Child given melatonin without our consent

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

Just seen this thread.

WTAF have I just read???

I would have rang the Police straight away.

What on earth possessed them, that they thought it was right to drug multiple children?

Anyway on the UK there are multiple hoops to jump through before any kids get this drug, and loads of monitoring. It just blows my mind that they gave it to a kid just like that. What if he had had a hidden heart problem? Or a reaction it really doesnt bare thinking about.

@Keyworks I’m sorry but I completely disagree, that’s EXACTLY what they would do. They would normalise it as much as possible. The fact she mentioned other substances which could also be used for a similar effect makes me deeply suspicious. When children are abused it’s is by people they know, it is common practice for sex offenders to groom parents as well as the children- by that I mean they make them trust them and a big aspect is the normalising of things which will make abuse easier. I never comment on MN, however this is just so many red flags I really feel I had to reply.

@KIMBOHO

I asked him to tell me all about the sleepover. He said they stayed up late chatting, fell asleep, woke up early and ate pancakes. I arrived at 10am to drop off his little brother to join the party which was the next morning. So less than 12 hrs total.

He said he had a great time and would be excited to do another sleepover. I don't have any reason to believe anything else happened.

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant It’s great that you spoke with him about the party and he hasn’t disclosed anything concerning. However, there is still the possibility that something could have happened while he was sleeping. I know this is a horrible thought but I really am concerned about the motives of the couple at the heart of this, it won’t do any harm to have an informal chat with a police officer. You are the one who can ensure that nothing of a similar nature or worse can happen in the future to other children. There are so many scenarios which have been pointed out on this thread that could cause issues.

Wtaf? Not ok. I'd never let my son sleep over again

Dont call the police

I'm from the US. It is very common there but they 100% should have asked you.

The British people on the thread are overreacting (I'm American but like in the uk). If someone had done that here (uk), their comments would not be an overreaction. However it is more common to give kids melatonin in the states and less of a safeguarding red flag in my opinion.

Still the parents should not have done that and I'd be mad and not allow my son to sleep there again

If she called you a liar, then I would never speak to her again and your husband should stand by you 100%. I realize that’s so difficult as you attend same church and it’s a small town but she is the liar and telling everyone you are the liar. Not right, Op.

I’ve lived in the USA my entire life. It’s not common at all in my experience. In fact, I don’t care what country anyone’s in, it is wrong to give someone else’s children a drug of any kind without the parents’ consent. Even vitamins should not be given without consent because there’s no knowing of how the parents handle it, if the child has certain needs etc. It is flat out wrong. Same with monster energy drinks.

People are so foolish, just because something is marketed and supposedly a trend doesn’t mean you need to buy it and give it to children, especially other people’s.

Most children are abused by adults the parents trust. This is a fact. Why would they need to drug children at a sleepover to sleep so soundly? Red flags galore, I agree with @KIMBOHO. It also would explain the aggressive pushback of them calling you a liar. Joking about brandy and melatonin and the other stuff. 6 years old is too young for a sleepover.

Parents must be diligent. Abuse happens because parents trust the abusers.

COMPLETELY agree.

Both @KIMBOHO and @MysteryBelle speak truth, regardless of what we may want to hear.

This thread really gnawed at me as it was assumed that giving melatonin to someone else's kid is considered normal in the US. it most definitely is not where I am. So, I called 2 friends with younger children who live on other states (Colorado and Wisconsin). Both had never heard of this as a normal thing (maybe to deal with jet leg but only with doctor approval). And both were VERY disgusted that it was done by another person not a parent. A 3rd friend I asked is in law enforcement and she said to be extra cautious about abuse...that the mom might also take something to sleep at night which keeps her from knowing what's happening in her own home.

What a cop out OP

So upset, so concerned and yet when push comes to shove - don’t want to rock the boat for yourself

In fairness, what can the OP do except never leave their children in that couple's care again? In those small communities where everyone knows each other and is "family" it's impossible to just cut off people completely if you and your kids still live there.

Raising a big fuss over a no-harm-done event a) within a small community b) with family c) when the other parents see the incident as equivalent to putting a plaster on in terms of level of medical intervention plus it's entirely legal ... it's not worth it. Only aggro would result, nothing good would happen for OP.

Parents in USA sending their kids for playdates or sleepovers have to worry if there are accessible guns, ungated swimming pools or opiod prescription pills in the household ... 1 x melatonin gummy just isn't in the same league.

Bed wetting is a nuisance so let's hope that can be improved soon.

Not go around there again.

with or without children

did you read the cousins response?

@lljkk

they knew the op and her husbands stance in melatonin as had been discussed before at length