Worried about son's height

[vitDsunshine]

12.5 DS is 143cm. Always been small. His dad is 5 ft 8, I'm 5ft 2. His dad was also v small until about 15, then shot up (well, relatively!) so quite likely, DS's trajectory is similar.

I'm just worried. What if he's tiny? Far shorter than he's dad? He's already very conscious of it and as his friends start to go through puberty, I've no doubt his self-consciousness will increase. Obviously I tell him he's amazing etc, and that we all have to love and be kind to the bodies we are given...

But I've seen some awful posts on mumsnet about women's feelings about short men - there's prejudice.

I guess I worry it will affect his happiness in life.

Please, no nasty judgments. I'm just expressing fears I can't share IRL.

Don't forget someone referring to being short as "life limiting". I hadn't realised I should be expecting an early demise from my short husband...

I wouldn’t worry, my brother (18 months difference) was always a lot shorter than me and had a slight frame growing up. Shot up when he was about 15 now he’s 6”4 😊

That's a great attitude for your son to have. DS2 is almost 11 and short for his age. He is quite self conscious, which isn't helped by the fact that his 15yo brother is 6'1" and EVERYONE comments on it as if it's a great achievement.

It's so sad that many people view being on the small side as a disadvantage. My mum is small and is obsessed with other people's height. She was brought into A&E last night and I spent two hours listening to her commenting on the height of everyone who walked past. I could use her Alzheimer's as an excuse for her lack of a filter, but she was always the same!

A boy at school with me in the 1970s was short. He was treated with some sort of growth hormone and became oddly barrel-chested and muscular, but not tall.

If you want him to build confidence I suggest him trying out coxing for a boat-club. Most important job in the boat, so in many boat-clubs coxes are treated really well since they can make or break a race. Also once he’s used to having 4-8 rowers listen to his every word he can handle any team-leading situation.

Oh dear, my boys are all scuppered then as not only do they take after their dad heightwise (I'm 6ft but clearly haven't balanced them out) but they're red heads 🤣

OP I'd try not to worry. There will always be something kids will pick on in school - height, weight, hair colour, nose size etc. If they're healthy and happy don't over think it. People come in all shapes and sizes and it doesn't have to define them. I wouldn't put any emphasis on it.

Move to Scotland. Yes there are tall people here, but 5'8" is bang average and certainly not worthy of comment. I'm 5'6" and see men around my height or slightly taller all the time.

My dh gets called "big man"* at 5'8” 😂😂

(*Most men get called big man tbh and it's probably more down to him being built like a brink shithouse)

Unfortunately there are plenty of short women who won’t date shorter men.

My mam is 5'3" and my dad is 5'9" and somehow me and all my siblings ended up taller than average, I'm actually the shortest at 5'7", my oldest brother is 6'3"! Convinced there was growth hormones in the water where we grew up.

He may shoot up when he has his teenage growth spurt, happened at about 15 for all my brothers. But even if he doesn't and remains average or slightly below, it's hardly the end of the world. I have lots of male friends who are the same height or shorter than me and they all get on perfectly fine in life. Good careers, partners, families. Happiness and health are not height restricted!

We have a mix of heights in our family with some of the men being 5 foot 4 and others being well over 6 foot. My father was over 6 foot and so is my nephew.

But my husband is only about 5 foot 5.5 and DS is 5 foot 7 (I am just under 5 foot 4). On the plus side we can all drive the cars interchangably without having to move the seats etc :)

I still have my son's red baby book and he was always around the 9th centile. He did have a slight growth spurt around the age of 14. I think he was probably about the same height as your son at the same age.

The nastiness about small men is very annoying but reflects more badly on those who make such remarks - much like the people who like to close down women by calling them Karen, they close down men by talking about "small man syndrome". It's all very childish and smaller men need to rise above it.

As for comparing height with breast size, words fail me!

Don't forget someone referring to being short as "life limiting". I hadn't realised I should be expecting an early demise from my short husband

I always think MN's use of "life-limiting" rather odd - for me something that is life-limiting, limits your life, like a disability might. Rather than being life-threatening or shortening. Happily I don't think being shorter than average fits either category :)

I mean it is limiting isn't it? In the sense that we know it disadvantages you romantically and financially. It's not great in crowded places, or for a myriad of other practical things. That said, there is some evidence that shorter people have longer life expectancies, although causation vs correlation on that one is still unclear.

But it's not something you can do much about. Genetics is the main factor. Although a childhood diet high in protein and dairy especially seems to help maximise someone's potential height, but the overall effect of that compared to genetics will be small.

Best to focus I think on ensuring your children are confident and secure and focused on their own goals and valuing themselves for who they are and their values. This is the best protective element against being overly affected by superficial judgements from others.

Or, if bothered, they can always move to a country of small people, like France or Japan. 🤣🤣 Just avoid the Nordics. 😁

All the short men hate lol

18 months older or younger?

I find this interesting because I am the smallest of my siblings at 5'11". My father is well over 6' but my mother tiny (5'4" I think). Ex-husband also well over 6'.

My kids are almost the same height but my daughter is 18 months younger than my son. People often think they are twins. But they are only 5 and 6.5 now. I wonder if he will suddenly shoot up in teenage years. He is perhaps slightly above average height in his peer group and she is well above. Do girls and boys grow on different trajectories compared to their final adult height, even in early childhood?

I don't like the posts that are saying women actively chose not to date short men, its not that straightforward as it's more of a genetic thing. I reckon most women don't even consciously think about it, they just don't feel attracted to them.

This was a worry of mine. It shouldn’t matter, but it does. My husband is only 5’9 and very self conscious about his height and he still gets teased about it, believe it or not. He’s the tallest of 4 brothers. We both come from short families, although I’m 5’8, I have 3 sisters that are very short.

Both of our sons are well over 6ft and the younger one is still growing.

This is quite possibly to do with diet improvement across the generations then, if there is no family history of anyone tall before the current generation.

Shortness isn’t a disability! I’m 4’10 & it pisses me right off when people comment on my height. I don’t comment on people’s weight/fat-shame so no need to comment on my height. I now say sometimes “easier to be short than fat” as everyone has something they’re unhappy with.
My son seems like he’ll be taller than me soon. Not sure if this notion of a “good height” is helpful.
if short coz of disability/anyone has a disability then hell would break loose if that was viewed badly. There’s worse things in life than being short aren’t there?

@vitDsunshine I would make sure he has a very good diet with maximum daily amount of protein. Diet makes a difference definitely.

I had loads of cheese and dairy as a child and am only 5ft 2.

Mumsnet isn’t the place to ask. I’m happily married to a 5ft 8 man, shorter than me. I know two happily married men significantly shorter who are successful and happy. 5’7 certainly isn’t odd or anything! My grandfather was even under 5ft, he managed 8 children and a good life.
I find it odd all these women claim to be so bothered tbh.

@PassTheSnacks he's 18 months younger 😊I was always one of the tallest and quite hefty until I stopped growing around 13 (5’7) . Also went through puberty quite young. My brother was probably a few inches shorter than me at the same age then shot up once he went through puberty a few years after (around 15).
Seeing as you’re both very tall I would presume your kids to be aswell. It can happen that they will be short but in general I think it’s mostly to do with genetics.
My DS was a small baby born on the 25% centile which surprised me as I’m 5”7 and XH is 6”8 but at almost 2 he is now off the centile chart for height. Xx

My DDs boyfriend (15) is 5'7" and self-conscious about it. He grew early and has now reached his adult height (has been shaving for a year), friends are still growing or starting their growth spurt. His parents are both around 5'4".

This boy has many girls coming on to him and I suspect it'll be the case in adulthood, too, as he is handsome, sporty and has a great personality. Honestly, if my daughter hadn't told me he was self-conscious, it would never occur to me as something noteworthy about him at all.

I sympathise.
My son was smallest in his school year, smaller than most of the girls, but at 16 he's suddenly growing a lot. He is now 5,3 and still growing, voice has broken, etc.
It seemed like puberty hit him later than everyone else but he's getting there now, boys can grow until they are 18 unlike women who reach full height at 14.
It was unpleasant for him to be smallest boy in the year and he had more friends who were girls as the boys were a bit aggressive towards him but now he is friends with a mixed group and is very happy, and additionally he is very good at talking to girls!
Personally I steered clear of medicalising him as I was suspicious of long term side effects of using a drug, the thought that they might not show up for another 10-15 years. I was a bit influenced by the Lupron scandal which were used to increase height by pausing puberty and giving them growing time- It was possibly just for girls, it gave some of them brittle bones. I am certainly not up to date on the drugs that they use now to give extra height they might be perfectly safe but my son has a lovely healthy body and I think I made the right choice for him.

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/women-fear-drug-they-used-to-halt-puberty-led-to-health-problems