29/07/2023 19:17

Me too.

Show quote history

A better punishment would have been to sit and eat them in front of him.

HarrietJet · 29/07/2023 19:33

Riapia · 29/07/2023 19:29

A better punishment would have been to sit and eat them in front of him.

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Only if op was also 10.

Riapia · 29/07/2023 19:34

I didn't "march" anywhere, or "demand" anything. I asked perfectly politely.

Nobody on MN ever asks they always demand, it’s MN law. This is especially true of MIL’s.

Original poster
Applescruffle · 29/07/2023 19:36

I will not be taking any further questions or answering any opinions about giving son my bank card 😆 I was asking opinions about taking back the food. If you really can't handle the bank thing, pretend I gave him cash or simply don't reply because its not relevant.

Yes I was wrong about the statatory rights thing, big deal. So the co-op were in their rights to decline my request and chose to anyway? And why exactly am I supposed to feel bad?

And actually yes, I didn't want to spend a an extra £6, which is what the crisps and sweets cost. Some might be embarrassed asking for that amount back but I can't say I was. I'm not massively short but I have a budget for the summer holidays and if I let then have every little extra they desire, I'll soon have nothing left for the bigger stuff we want to do.

Food bank was a good idea. It did cross my mind to give them to a homeless person if the shop wouldn't take them back because there is usually a guy who sits outside the co-op but he wasn't there today and there isn't a food bank nearby and anyway, I did want the money back.

And finally, sorry, but they did go back on the shelf because after asking the staff if they would like me to, I put them there myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Applescruffle · 29/07/2023 19:44

Riapia · 29/07/2023 19:34

I didn't "march" anywhere, or "demand" anything. I asked perfectly politely.

Nobody on MN ever asks they always demand, it’s MN law. This is especially true of MIL’s.

I see. I am new here and not yet aware of the rules!
OK, I admit it. I threw the back in the poor, helpless shopkeeper's face grabbed her by the collar, DEMANDED she open the till and give me my money back immediately and then I plated her with the eggs, ripped up the magazines, laid a steaming turd on the floor, make a slide across the floor with the shampoo, slid past the cigarette towards the door, grabbing a lighter on my way out in order to set the place on fire.
Then I returned the lighter.

OP posts:
Gettinagoldtoof · 29/07/2023 19:45

Hufflepods · 29/07/2023 18:42

I can’t think of a single snack, other than one banana, that you could could buy actually buy and pay with card for 30p.

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Individual lollies in Sainsbury’s were reduced for some days!

MrsJBaptiste · 29/07/2023 19:52

HarrietJet · 29/07/2023 19:17

Me too.

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Me three.

Honestly, how could you even be bothered with this?
A telling off is sufficient, he was just showing off 🙄

tigger1001 · 29/07/2023 20:00

Op I agree with you. It has hopefully taught him that if he spends more than he was supposed to then there are consequences.

I don't know why you are getting a hard time over the bank card thing. Same thing would have happened if you gave him a £10 note. These days very few people have change in their bag.

amiold · 29/07/2023 20:04

I wouldn't have shown myself up taking them back but I'd have taken the amount back off his go Henry.

Original poster
Applescruffle · 29/07/2023 20:17

amiold · 29/07/2023 20:04

I wouldn't have shown myself up taking them back but I'd have taken the amount back off his go Henry.

"Shown myself up" 😆 OK, Lady Mary.

How will I ever show my face again?
One of the school mums works in there too. The shame!

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 29/07/2023 20:20

You're finding yourself extraordinarily entertaining, op.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 29/07/2023 21:00

HarrietJet · 29/07/2023 20:20

You're finding yourself extraordinarily entertaining, op.

Probably on the wine to get over the shame Wink.

Totaly · 29/07/2023 23:53

I wouldn't have shown myself up taking them back but I'd have taken the amount back off his go Henry

Maybe we wouldn’t have the teen crime rate if parents actually parented their kids and thought them a lesson even if (god forbid) there was a little awkwardness around doing so. People actually understand and won’t judge!

Well done OP! Keep up the good work.

UndercoverCop · 29/07/2023 23:57

I wouldn't have let him have them, but I wouldn't have taken them back. I would've assumed the shop wouldn't take them back.

mastertomsmum · 29/07/2023 23:58

Re your card - never ever give to child, completely wrong always and ever and shops would not normally accept a child using an adults card. If they are not old enough to have their own then it’s cash. If they are it’s a whole different ballgame

WandaWonder · 29/07/2023 23:59

I would have gone to shop with the kids and bought things originally would have saved all this drama, if this is all real

mastertomsmum · 30/07/2023 00:00

Whatyoutalkingabouteh · 29/07/2023 18:21

Classic… ask a question about taking sweets back and people jump on the fact he had the bank card. That’s wasn’t the question. He was trusted and he broke that trust. OP I think you were right to take it back and teach him a lesson.

But it’s utterly wrong to give anyone access to your card. Basic never do stuff

mastertomsmum · 30/07/2023 00:02

Applescruffle · 29/07/2023 17:09

Didn't even question it and it didn't occur to me that they would
The items were unopened, undamaged and still very sellable. Why wouldn't they take them back?

Show quote history

Because at the point of return they would have realised you gave your card to someone else.

1037370E · 30/07/2023 10:32

Shops don't have to accept items back - many will but it is a goodwill gesture. You might have ended up with a load of very expensive stuff that you couldn't return. I always thought that you weren't supposed to let anyone else use your card - serious question, not having a dig at anyone - has that now changed? I can't see anything on my banks website.

HarrietJet · 30/07/2023 10:33

1037370E · 30/07/2023 10:32

Shops don't have to accept items back - many will but it is a goodwill gesture. You might have ended up with a load of very expensive stuff that you couldn't return. I always thought that you weren't supposed to let anyone else use your card - serious question, not having a dig at anyone - has that now changed? I can't see anything on my banks website.

No, it hasn't changed.

amiold · 30/07/2023 10:38

Totaly · 29/07/2023 23:53

I wouldn't have shown myself up taking them back but I'd have taken the amount back off his go Henry

Maybe we wouldn’t have the teen crime rate if parents actually parented their kids and thought them a lesson even if (god forbid) there was a little awkwardness around doing so. People actually understand and won’t judge!

Well done OP! Keep up the good work.

But the parenting part would have been him having to pay for the sweets and feeling the consequence. Why should the shop suffer and him feel no pain? It would cost him out of his pocket money.

Teen crime is reaching a bit. Drama.

amiold · 30/07/2023 10:39

@Applescruffle but you did show yourself up returning a bag of sweets you've admitted you could afford. I bet the mum you were with and the mum in the shop were cringing for you. It's a bit unhinged. All because you couldn't be arsed going for your own ice cream... but of course you've dressed that up as it being for the kids 😂

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