Child given melatonin without our consent

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

*Melatonin is actually made in the pineal gland and we all make it. So you saying it isn’t made for everyone is untrue.

it’s in lots of our tissues really but it’s a very naturally produced hormone.*

Just because you naturally make something it doesn;t mean it is safe to take more of it.

Autistic people can have problems with melatonin production which is why it is often prescribed for autistic children. I'm assuming it's similar with ADHD although I don't know nearly as much about that.

@Cerealkillerontheloose no what I am saying some people like my son is autistic and not naturally produce enough melatonin them selves telling them day from night!!!! So it's prescribed to my son for those reasons.

Read properly next time.

as in my post above, melatonin is also sold OTC in the UK as ‘gummies’

I don't think so. There are lots of products sold as "natural melatonin sleep aids". These don't contain melatonin. They contain precursors to inhibitory neurotransmitters, e.g. 5-hydroxytryptophan and theanine.

https://www.hollandandbarrett.com/the-health-hub/conditions/sleep/sleep-help/what-are-sleep-gummies/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/melatonin-gummies/s?k=melatonin+gummies

So, while they are almost certainly breaking marketing/advertising laws if they include the word melatonin in their listings, the companies selling these "gummies" aren't illegally selling a prescription-only medication.

@Cerealkillerontheloose So there for not everyone needs PERSCRIBING it Is what I meant 😂😂😂

@Weflewinstyle

We do know the dosage. It was 0.5mg.

This will be my final update I think. Although very frustrated and upset with this couple's actions, it wouldn't be for the best to completely cut things off. We live in a small, isolated town (with no plans to move) where almost everyone knows everyone. There is a lot of my husband's extended family around. Our children are all friends, and we all attend the same church. For all of these reasons, we will not be going for the nuclear option.

My husband and I have had the conversation about not allowing our children there unsupervised. They have shown poor judgement and disregard for our wishes as parents. We have tried to explain this to them but they are unable/unwilling to understand this. So we will act accordingly and minimize our visits there, and.on such visits our children will be actively supervised.

I have spoken with my children about accepting any type of medicine or gummies from anyone, unless they have checked with us first. We rarely leave them with anyone apart from our in laws, who would never do something like this.

We will also be making it explicitly clear to anyone who watches our children that they are not to be given any type of vitamin, supplement or medication without our explicit consent.

There is no reasonable way I could have interpreted her joke about brandy as her saying she was going to give the children melatonin. She knew I thought it was a joke as I replied by saying that if they drank all the brandy instead, they wouldn't hear any noise the children made. I'm very upset that she has made me out to be a liar, but at this point it's my word against hers.

I just did a final update, but not sure why it's been hidden. Hopefully they review it and allow it to be seen....

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant I'm so sorry this happened to your little boy. Melatonin has sedative, analgesic, anti-inflammatory, anti-oxidative and chronobiotic effects and should only ever be administered by a primary caregiver so for someone to think that it's ok to do this to someone's else's child without explicit permission is just horrific.

Personally, I think six is a little too young for a sleepover and I have grave concerns about a couple who invite a load of very small children around to their house and then sedate them. I mean why? Has your sons bed wetting continued? Did he say much about the sleepover? This is an extremely serious situation.

I appreciate that these people are part of your family/small community but a. I'd probe your little boy to find out if he can remember/give you any details about the playdate and b. would never so much as let the children interact with them without either you or your husband always being present. There is something so off about all of this.

I'd be furious and certainly speaking with the parents. Especially as it caused an accident that embarrassed your child

This seems absolutely crazy. Uk here and drugging your kids is just not considered ok

Uk here and drugging your kids is just not considered ok

Quite a lot of parents in the UK give their children antihistamines to make them sleep, despite numerous warnings against doing it.

Thanks for the update @HuckleberryBlackcurrant . I think you have handled the situation very well and it is good that you have realized now that you don't trust their judgement if they were going to be acting in loco parentis and you and your son are going to be more prepared for a similar situation if it ever happens again.

I never said it was safe

if you read my post I said the last sentence the person said was untrue

i didn’t say everyone dose your kids up with it.

😂😂😂😂

I didn’t say that either

read Properly 😂😂😂😂

@CountessWindyBottom

I agree with you, I now think 6 is too young for a sleepover. I wish we would have said no. Actually his bed wetting has continued. Almost every night since, he has wet the bet. While it's not unheard of for him to have an accident, it's been a while since he has wet so frequently. I'm wondering if it's down to him sleeping so deeply from all the activities we have been doing. He has had swimming and football every day.

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant When my kids were small, another mum (with older kids) advised me to put off sleepovers as long as possible . She said they only caused trouble. I took her advice and managed to get kids to about 11/12 before agreeing to any. To this day, they are not that keen on them (now 18 and 16): they prefer their uninterrupted sleep. They always tended to come back from them exhausted and out of sorts. Maybe something to think about. Good luck!

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant I just looked it up and melatonin has a half-life of 2-50 minutes and it stays in the system for 4-5 hours so it's not like he has had days of after effects solely from that. I suggested maybe gently asking him to give you a run-down of the sleepover and everything that he can remember. Yes, increased bed wetting that is regressive can be indicative of recent stress or upset which has recently occurred so it's a good idea to find out if everything was ok at the sleepover. It could be increased activities that are making him very tired but I'd be making absolutely sure that nothing stressful or untoward happened while he was there.

@Peachy2005

I think that's good advice. I don't see how it really benefitted him. In fact it didn't. I'm definitely not eager to arrange any more sleepovers with anyone

@CountessWindyBottom

I will talk to him. Better safe than sorry.

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant Are you putting overnight pull-ups on him?

I'd be super annoyed too. It maybe common place but melatonin can have side effects+should not just be given our because you want a quiet night.

This is a lot of drama over nothing really.

@Sleepydoor
No, as he's been weeks without an accident

It really is not!

i have hosted countless sleepovers for my kid over the last 9 years (sometimes with up to 10 kids sleeping over for a party) and it never even crossed my mind to drug any of them. It's absolutely not normal to do so!!

OP, as I said in my other post which I think has been swallowed up in the thread. I think the fact they have given medication to a 6 year old to induce a deep sleep is extremely concerning. He has continued to wet the bed which can be an indication of sexual abuse, I am sorry to put it so blatantly but I think you ought to consider the possibility that something like that might have occurred. I think it would be worth going to the police, they may not do anything, however, there may be or have been other things that you do not know have happened and this could be a useful piece of a bugger puzzle. I understand you have strong ties to these people and the thought of escalating things is troubling however, we all have a duty to make uncomfortable decisions to protect children.