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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried about son's height

188 replies

vitDsunshine · 29/07/2023 03:06

12.5 DS is 143cm. Always been small. His dad is 5 ft 8, I'm 5ft 2. His dad was also v small until about 15, then shot up (well, relatively!) so quite likely, DS's trajectory is similar.

I'm just worried. What if he's tiny? Far shorter than he's dad? He's already very conscious of it and as his friends start to go through puberty, I've no doubt his self-consciousness will increase. Obviously I tell him he's amazing etc, and that we all have to love and be kind to the bodies we are given...

But I've seen some awful posts on mumsnet about women's feelings about short men - there's prejudice.

I guess I worry it will affect his happiness in life.

Please, no nasty judgments. I'm just expressing fears I can't share IRL.

OP posts:
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minipie · 29/07/2023 14:50

My understanding is that any sort of treatment would only be considered if your child’s height is way out of line with their expected height based on parental height. Or if they were tracking a particular centile and then their height drastically slows/stops.

so if he is tracking a fairly consistent height centile and that is similar to your and your husband’s centile for adult height, then the chances are he is totally healthy and they wouldn’t offer any treatment.

I agree confidence is the main thing. Height is really just one small thing about a person. Teenage boys can fixate on it partly because it’s changing so much for them and at visibly different rates, but in the long run it’s really unimportant compared with eg intelligence, being hard working/determined, and being fun and good company.

Original poster
vitDsunshine · 29/07/2023 15:27

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 13:54

I mean it is limiting isn't it? In the sense that we know it disadvantages you romantically and financially. It's not great in crowded places, or for a myriad of other practical things. That said, there is some evidence that shorter people have longer life expectancies, although causation vs correlation on that one is still unclear.

But it's not something you can do much about. Genetics is the main factor. Although a childhood diet high in protein and dairy especially seems to help maximise someone's potential height, but the overall effect of that compared to genetics will be small.

Best to focus I think on ensuring your children are confident and secure and focused on their own goals and valuing themselves for who they are and their values. This is the best protective element against being overly affected by superficial judgements from others.

So, in one breath you say definitively how limiting it is (Hmm) and yet how we should be helping our short kids feel good about themselves...perhaps people could work on having less of a bigoted opinion? That might help.

OP posts:
Original poster
vitDsunshine · 29/07/2023 15:28

@PassTheSnacks - and how, exactly, does it restrict you financially?

OP posts:
Milyt · 29/07/2023 15:35

Don’t stress about it. Plenty of time yet. My brother was tiny until he was about 14 then shot up. He will likely be taller than his dad as most kids are now.

LT2 · 29/07/2023 15:40

Both my husband and my brother were small boys as children. Both mothers worried. They have both grown into average height men (think my husband is 5ft 9 or thereabouts). For both of them it was puberty that did it! Around 14/15. Now my own son is in the world and I expect he'll go the same way. He's only 18 months now but is on the small side. Think it's inevitable with his genes, but I reckon he'll grow upward when puberty hits.

coloursquare · 29/07/2023 15:46

But much to call @PassTheSnacks's opinion bigoted! I think their post is very balanced.

You sound very stressed about this, and that will potentially have more impact on your DS than his eventual height.

coloursquare · 29/07/2023 15:46

*bit much

Lysianthus · 29/07/2023 15:47

OP, i have two words.

Tom Hollander.

Original poster
vitDsunshine · 29/07/2023 15:51

coloursquare · 29/07/2023 15:46

But much to call @PassTheSnacks's opinion bigoted! I think their post is very balanced.

You sound very stressed about this, and that will potentially have more impact on your DS than his eventual height.

Possibly harsh, but using the word 'limiting' raises my shackles

OP posts:
Original poster
vitDsunshine · 29/07/2023 15:52

I don't think I am particularly stressed about it. I don't talk to anyone in IRL about it, so I've come here to get it off my chest. Posts on this thread have been really helpful

OP posts:
bellac11 · 29/07/2023 15:57

CoalCraft · 29/07/2023 05:53

Well this thread is a bit depressing. We've got posts suggesting OP drug her child into tallness, others saying variation on "well, it's a shame, but hopefully he'll scrape by..."

Good lord, we're talking about being short! It's not a big deal. I know plenty of short men, both in my family, as friends and as acquaintances, and they're all doing just fine. Successful in their careers, married or engaged, and perfectly pleasant people.

Yes Im reading this thread a bit open mouthed!

coloursquare · 29/07/2023 15:58

I don't think it's particularly limiting. I'm not very tall myself, and it never really crosses my mind except very occasionally can't reach top shelf of kitchen cupboard!

I remember reading that Rishi Sunak is 5' 6" or something - it clearly hasn't held him back!

mondaytosunday · 29/07/2023 16:01

Height's an odd one.
I was always tall - 5'8" at 11 and ended at 5'11" at 14. My mum was 5'7" dad 6' 2".
I married a 5' 11" man (who's mum was 5'4", Dad 6'2"), he had brothers ranging from 5'7 to 6'4".
My own children: my son was always tall but stopped at 5'11". My daughter stopped at 12 years old 5'6.5".
I have friends who's son was small until he hit 16 and now he's 6'.
I also have friends, 5'2" and husband 5'6" and daughter (18) is 4'11".

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 16:06

rosepetals2023 · 29/07/2023 14:17

@PassTheSnacks he's 18 months younger 😊I was always one of the tallest and quite hefty until I stopped growing around 13 (5’7) . Also went through puberty quite young. My brother was probably a few inches shorter than me at the same age then shot up once he went through puberty a few years after (around 15).
Seeing as you’re both very tall I would presume your kids to be aswell. It can happen that they will be short but in general I think it’s mostly to do with genetics.
My DS was a small baby born on the 25% centile which surprised me as I’m 5”7 and XH is 6”8 but at almost 2 he is now off the centile chart for height. Xx

That's so interesting, thank you! Fascinating how this stuff works.

Mostpeculiarmama · 29/07/2023 16:11

'Genetically it's not looking good' - Jesus, there are worse things than being below average height, although you wouldn't think it from some of the crass PP. I'm five four and my husband is over 6 foot. Who knows how tall my children will turn out? It's not top of my list of priorities.

RaisinforBeing · 29/07/2023 16:12

2 of my children take growth hormone as they have a genetic condition that means they lack the protein that synthesises the body’s own growth hormone. Without the medicine they’d be less than 5ft as adults.

If you have concerns, track your sons growth regularly and take these and any childhood measurements you may have, plus your family’s measurements and go to the GP. They should refer you to Endocrinology for further investigations.

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 16:12

So, in one breath you say definitively how limiting it is () and yet how we should be helping our short kids feel good about themselves...perhaps people could work on having less of a bigoted opinion? That might help.

Sorry that it's come across like that. Like all characteristics there are some drawbacks and some benefits. I don't think it's bigoted to say that. All people have their challenges. My children may end up being tall but they're autistic, so I have quite a lot of guilt about making their lives more difficult by passing that on to them. My point was that height is far from being the most important factor in a happy life and I'm sure your son will be happy if he feels secure and confident in himself. Sorry if I upset you.

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 16:13

vitDsunshine · 29/07/2023 15:28

@PassTheSnacks - and how, exactly, does it restrict you financially?

There are studies showing taller people tend to earn more on average. But shorter people tend to live longer and have more resistance to certain chronic illnesses also.

mondaytosunday · 29/07/2023 16:13

Als my shortest boyfriend was 5'7"!

Original poster
vitDsunshine · 29/07/2023 16:15

Mostpeculiarmama · 29/07/2023 16:11

'Genetically it's not looking good' - Jesus, there are worse things than being below average height, although you wouldn't think it from some of the crass PP. I'm five four and my husband is over 6 foot. Who knows how tall my children will turn out? It's not top of my list of priorities.

Yeah, that comment stuck in my throat too

OP posts:
Original poster
vitDsunshine · 29/07/2023 16:16

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 16:12

So, in one breath you say definitively how limiting it is () and yet how we should be helping our short kids feel good about themselves...perhaps people could work on having less of a bigoted opinion? That might help.

Sorry that it's come across like that. Like all characteristics there are some drawbacks and some benefits. I don't think it's bigoted to say that. All people have their challenges. My children may end up being tall but they're autistic, so I have quite a lot of guilt about making their lives more difficult by passing that on to them. My point was that height is far from being the most important factor in a happy life and I'm sure your son will be happy if he feels secure and confident in himself. Sorry if I upset you.

I'm sorry. I'm probably over defensive

OP posts:
PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 16:16

Possibly harsh, but using the word 'limiting' raises my shackles

Ahhh I see. I used that word because I was responding to the post directly about mine that was discussing whether it was "life limiting".

AngelinaFibres · 29/07/2023 16:19

XelaM · 29/07/2023 06:05

It's the short men who get all the beautiful women! Look at Hollywood actors who are all mostly short.

Being a multi millionaire helps of course. Doubt Bernie Eccleston would have married a super model without it

Purpleboat · 29/07/2023 16:26

I’m tall, DH is relatively short. Didn’t stop my attraction to him at all. DH is successful, well-liked, very fit and young looking for his years. It’s awful the worry you go through as a parent. My advice is to focus on the many amazing qualities your son has, as I’m sure you do. Confident people stand taller with their heads raised and a certain magic shines from them. That’s what caught my eye with DH. Your DS has a fantastic life ahead of him, with a good mum who is concerned with him and for him, continue to build that confidence.