Worried about son's height

[vitDsunshine]

12.5 DS is 143cm. Always been small. His dad is 5 ft 8, I'm 5ft 2. His dad was also v small until about 15, then shot up (well, relatively!) so quite likely, DS's trajectory is similar.

I'm just worried. What if he's tiny? Far shorter than he's dad? He's already very conscious of it and as his friends start to go through puberty, I've no doubt his self-consciousness will increase. Obviously I tell him he's amazing etc, and that we all have to love and be kind to the bodies we are given...

But I've seen some awful posts on mumsnet about women's feelings about short men - there's prejudice.

I guess I worry it will affect his happiness in life.

Please, no nasty judgments. I'm just expressing fears I can't share IRL.

Maybe if it transpires he is short, come at it from the angle that short men do find partners. I know three really short men, around 5’3 who are married. I’m not attracted to short men myself, and guessing the pool of potentials is smaller for them, but obviously some women don’t find it a barrier because short men do partner up!

My son was quite small until he was 13 then grew a lot for two years. But if you find he’s not getting much taller during the teenage growth spurt maybe you can get him hormone therapy ?

On a global measure, both you and your DH are about an inch under average. So he's likely to be a little shorter than average but not much. Unless he's already smoking while drinking espresso!

Your fears are just that, fears. Not reality.

Am in a similar position OP - am hoping this is one of those things you look back on in a few years and it’s all worked out, and you think “what was I worried about”… although slightly worried it’s cos he’s a really fussy eater (tho I believe it’s mostly genetics). You’re not alone!

Thanks - yes, I need to keep reminding myself they are fears and not reality.

Also, unless there's a problem, it's not something I can control, so i need to accept what will be will be

I'm 5ft and my husband is 5ft 3 - our sons don't stand much of a chance height wise (13 yr old is 145cm, 10 year old is 126cm) I just work on them being confident, happy individuals (the things we can to an extent control) there are much worse things than being a bit short.

My family is average to tall. My husband is tall, both his parents are tall and so are his brothers - all the men are around 6 feet. My mother was tall, my father was 5 foot 8 so shortish and I'm slightly above average height at 5 foot 5. Our son was short and we too thought he would shoot up later.

The paediatrician disabused us of this notion - he was already too far into puberty for that to be a possibility. If we had had him checked earlier there would have been things that could have been done with growth hormone and so on but it was too late to do anything.

I am thankful he got to be 5 foot 7 which while short isn't life limiting. If you have concerns I would have him checked now because if something is to be done it should be done sooner rather than later - it's too late when you realise he hasn't had the growth spurt. (My husband did remember at some point that his grandfather was a jockey and strangely our short, skinny son was a natural rider with a lots of guts and a great seat and, strangely, the jockey fathered tall children).

We do have another son who had medical reasons for only making it to 5 foot 7 too and he has to practically fight off women with sticks. He just has a very attractive personality and a wide range of interests.

I think you need to remember you were attracted to his dad and he’s shorter than average?
he is way too young to be worried about height - and while genetically it’s not looking good for him it seems to be more common than not for our children to be taller than us.
I would just tell him that it hard to tell at his age but unlikely he’ll end up shorter than his dad but boys can grow until early 20s sometimes so he has plenty of time to get to his full height. My b’n’law was 5ft 11 at 18 and by 21 had reached 6ft 4 and his dad was under or around 6ft.

"Genetically it's not looking good for him" - what a way to phrase it for the OP!

I am 5ft 2 , Partner is just below 5ft 7. I am pregnant and definitely not expecting a tall boy (if it's a son!)

I think prepare him for the world and come backs if anyone mentions him being short. Yes , kids can be cruel. But they only continue if they know it's bothering someone.

As for woman who say they don't date under 6ft blah blah, more fool them. They are the only ones missing out 😅

@vitDsunshine please look up growth hormone deficiency. Can you see an endo privately? They can do a hand X-ray to determine bone age and some blood tests. Good luck

My dh is a little shorter than me op. I still married him. 😄

Well this thread is a bit depressing. We've got posts suggesting OP drug her child into tallness, others saying variation on "well, it's a shame, but hopefully he'll scrape by..."

Good lord, we're talking about being short! It's not a big deal. I know plenty of short men, both in my family, as friends and as acquaintances, and they're all doing just fine. Successful in their careers, married or engaged, and perfectly pleasant people.

Our heights are the same even our DP's.

My DS (4) is dinky. Everyone always comments on just how small he is which is a bit annoying but he's also a summer born child so of course his peers who are older are going to look older 🙄.

My DS was very small at 12, no change at 13, no change at 14, smallest in his year ....he is now nearly 15 and has shot up the last few months, voice broken, lost all his puppy fat and the transformation has been incredible. Your son is still very young - please don't stress.

It's the short men who get all the beautiful women! Look at Hollywood actors who are all mostly short.

Agree with @CoalCraft that this is massively depressing! There's nothing wrong with short men. My mum is an inch taller than my dad, whose 5'5". My husband is 5'8" and one of the taller ones in his family. I'm 5'6", so taller than him if I wear heels and neither of us care. I'm not sure any of the short men in my family feel it's affected them profoundly - it's just a thing about them.

Boys and men will find something to rib each other about. And as for women's prejudice - would you really want your son partnered with someone who thought like that? What people are more likely to pick up on and respond to is a self consciousness or any sense of bitterness that develops.

OP, if your son needs a confidence boost, could you get him involved in a sport where being smaller can be an advantage (my small, light father was a good distance runner at school), or a martial art that separates by weight class? Sometimes sport can be a bit divisive in the teens. My brother was a summer born with a late growth spurt and he had to stop playing club rugby for a bit because some of the lads were so much bigger (his then best mate was 6' at 14) and he got hurt a lot.

My DH is about 5 foot 6 and our DS is only 18 months but a dinky dot really. He'll be absolutely fine 😊

You're right, the things you read on here. In real life, a good looking short man who is funny and respectful is going to be well-liked and a tall awful man is just going to be a man who is awful and there's more of him. I'm 5'1'' and somehow my son is 6'' but some kids do have a delayed puberty. My son went through puberty early but I think the biggest difference was between 13 and 14 when some of his friends still looked like little choir boys. People were asking, ''did he stay back a year''. It's evened out now, they are all post that first growth spurt now, but at 17 he's still the first to look like he should start shaving.... So, I don't think you can even decide if you need to feel bad for him yet. In the real world women aren't so heightist.

Hi OP, my DH is 5ft 8, DS is 5ft 7 and DD 5ft 2. DS has never been short of girlfriends and played rugby union for our county until he was 20. Plays great golf now and has a well paid job. Getting married soon.

DD’s BF is 5ft 6, a very successful accountant with bags of confidence who does triathlons. They are engaged.

please, please stop this, embrace and encourage him to be his best self and thank goodness you have a healthy child.

IME his mates will take the piss, but they will still be his mates, and there will 100% be reciprocated banter with them if you encourage confidence.

It is worth having some medical checks, coeliac is another reason children don't reach their full potential height.

within my circle of friends, as they’ve got to teenage years, a few of our children have struggled a little with body confidence, for a variety of reasons. One friend focused on giving her child confidence through sport and their child loves doing CrossFit at a gym, which has special classes for teens. It’s caught on like wildfire within the group and most of our kids go. The positive impact on body confidence has been really noticeable. It’s a class that’s set up to challenge you individually and doesn’t set people up in competition with each other so naturally ability isn’t a factor.

Thank goodness - a sensible post! I'm 5ft 7 and I see men shorter than I am. I don't gaze in them in wonder and feel sorry for them, and they all seem to have partners. One man who lives near me has a tall wife and I've yet to see strangers stop and stare at them.

Stop obsessing about your son's potential height and just get on with life.

FFS. How would we all feel if it was a man posting here, worried that his teenage DD had small breasts and all the women in the families did and he just hoped she developed at least B cups so it wouldn't be anything "life limiting"?

143cm at 12.5 is between the 9th and 25th centile, according to the WHO growth charts. So it doesn't sound like OP's DS is anywhere near outside the normal and healthy range of heights for his age.

My DH is 5'8 and the tallest out of the men on both sides of his family. DH's height has never held him back - he's married obviously (I'm 5'6"), used to play County level cricket, has a good job. His dad, who was shorter than him, was in a successful band in the 80s - there's a picture of baby DH in Smash Hits magazine as his dad had a song at no.2 in the charts when DH was born. I also had a couple of boyfriends on the shorter side before I met DH. I can't believe what some women are like when it comes to men's height 🙄 ridiculous.

OP, shorter men have a huge “marriage pool” of shorter women, and there are plenty of shorter women. I know society judges men on height, but it judges men and women on many many things, this is just one of them.