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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you think if this happened to you?

368 replies

Paintedrockk · 28/07/2023 20:02

Just curious.

Ten years ago when I was in secondary school I was seeing this guy and I was head over heels for him but he never committed. Was just young and naive at the time

Two years after we left school we started seeing each other again but just for sex and chilling together, again he wouldn’t commit, he felt a bit used at the time as I really did like him and my feelings never really went away

He then got into a relationship with somebody straight after ending things with us hooking up and I felt hurt about it as he never committed to me or made things official and I felt a bit used

Fast forward to now they split about 6 months ago and he is contacting me asking how I’ve been saying long time no speak stranger etc. what would you do?

OP posts:
Dita73 · 31/07/2023 11:55

Tell him to fuck right off. It took him 7 years to realise he made a mistake?! Bullshit. He just wants you as something to do before the next girlfriend comes along. Don’t fall for it

minou123 · 31/07/2023 11:56

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 11:26

Tbh I do have low self esteem and I was at his beck and call and he knows that so is just trying it on again. For some reason he’s always been that guy to me who I have never really fully got over but I will never be good enough for him. I can tell he is just trying to charm me and it definitely does say a lot about what he thinks about me

Do not message him
Do not contact him

Not only are you good enough for him, but actually you too good for him.

This is where you the Power of Silence.

In my opinion it's the best power to have and will help with your self esteem.

You don't have to block him. Just don't respond.
The minute you respond, with anything, he has got hat he wants and you are engaging with him.

Some PP have written great responses, but even with thpse, you are starting to communicate with him.

Power of Silence - you are taking charge, you are in control. Not him.
This will really boost your confidence.

IncompleteSenten · 31/07/2023 11:57

When he said he wasn't ready to be in a relationship, he meant he did not want to be in a relationship with you.

You're someone he wants to fuck when he's got nobody else to fuck.

You're a placeholder and you need to value yourself more highly than to go along with that.

Tombero · 31/07/2023 12:04

I would enjoy the feeling it gave me that he’d got I touch and wanted to see me again.

Then I would hold onto that feeling by ignoring him or politely declining. I’d be acutely aware that in a few months time I’d be back to square one and been used as a stop gap by him again.

It’s hard but don’t give him back the power.

orangeyeahthatsright · 31/07/2023 12:23

Tombero · 31/07/2023 12:04

I would enjoy the feeling it gave me that he’d got I touch and wanted to see me again.

Then I would hold onto that feeling by ignoring him or politely declining. I’d be acutely aware that in a few months time I’d be back to square one and been used as a stop gap by him again.

It’s hard but don’t give him back the power.

This exactly. And I wouldn't block him, it makes it look like he's got to you. Indifference is the way forward.

Poppyblush · 31/07/2023 12:30

He didn’t give you the time of day before, and now you’re just a booty call, so I think you should wake up and realise that

FloydPepper · 31/07/2023 12:34

I think you should have your eyes wide open. He’s only looking for some fun. If you know that and are genuinely ok with that then go for it, there’s nothing wrong with it.

if you’re wishing or expecting anything more then you’re just setting yourself up to be hurt.

Eddielizzard · 31/07/2023 12:43

Come round to his = booty call.

Nope I'd make him work a little harder if he really means what he says.

itsmyp4rty · 31/07/2023 12:44

I would message him but I'd say 'Nice to hear from you hope you're doing ok but I've moved on now so won't be popping round'.

He obviously thinks that you getting to shag him is a 'special occasion'. Idiot.

Tryingmuchharder · 31/07/2023 13:04

@Paintedrockk he sees you has someone to have sex with and he is free at the moment. If you want sex with him fine but maybe move on since he offers nothing of any value other than casual sex.

TerfTalking · 31/07/2023 13:07

Good grief OP, if you were my DD I would be giving you a good shake.

Almost everyone on this thread is giving you similar advice, he didn't want you before other than for a "comfort break", he didn't want you during his LT relationship, he's isn't getting sex now, his pride is hurt by being dumped, his chat is arrogant and presumptuous, his ego squished and you are the one reliable option that can make it all better for him, at your expense.

I actually think a no response and a block is a sure fine way to go. IME, blocking someone is the only way you can ever get over them because you cannot see them or imagine their lives or know what they're up to and eventually you genuinely stop caring and move on.

Why do you even still follow him? Do you check up on his pictures regularly and like the occasional one?

Please for your own sanity, BLOCK.

DisquietintheRanks · 31/07/2023 13:16

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 11:34

Also what I do know is that it was actually his ex who broke things off with him so if she didn’t they would most likely still be together and I know he wouldn’t be in contact now

And yet you are still wondering whether to meet him.

Your self esteem will improve if you start treating yourself with some self respect.

Takeabreather23 · 31/07/2023 13:35

Cheeky feckertoue good enough to sleep with in between relationships but not good enough to get serious about.

Hes made his feelings very clear
Steer clear he wants fun after a serious relationship

Escapetofrance · 31/07/2023 13:36

Know your worth. You deserve much better than this!

ohsuzannah · 31/07/2023 14:07

2 word message : Fuck off!

willWillSmithsmith · 31/07/2023 14:11

I had someone similar to this and bumped into him a few years later at a social do. He was very eager to reconnect and asked me to meet up with him after the do ended. I left without meeting up with him and never regretted it. Your chapter in his book ended years ago, close the book.

crazeekat · 31/07/2023 14:21

he's on the rebound and wants an easy ride. this is when he thinks of you.
tell him to get to fk and fine someeone else stupid enough.

billy1966 · 31/07/2023 14:25

His ego has been bruised so he has decided to reach out to you to massage it.

You could be anyone.

He remembers how you were totally hung up on him and wants to feel better about himself.

This is so not about you, its totally about him and his bruised ego scratching around for a salve.

The arrogance to have expected you to still be hung up is presumptuous but possibly an indicator to how badly you had it and he knew it.

By total silence and not responding in any way, you show him he no longer figures.

Silence is powerful in these situations.

BitchBrigade · 31/07/2023 14:49

You are worth far more than this. Someone out there is waiting to treat you like you deserve to be treated and this is NOT it.

Know your worth OP.

Original poster
Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 16:41

He has messaged to say he needs cheering up and potentially could be loosing his job so needs some company

OP posts:
Original poster
Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 16:41

Thank you everyone for your kind comments. It has helped to hear this from others

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 31/07/2023 16:47

Don’t reply, it’s not your job to cheer him up. He’s now realising you aren’t responding to him as expected so he’s trying to get some sympathy.

Please, I know it’s hard, but ignore him! Don’t reply to him! If you feel the need to reply then bluntly say that’s a shame and leave it at that.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 31/07/2023 16:52

He’s thinking of one thing only. You are better than this.

You can take control by blocking him. Don’t even lower yourself to replying.

Gerrataere · 31/07/2023 17:05

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 16:41

He has messaged to say he needs cheering up and potentially could be loosing his job so needs some company

I’ve been where you are op. When I was younger and dafter there was a guy who used me in the same way. Every time in between girlfriends (and occasionally whilst with them) he’d be wanting a meaningless quickie. And that’s fine, I have no issue with that (not the cheating though, shitty behaviour on both our parts). But you get older and realise that when in late teens/early 20s it’s not about having a fuck buddy, it’s men using you when you’re young, vulnerable and think sex and personal male connections is what you’re meant to be doing.

You think you owe men your body, time and comfort. If it’s not going to give you fulfilment and/or leaves you longing for a more meaningful connecting which is very unlikely to happen, then it’s not worth it.

BadNomad · 31/07/2023 17:23

Have you been responding to him or is he just sending these random messages?