Worried about son's height

[vitDsunshine]

12.5 DS is 143cm. Always been small. His dad is 5 ft 8, I'm 5ft 2. His dad was also v small until about 15, then shot up (well, relatively!) so quite likely, DS's trajectory is similar.

I'm just worried. What if he's tiny? Far shorter than he's dad? He's already very conscious of it and as his friends start to go through puberty, I've no doubt his self-consciousness will increase. Obviously I tell him he's amazing etc, and that we all have to love and be kind to the bodies we are given...

But I've seen some awful posts on mumsnet about women's feelings about short men - there's prejudice.

I guess I worry it will affect his happiness in life.

Please, no nasty judgments. I'm just expressing fears I can't share IRL.

Please can I ask if your DD had to have the growth hormone test and whether she was diagnosed with any type of condition?

My DD 7 is short for her age - below the 0.4 centile for height but 10th for weight.
She's been under endo since she was 2. DH and I are short so it's no surprise she is small but neither of us were short children if that makes sense.
They are on the cusp of doing the hormone test dependent on her next 6 month measurements.
She's had a few blood tests to rule out turners. Up to the last measurement her grow has been steady every year with no growth spurts just a gentle rising slope which is why they have been reluctant to do the test

Thanks in advance x

a lot of the men I see lately are my height or shorter and I’m 5’6.5”. I feel like men are trending to be shorter or it could be where I live 😂. But I’m sure your son will be fine.

@poppyseed23 I honestly can't remember. Afaik, she isn't growth hormone deficient. She was born at 29 weeks and for the first four years, they were convinced she'd catch up. But didn't. They ran so many tests, including CF and genetic tests. She came back clear each time. She did at one point get diagnosed with Russel silver syndrome, but all the drs since have said they don't think she has it, just v small. She is still small on the GH. But she doesn't stand out now. She fits with her peers. She still gets a bit upset about her height though. I think kids have been unpleasant to her in the past and comments now hurt. The GH has made her stronger and fitter. She is also less 'ill' with colds etc. It's not just about height. The endo really pushed us to put her on it. She will only be on it until puberty.

Thank you so much for coming back to me.
Interestingly DD was 5 weeks early and it was always thought that she would catch up but hasn't.
The hormone test is quite invasive, blood sugars are brought down to the floor over a few hours then tested to see if growth hormone kicks in. Then high sugar food to bring it back again.
There are 5 year olds taller than her at school x

DS1 is about 150cm and isn't far from turning 13. I'm 5'2", DH is 6'. Both of us were slight children with a later puberty, and DS is following a similar pattern. Slight change to his skin in recent months, but not much significant change yet. DH had a small mum too, but ended up as the tallest in his family in a late growth spurt at 18+.

I find that people's perceptions of being "small" are also affected by build. I'm certainly below average, but not unusually so, but a smaller top half seems to accentuate people's perception of me being small. Both DSs have a slight build, so the overall effect is of being small, and accentuates the reality.

Girls get the head start on growth spurts, I know several 10yo girls now towering above me, let alone DS1 who's 2 years older than them, and that also accentuates the effect on boys who are smaller than average to begin with. By y9, it's not uncommon to look like a stray little boy has drifted into a room full of teenagers, but the hormones do tend to kick in and the catch-up is rapid by then.

Traditional sport can be quite hard on small boys. Mine do running, swimming and karate out of school which are a good package for their all round fitness, and it's confidence boosting to do something that isn't done in school, and where body mass is of less importance.

I don't know how tall my DSs will be, and I suspect that always having had bigger hands and feet, that DS2 has the advantage, but both DCs eat well and are energetic so I have no concerns at this stage.

@EarWigJo Your suggestion women need to change their attitude to shorter men- I'd respectfully point out that the negativity you experience is not of our making. Men have long since pushed the idea at us that we should be small and weak by comparison to their size and strength. This is not for our benefit.
Unfortunately this also causes some collateral damage to smaller or weaker men. This is not our responsibility to fix.
As for the idea that women should somehow be fair and give short men an equal chance with them; what are you doing to give women an equal chance with you? You know, the ones you think aren't pretty enough, thin or fat enough or young enough for you to find attractive? Are you checking your own attitudes and giving them a fair chance?
Because if a man finds it hard to get a date, in many cases its because he's targeting women who are out of his league whilst ignoring those who might be interested because of his own sense of entitlement.

I think it's really difficult to tell. I know a family where Dad is around 5ft 6 and Mum under 5ft but both boys are six foot plus. My brother was very small until he was around 13/14 when he suddenly shot up and by adulthood was 6ft 4. I understand your fears though. Just make sure he's confident in himself bless him.

women are treated exactly like that. not sure why you think you're so ground breaking

@EarWigJo I wouldn't be happy that I'd been chatting to someone who can lie so easily.

This is actually very true

I'm guessing you've put him into a height predictor - a proper one, not just halfway between the parents. I think height at age 2.5 is about half the adult height. I might be looking at it wrong but I've looked in the red book and it shows 5 foot 6 at age 19 for your son. Is that so bad? From a personal viewpoint, I'd sooner date 5 foot six than 6 foot and above - easier to reach for a start!!
My bil is a long way over 6 foot and he is single. I understand very tall men find it just as wearying to be told all the time, aren't you tall! My dad is about 5ft 4 and I'm 5ft 5.

I’ve always liked short men.

I don't understand how you can say in one breath 'I hope you've used a correct height predictor' and then claim my son will be 5 ft 6 with some knowledge? You don't know what height he was at 2.5 etc

I didn't say I hope you've used... but I'm guessing you've used as in, I don't want to tell you something you already know.

There are height predictors on line which just find the mid point between the heights of the two parents, and these aren't accurate. There are accurate ones, including the paper chart in a child's red book where you can plot their height at any given age and track where they are likely to end up as an adult, with a bit of a margin of variation of course.

2.5 is supposed to be half adult height. I don't know how tall your son was at 2.5 but you mentioned his height now, so by looking in the red book, it gives a vague idea. But I didn't want to patronise you, so I said I guessed you'd already done it.

Hmm, the red book and who growth charts show the “normal” trajectory, what we are mostly discussing here is kids who have fallen far off that trajectory, so the fact that the chart says one thing and the child is doing a different thing isn’t really reassuring at all.

Also comparing racism and homophobia to the hardships of being 5'4" is pretty offensive

No it isn't. Race and sexual orientation are protected characteristics.

Height, despite being something you have no control over, is not. It is the last acceptable bastion of discrimination.

On the plus side, if you are short, you don't have the problems with legroom on aeroplanes etc.

And it's true that getting clothes is hard. At the moment my son can buy size 28 jeans which fit him. But if he ever gets fatter, he will struggle.

If you think height is the last bastion of acceptable discrimination you might want to pop over to the 'ugly women' thread going on at the moment. Or talk to a woman who is over weight. Or underweight.
The only reason a preference for tall over short gets such a hoo hah made about it is its one of the few areas in which men are judged for a physical characteristic. And while there may be some evidence that it can be a disadvantage at work in some sectors, the vast majority of the fuss made is around not being able to date women who prefer tall men.
If the worst disadvantage a man has, balanced against all his other privileges, is that some women he wants to date won't be interested, he's not doing too badly.

Without seeing the OP's son's red book, we don't know what sort of trajectory he is on. We know his height now. If we also knew it when he was a very small child, for example, we would have a better idea. People are talking of growth spurts later, but according to the book, most males do that, at about 15.

I don't know or remember his growth pattern, I'm afraid. He was early and very small, but so was his dad.

In some ways various posters' interrogation of the charts and the book etc etc freaks me out even more - it binds me back into numbers (5ft 2 etc) which worries me - rather than concentrating on shifting my attitude and fears so I don't feel so concerned by whatever comes...

That said, I will def go and see doctor in coming months if there is no movement whatsoever

I think you're sensible. You need just enough of an eye on it to make sure you don't overlook a medical matter, but not so much you become overly preoccupied with what can't be changed.
However tall he is, you need to keep in mind that having a great start with loving parents who will meet his needs, support his academic, social and emotional development, (plus a hefty dose of male privilege) means your boy has already won life's lottery. He has all the important things in place to have a happy successful future and height would just be the icing on an already very rich cake.

I know you don’t like the growth charts, but just to reiterate, your DS is on course for 5 foot 8 1/2 inches if 143cm at 12.5 years old.

My son is 12.5 and is a very similar height to your son. I'm not exactly sure of his height but I am 5ft 2" (157cm) and he is a bit smaller than me so less than 150cm. He is on the small side of average I think. He wants to be taller and from experience I know he won't be small - the men in our family are all around 6ft. When my two nephews were young they too were small and I can remember my dad telling them that he was a late grower and they would be too. He was right and they are both now in excess of 6ft. From what you say, I would imagine your son will be the same. Boys can grow massively in a short period of time. Get him checked out if you are concerned but I'm sure he will grow within the next few years

I was the person whose child's great grandfather was a jockey. His son though, his grandfather, was around six foot. My husband and his brothers were around six foot. His mother was tall and towered over me - part Danish. My family was average to tall. So it wasn't unreasonable to think that our son would be tall like his father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, uncles etc rather than picking up his great grandfather's short genes.

Now lots of short men are successful and I hope my son is too. But in the real world, some women won't date short men. Just because it is unfair and unreasonable doesn't mean that it isn't a thing. If you ask any man if he would rather be 6 foot 1 or 5 foot 1 then I think you'd get a very consistent answer. My son does get fed up being taken for much younger but he doesn't have a complex over his height. Yes, I think he would be delighted if he woke up one day and was six feet but he is not defined by his height.

I don't know if we would have done anything if something could have been done. Obviously we would have considered the risks and discussed them with him. We might have concluded that the risks weren't worth it. We did have his bones checked and they were perfectly normal so this was just his natural height. Actually, he was almost too tall to be a jockey at least on the flat.

He will be at least three inches taller than you but likely taller.