Worried about son's height

[vitDsunshine]

12.5 DS is 143cm. Always been small. His dad is 5 ft 8, I'm 5ft 2. His dad was also v small until about 15, then shot up (well, relatively!) so quite likely, DS's trajectory is similar.

I'm just worried. What if he's tiny? Far shorter than he's dad? He's already very conscious of it and as his friends start to go through puberty, I've no doubt his self-consciousness will increase. Obviously I tell him he's amazing etc, and that we all have to love and be kind to the bodies we are given...

But I've seen some awful posts on mumsnet about women's feelings about short men - there's prejudice.

I guess I worry it will affect his happiness in life.

Please, no nasty judgments. I'm just expressing fears I can't share IRL.

I'm 5 foot 3 and its commented on a lot. A 5 foot 3 woman is not an outlier! My son is likely to be about 5 foot 8. That too is not tiny. People are odd

You know many male 'heart throb' actors are short? In fact I'd say there are probably more short male actors than there are tall, hasn't stopped them being very successful, or having partners. Camera angles and hidden wedges in shoes mean the audience aren't always aware of an actor's height. I'd have no issue dating a short man, personality is far, far more of an attraction.

My DH is 5 foot 5 and very handsome (lots of people say it so it's not just my subjective view!) as well as being hilarious and an all round beautiful person. His height has never been an issue in his life, he's always had lots of female attention and it's never affected his self esteem. He does get stupid jokes about it from male friends but he just comes straight back with jokes about hairlines, beer bellies etc, it doesn't bother him in the slightest. I really wouldn't give it another thought!

Thanks for sharing this. I'm sorry dating is so hard - this is my fear for my DS, if I'm honest

Ironically, I have never felt small. I realise that there is still a gender divide about this stuff, and it's far more acceptable for girls to be 'petite' but it's always interesting to be reminded of my short stature as in my mind, I'm pretty tall! Or, at least, I'm not short.

My DP was very short growing up (he's "only" 5'7" now) and only went into puberty when he was about 16. He does sometimes mention how hard it was , being a bit behind his peers in that way, and frustrating. It actually spurred him on to do a sport professionally though, he's a good looking (I think) middle aged man, well adjusted and pretty happy.

What I'm trying to say is - teenage years might be hard (and it's hard for many kids for various reasons!) but it's really not life limiting or the end of the world. He has good parents that clearly love and support him. He'll be ok!

I wouldn’t discuss his height unless he brings it up. Maybe focus more on building his self esteem and developing his skills. There isn’t any point in people telling you that being a short man isn’t an issue.
Although a man’s height isn’t the be all and end all, it’s well known that short men have a tougher time than their taller counterparts when it comes to dating, careers etc.

Look at the child growth foundation facebook page.

While there's nothing wrong with being short, a very short child of much taller parents is unusual and warrants investigation. My cousin was like this and found to have some endocrine problems, he needed growth hormone & testosterone. It isn't just about height, poor growth/lack of growth hormone can cause other health issues. Its not drugging a child to make them taller, some children have serious endocrine deficiencies and need growth hormone and other treatments to keep them healthy.

The dating thing...
I think its fair to say that many if not most women, if asked, would express a preference for a tall man. Just as most men would express a preference for a beautiful women. However, what we might want and what might be available to us are often two entirely different things.
The fact is there are not enough 6' men or beautiful women to go around everyone who might prefer one. So just like less beautiful women are not going to be able to walk into a room and have any and every man they fancy hanging on their every word, short men aren't going to get to date any and every women they fancy, because some women prefer tall men.
This is in no way the same as saying short men will never find a date. If this were so then all short men would be single which is clearly not the case.

Please could I ask the name of the genetic condition?

Many thanks x

As be aware op that if you asked for a referral to endocrinology in a year or 2, you could be waiting another year for appointments and tests results, during which time if puberty hit you would miss the boat for treatment if an issue was found

146cm at 12 is actually not that short if puberty has not yet hit, but if he's noticeably smaller than peers you lose nothing at all getting things checked.

One of my sons is short and small and says he likes being that way because he can fit into any space and do a lot of acrobats. He is flexible and nimble and has a charming personality and a lot of friends. He has always taken great pride about being the "smallest person in his class" even when that isn't true. There are some smaller girls and even a smaller boy but he likes being small so he just claims he is the smallest, aka the best, in his eyes. Lol

I knew at least one of our three sons would likely be short because I'm short and my husband is average or maybe on the short side of average although he's plenty taller than me so to me he's tall, lol, and my husband's brother is quite short, like 5'4". It hasn't bothered him as he is with a short small woman who is barely 5'0" and a gymnast and he himself is a gymnast/acrobat which is how he met her.

I have always complimented my son and told him he's great just how he is and he seems to have a lot of confidence that serves him well in life. Also I think there are plenty of short women like me who don't care how tall the man they date is because they are likely taller than us anyway. (I'm 5'2" or maybe not even that tall. 5'1.5"). Even if a guy was shorter than me I don't think I'd care since I'm no one to judge and I like being short. But I haven't met many who are.

So I think if you act worried that being short will limit your child's chances in life with women or otherwise he will likely pick up on that and it might become a self fulfilling prophecy. If you concentrate on the positives of being short and small, which there are truly many, and the fact that many women don't care (is he even straight? I'm not sure yet what my son's sexual preferences are, lol, because he hasn't told me yet and he's still too young for that) then he will probably be confident and it won't hold him back with the ladies... or guys. Good luck.

For me, being short among my peers at school wasn't really a problem.

If anything - I owned it and it helped me become the resilient person I am today!

As others have said - I'd either laugh along with them or give as good as I got about their pointy nose or silly freckles or whatever.

(I did get bullied for other reasons, but wouldn't say any of that was specifically for my height)

For me, it's society's attitude.

And please forgive me for saying this, but your OP is a classic example of it (absolutely not having a go at you - just pointing out the view from "down here")...

"I'm just worried. What if he's tiny"

So what if he is?

What if he's gay?

What if he's black?

Would people be looking to shovel chemicals down a kid's throat to "fix" those "problems"? Or would there be a huge global campaign to rid the world of such prejudices?

I realise I can't change the world with this thread and the solution will take a few generations to evolve, but if you're worried that he's tiny and will find the dating scene an up hill battle - Rather than trying to change HIM, how about we try to change how a lot of women perceive shorter men?

Then all short men will have an equal chance at finding their soulmate and future parents won't have to "worry that their son is tiny".

When you were growing up, did your parents consider filling you with hormones and changing you into a boy because of the glass ceiling in the workplace?

Or did they accept you for who you are and support the movement pushing for equality in the work-place?

(For the record, I'm not against the wonders of modern medicine. But I don't agree with the modern mentality that you can fix every problem in life by taking a short course of pills.)

a@EarWigJo - yes, you're right. It's my attitude that needs to change

For other posters, for the record, I don't bring up height with my son, and I am very very positive and clear with him if he brings it up - 'we are who we are, we have to love what healthy bodies we have, that everyone has something about themselves that they don't like and others may joke about etc etc' I teach him to defend himself against the mockery - without picking on others physical attributes etc.

Also, the figures have gone askew as the thread has gone on - he's 143cm.

Also, his dad went through puberty later - 15 ish. So I've also been very clear with son that delayed puberty is quite possible. But it also means we've seen no puberty driven growth spurt yet.

I'm sorry if I e come across as shallow etc - I completely realise there are much worse things than height. That he's an amazing person who will do amazing things with his life

But what is Mumsnet, if not a place where we can anonymously discuss our parenting fears?

I think its fair to say that many if not most women, if asked, would express a preference for a tall man.

Not me. I’m 5ft 2 and I don’t like being loomed over. DH is 5ft 7and he’s perfect.

OP I don’t think you come across shallow at all. It’s natural to have concerns about the prejudices and unconscious bias of some others and the negative impact that might have on our loved ones. Well done you for caring IMO.

You definitely don't sound shallow.

You're genuinely concerned and that comes from a good place. Completely admirable.

I'm sure your Son will be fine. It sounds like he's got a good grounding from his parents.

Developed nations have come on in leaps and bounds in the last few decades in terms of tolerance and acceptance of people's differences. There's still a long long way to go, but hopefully by the time your Son is at that stage we'll be on the right track. 🙂

When I was at college, one of the most popular boys there was about 5ft 5in, he was handsome, cute and funny with mesmerising blue eyes, and he had most of the girls there wanting him! Including me. 🙂

Chances are your son will end up about 5’8” or 5’9” and will have absolutely no problem meeting women.

He’s 12. He hasn’t had his teenage growth spurt yet. He’ll be fine.

And has any one ever called you shallow? Have you seen any threads from mums of tall sons suggesting women like you are bigoted, and worrying about their 6' sons dating prospects? I'd imagine not, because not enough women feel that way to make it an issue of note, which was my point really.

No. Dating is not an equal rights thing. No one needs to try and want something different to what they actually want.

I've never used OLD but have seen tinder and that kind of thing and yeah there are loads of profiles that specify height and same on here you'd definitely get the impression that short men are doomed to a lonely single life. Add in some real world sampling though and the evidence is clear. It might mean some people don't find you attractive, maybe even quite a lot of people, but unless my life has been an illusion there are lots of women who don't think about height at all.

Also comparing racism and homophobia to the hardships of being 5'4" is pretty offensive

Hi OP,

My DD (10) is on growth hormone and has been for a number of years. But her height and weight were well below the 0.4th percentile. She started school in age 2 clothes and her classmates used to pick her up and put her in the toy pram like a doll. She is now around 25th.
I've had a v quick look and it appears your ds is around the 10th percentile. I'm not sure that's low enough for any intervention/concern, but I may be wrong.
The growth hormone therapy (daily injections) was really encouraged for DD. It wasn't just about height. I also know it's mega bucks and they held off applying before they tried everything else first (like v high calorie diet).

I am a secondary school teacher. There is a huge range of heights in any one class. The smaller students don't have any bother socially.

I don't think being on the tenth percentile is enough of a reason for hormone therapy tbh. I think if you plot it against parent predictor - he comes out at 5.7 - which is ok. If he makes that!

I prob would only consider hormone treatment if we went to an endocrinologist and they said there was an issue. Being short is not enough of a reason,IFYSWIM

I think there are 2 different things.

Dropping centiles due to delayed puberty, hopefully the child will catch up when they are older.

Being an extremely low centile in the first place, growth hormones or other treatments may be offered.

@vitDsunshine According to my son’s height chart which I posted earlier, you DS is about halfway between the 25th and 50th centiles currently and on course for about 174-175cm which is roughly 5’ 8.5” unless his growth isn’t following a typical pattern. The average growth spurt is smoothed out on a growth chart as it averages across a lot of data including those who hit puberty earlier and those who hit it later. My DS2 hit it later and seemed to fall down the centiles until puberty when he jumped back up again. DS3 didn’t really have a big growth spurt and just followed the average line up across puberty.