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Original poster

What would you think if this happened to you?

368 replies

Paintedrockk · 28/07/2023 20:02

Just curious.

Ten years ago when I was in secondary school I was seeing this guy and I was head over heels for him but he never committed. Was just young and naive at the time

Two years after we left school we started seeing each other again but just for sex and chilling together, again he wouldn’t commit, he felt a bit used at the time as I really did like him and my feelings never really went away

He then got into a relationship with somebody straight after ending things with us hooking up and I felt hurt about it as he never committed to me or made things official and I felt a bit used

Fast forward to now they split about 6 months ago and he is contacting me asking how I’ve been saying long time no speak stranger etc. what would you do?

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 31/07/2023 11:02

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 10:32

He said that if I do go and see him it will be ‘some what of a special occasion’

Seriously?? Now is the time to block. He's not taking any hints from your lack of engagement. He's borderline harassing you for sex 😯

If he really was into you he would have reached out sooner, and his texts would have been nicer and less vomit inducingly predictable. He doesn't want you for you. Remember that.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/07/2023 11:04

OP, he doesn't even have the decency to court you, he wants you to go to him.... Not to take you out for dinner or anything.
Just an easy lay where he stays comfortably at home whilst you go running to him.

He is taking you for a fool and thinks he can still get away with it even after all this time.

In all this, what do YOU want..... seems it's all about his thoughts, ideas, suggestions, plans but nothing to do with yours.

Do you want to be someone's rebound?
Do you want to be used?
Do you want to be hurt again by the same person?
He's shown you a pattern, that's his character, he won't change and wouldn't be surprised if you aren't the only one he's messaging.

He certainly doesn't value you or your feelings.

You could let him have his way like he's always done.
You could tell him you're not ready for a relationship with him.
Or you could block/ ignore him and carry on with your life.

Being wanted feels exciting, but there's a difference between someone wanting You and someone wanting to USE you.

mrsbyers · 31/07/2023 11:04

I’d tell him to fuck off , if you weren’t good enough for a relationship then he’s not good enough for you now

SGsling · 31/07/2023 11:04

He doesn’t really like you, you’re just his “safety net”. My advice is to let him know you’re single but to decline. You would never trust him anyway not to do a repeat of the last (two) times

Moveoverdarlin · 31/07/2023 11:07

Going against most responses here, but I’d message back and meet him. Out of stubbornness and my determination not to get fucked over by men, I often turned down men that had wronged me in the past when I in fact really liked them. I’d literally tell them to fuck off whilst inside I was saying ‘I love you’. I regret that now. Go with your heart. But yes, you might get hurt, but you might not. You might live happily ever after. Who knows, but don’t not go because you want to be strong and hold your head high.

Mutinyonthecrunchie · 31/07/2023 11:16

He'll say anything he thinks you want to hear if he thinks he's going to get a shag out of it.
Just, for arguements sake, say that you did meet up it'll be a quick shag and he'll string you along again or cast you off for someone else.
Block completely and ignore, he sounds a right sleaze, be the smart one and move on.

Anewuser · 31/07/2023 11:16

Obviously OP is going to message back or meet him.

If she wasn’t interested, she wouldn’t have come on social media to ask the question.

OP, have some self respect and ignore him. You know what the options are: block/ignore and move on, get back in contact to meet up and tell him where to go, or get back in contact to meet up and become FWB again. Do you really want to go back there?

ihadamarveloustime · 31/07/2023 11:18

I'd block him.

If you can't bring yourself to do that, only meet him in public. Grab a coffee for a catch up but do not go to his or let him in yours.

Chipperfish · 31/07/2023 11:21

Sounds like you are a between relationships booty call to him and he hasnt moved on in 10 years. He used you last time and the message suggests hes not interested in who you are now, how your life has changed in the last 6-7 years, what you are doing or forming a serious relationship. Hes stuck at 'Paintedrock fancies me/i can tap that' without any consideration for what you might be doing or wanting in life

Move on, get some self respect and find what you want in life and relationships on your own terms, dont risk being hurt and feeling used by running to him when he whistles.

Hes not the one who got away, hes the one who never moved on

lifeturnsonadime · 31/07/2023 11:21

Ughhh what a charmer.

Have the self respect to block him.

He just wants to use and drop you again when someone better comes up.

Original poster
Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 11:26

Tbh I do have low self esteem and I was at his beck and call and he knows that so is just trying it on again. For some reason he’s always been that guy to me who I have never really fully got over but I will never be good enough for him. I can tell he is just trying to charm me and it definitely does say a lot about what he thinks about me

OP posts:
5128gap · 31/07/2023 11:26

You're the fall back girl. There for when there's no better option. Known, comfortable and low effort required. No happiness in this for you. Block and forget.

Original poster
Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 11:28

@ThatDayIBecameFree 😂 yeah those exact words!

OP posts:
FOJN · 31/07/2023 11:33

Block him, take your power back.

It will improve yourself esteem to make a decision in your own best interests because you know you deserve better.

5128gap · 31/07/2023 11:34

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 11:26

Tbh I do have low self esteem and I was at his beck and call and he knows that so is just trying it on again. For some reason he’s always been that guy to me who I have never really fully got over but I will never be good enough for him. I can tell he is just trying to charm me and it definitely does say a lot about what he thinks about me

He's that guy to you because he's trained you to see him that way by being all over you then distancing when you get to like it. When he comes back it feels all the better because he withheld it for a time. Like a cake tastes better when you've been dieting for a while. Its a mind trick. It's not real. He's not special or the one. Just a common place user, who is probably good-looking and/or funny with a superficial charm, so you find him sexually attractive and enjoy his company.

Original poster
Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 11:34

Also what I do know is that it was actually his ex who broke things off with him so if she didn’t they would most likely still be together and I know he wouldn’t be in contact now

OP posts:
Katey83 · 31/07/2023 11:35

He will just waste your time again. You don’t want to be 36 and he is still sending these messages…ask me how I know.

MollysBrolly · 31/07/2023 11:35

Find someone who doesn't treat you like shit. You're better than being his sex friend who is at his beck and call. Bloxk, delete and get some self esteem

Isthatarealname · 31/07/2023 11:38

Geeeez a year of stringing you along...

I wouldn't even reply tbh just delete and block. It wont end well.

JavaQ · 31/07/2023 11:45

Keep away from the naked flame. Especially a naked old flame.

AngelinaFibres · 31/07/2023 11:45

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 11:34

Also what I do know is that it was actually his ex who broke things off with him so if she didn’t they would most likely still be together and I know he wouldn’t be in contact now

Take a piece of A4 and split into 2. One side positives about him and your previous 'relationships'. The other side how his actions have made you feel/ shitty things he has done over all these years. You may well find one side is a lot longer than the other.
When my exhusband left me I was devastated. I couldn't think straight. A friend suggested doing the list. I realised that I was missing the person I wanted him to be ,but he wasn't that person and he never really had been. He had presented himself as someone he wasn't and I fell for it. . There are far better people out there for you Op. As the saying goes ' Never make someone a priority who only sees you as an option'

CollagenQueen · 31/07/2023 11:49

Hell would freeze over before would reply to this gimp.

He honestly thinks, that after SEVEN years, you are still hanging around, just waiting on him clicking his fingers for a booty call. He thinks you're THAT LAME. And he thinks that he's THAT HOT.

My pride would not let me go there.

And he not a committer, is he? Seven years with his GF, and he didn't put a ring on it.

If you meet him, you are insane.

ThatDayIBecameFree · 31/07/2023 11:52

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 11:28

@ThatDayIBecameFree 😂 yeah those exact words!

Mate, you are BETTER than that!

Ineedaduvetday · 31/07/2023 11:53

While it was a long time ago, I was in a similar situation. I really liked him but he wouldn't commit and did the 'I'm not ready for a relationship' bit, but was happy to get into a relationship with someone else after me.

Looking back now it is clear to me he was ready for a committed relationship, what he didn't say was it would not be with me. I was his Miss Right Now. I just felt so much for him at the time I couldn't see clearly.

WinterDeWinter · 31/07/2023 11:54

OP I'd normally say run a mile - but 7 years is a long time and boys in particular do quite a lot of their growing up over that age period.

He probably will just want a shag - but if you really liked him and it was only in his failure to commit that he was an arsehole, I think I would give him the opportunity to prove himself. A very brief window of opportunity, mind - if he doesn't want to get serious immediately I'd walk away and tell him why.