Child given melatonin without our consent

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

Because it’s a drug, and children shouldn’t be given drugs unless strictly necessary. Not just because you want them to get to sleep quicker.

She’s out of line. Way out of line. It is more common in the US to use these so it’s all slightly less dramatic than here but she’s still out of line

Completely agree with @Happyhappyday on how melatonin works having taken it before but you still don’t dish it out to other people’s children!

Oh I missed the bit about OP being in the US

So it's not a prescription drug, and is commonly used for sleep aid.

I would be livid if someone gave my child something, I’d expect them to ask for giving calpol. And he wouldn’t be going there unsupervised again.

however, if it is 1mg it’s a very small dose and melatonin helps you get to sleep, it doesn’t knock you out, 1-2 hours after taking. It’s available in supermarkets in lots of countries and I have no idea why it’s so strict in the U.K. Adult dose is usually around 6mg and it’s a natural hormone secreted by your body to signal sleep.

Giving children melatonin is really common in the US and you can buy it otc. I think this is the wrong place to ask as in the UK it is a prescription only drug, GPS can't even prescribe, it would have to be a consultant.

Not that I'm saying it's ok to give to people children; juts that the replies here are mainly based on UK situation

@UrsulaIsMyQueen

I agree. That's why my husband and I decided against using it. It's also very common here to give your child an antihistamine before traveling to help keep them drowsy.

@3WildOnes

Yea, I'm starting to wonder if I should ask in a US based sub. But I still think it's not ok that she did that.

There are potential adverse effects of melatonin as well as interactions with certain types of other medications... it's certainly not harmless.

I'd be furious and at the very least would no longer consider them friends; I'd also consider reporting them to the authorities.

I feel so sorry for your poor son as well.. that he was embarrassed because he wet the bed during the sleepover in front of his mates just because an selfish nasty couple decided to give them medicine to make them all sleep very deeply.
It's disgusting.

I live in the UK and would go to the police: if I hadn’t consented to my child being given medication, and the child was not Gillick competent, and there was no reasonable justification such as a medical emergency, then it is unacceptable.

I’d also be worried, given the accident, that it was cannabis not melatonin.

I would be okay with calpol but would be very surprised to be told afterwards rather than asked before, unless I knew the family very well. Perhaps there are some cultural differences at play.

It’s OTC in plenty of countries, in low doses. But the point is it’s used for genuinely disordered sleeping (common among autistic children for instance). Used it myself for a bit. It’s not meant to be used to drug a sleepover! If parents are using it regularly for an easier life they’re not teaching good sleeping habits, just throwing a drug at a problem (which can leave you quite groggy!). It’s despicable.

No, melatonin isn't addictive.

1mg is the mildest dose you can get. And it's not even OTC in the US, you just buy it off the shelf where the vitamins and food supplements are.

I would lose my shit. It doesn't matter if it's an over the counter medication there: you don't randomly give medication to kids without parental consent. I actually think you are unreasonable because you are massively under reacting. I would definitely tell them I was unhappy and I would think carefully before I let my DC play there without my supervision.

@lookingforMolly

Thankfully none of his friends realized. But I felt so bad for him. He never has accidents unless he sleeps unusually deeply, usually due to illness. So I don't think it's a coincidence that it happened last night.

Is it like a controlled drug there?

it’s incredibly difficult to get hold of here. Our GP suggested it for autistic Ds but GP’s are not allowed to prescribe. He referred us to a paed and the referral took almost 12 months. Then the paed refused to prescribe it and instead asked for Ds to be referred for possible ADHD & potentially Ritalin, that referral was refused first time so the GP asked again. Ds was found not to have ADHD, just autism so a referral back to the paed was needed. The whole process took 3 years & still no prescription. By which time I’d already sent off for some from the US & the ADHD nurse told me to just carry on.

@throwbacko2 i thought you were being sarcastic 😂 didn’t appreciate you were genuinely asking!

Of course I understand that the OPs child shouldn't have been given it.

But the replies from some (calling the police, prison time, specialist prescription only) makes it sound like this drug specifically is very dangerous/controlled and I wondered why that was the case when we treat is closer to a Benadryl/allergy type medicine parents choose to give.

Unrelated but I discovered you can buy Zovirax cream for a few pounds in the UK OTC and here it needs a prescription from a doctor and is much more expensive!

@HundredMilesAnHour

Yea, that's why people take it so casually. It's right next to the multivitamins I buy for my family.

US cultural attitudes towards prescription or OTC drugs are extremely different to UK.

Personally I think any kind of unnecessary medicating is bad for your own kids, and borderline criminal for someone elses. BUT is there a cultural assumption that this is not just acceptable but expected which would start to explain her actions??

The FDA has previously approved drugs that sparked an opioid crisis. The US also have a reputation of over-prescribing/medical interventions due to the nature of insurance. Point is just because you can buy it OTC doesn’t mean it’s no big deal.

We all buy paracetamol OTC, doesn’t mean people all react in the same way and it’s not potentially harmful.

@Everydayimhuffling

I think I'm going to think very carefully before letting them go there again. Like a PP said, I don't know if she might give them something else during the day if she thought it was appropriate.

It was the way it was casually dropped into conversation, I'm not sure if she would have said anything if it didn't come up.

I would be livid and never allow my child there again.

@Washeroo

It's a very unhealthy situation. I have lived in the US for 8 years and it's very alarming what is normalized here. As you can see, I apparently thought it was normal for people to give their children melatonin routinely.

My husband and I have almost felt like the weird ones for being opposed to it.

To be honest @HuckleberryBlackcurrant you're going to get a lot of histrionics (as you can see) as most posters on MN are UK based so have zero idea about melatonin and don't realise that it's classed as a food supplement in the US and very commonly available.

Note I'm not excusing the parents' behaviour and your husband should definitely have a word but there are some transatlantic differences at play on this thread.