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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would you think if this happened to you?

368 replies

Paintedrockk · 28/07/2023 20:02

Just curious.

Ten years ago when I was in secondary school I was seeing this guy and I was head over heels for him but he never committed. Was just young and naive at the time

Two years after we left school we started seeing each other again but just for sex and chilling together, again he wouldn’t commit, he felt a bit used at the time as I really did like him and my feelings never really went away

He then got into a relationship with somebody straight after ending things with us hooking up and I felt hurt about it as he never committed to me or made things official and I felt a bit used

Fast forward to now they split about 6 months ago and he is contacting me asking how I’ve been saying long time no speak stranger etc. what would you do?

OP posts:
Pickledpigeon · 31/07/2023 10:26

Ignore and block the cheeky bastard. Doesn’t matter what he thinks about you blocking him, but it will prevent him from contacting you again and causing any more upset.

Kugela · 31/07/2023 10:28

@Paintedrockk I don’t think it’s dramatic to block him. It’s setting a clear boundary for yourself against someone who wants to use you. I wouldn’t bother replying to his message - just block, delete and move on.

Imsureitsprobablymebut · 31/07/2023 10:28

I wish I’d had MN and this advice 20 years ago when I was going through exactly this !

OP you deserve better - go out, have fun, find someone so much better xx

MrsSkylerWhite · 31/07/2023 10:28

Paintedrockk · Today 09:47
I feel as though he is trying to get in my head a bit as I didn’t respond since and he called me this morning on instagram chat at 8:20am and then said he didn’t mean to call which is fine but he must have been back on the chat to be able to do that”

You sound besotted. You’re analysing every little detail.

Stop! Ignore and get on with your life.

Original poster
Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 10:32

He said that if I do go and see him it will be ‘some what of a special occasion’

OP posts:
Original poster
Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 10:33

Yeah tbh I don’t know why he still has this effect on me after all this time, even after how he treated me before

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 31/07/2023 10:35

Op you need to put him in his place now. He thinks this constant contact will win you over but you’ve been burned before by him. Tell him that, tell him he messed you around and used you before and you’re not falling for it again. He’s only interested when he’s lonely and you’re not looking to be a rebound or a place holder before the next girlfriend comes around.

He’s playing every ancient trick in the book and the accidental phone call wasn’t that. He’s wanting you to look and respond to his message. Go onto your instagram settings and turn off when you’re online that way he can’t see if you’re online to try and bother you.

Middleagedmeangirls · 31/07/2023 10:36

'It was strange back then as I met his mum and everything but he would never make anything official with me or progress anything'

It really isn't strange at all - he just wasn't that into you.

I agree with the other posters saying he is just looking for a shag. ignore him.

And bear in mind he's probably sent out similar messages to several old FWB. He will be casting his net wide to see who is dumb enough to be fooled again.

Hiddenvoice · 31/07/2023 10:37

Some guys will always have that effect on us, I have one guy who does the same to me but you need to respect yourself and put yourself first. It hurt the last time he messed you about and it will hurt so much more this time.

freedome · 31/07/2023 10:40

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

XiCi · 31/07/2023 10:44

Oh god OP he sounds worse every time you update. He left you for a woman he has had a long term relationship with. 6 months have gone by since they split and he us desperate for sex and he thinks he can just pick up where he left off 10 years ago and start shagging you. He knows how you felt about him and us trying to manipulate you. Notice there is no effort to meet on your terms. No, you have to travel to his place for the prize of being shagged. 'Someehat of a special occasion'? What an absolute piece of shit.

Are you responding to him? You really need to stop replying to him and tell him you're not interested and to stop bothering you. Don't let him hurt you again.

To be honest though I think you would have shut this down much sooner if you were going to and can see you being right back in the place you started. I hope not because I imagine the dent to your self esteem will be much bigger this time.

Pickledpigeon · 31/07/2023 10:47

Kugela · 31/07/2023 10:28

@Paintedrockk I don’t think it’s dramatic to block him. It’s setting a clear boundary for yourself against someone who wants to use you. I wouldn’t bother replying to his message - just block, delete and move on.

I don’t think it’s dramatic to block, it’s a clear fuck off from the op. The bloke also sounds like a pest messaging her so much.
It really doesn’t matter what he thinks about her actions, or the op portraying herself as sexy and in demand these days, whatever. Who wants to impress a manipulative tosser. Block, forget and find someone worthy of your attention.

MrsRachelDanvers · 31/07/2023 10:47

Why be all dramatic and block him? Just tell him you’re not interested in just sex and you don’t want to be bothered.

baconcrisp · 31/07/2023 10:48

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

caringcarer · 31/07/2023 10:50

FOJN · 28/07/2023 20:05

Block. He just wants sex.

This.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 31/07/2023 10:50

NEVER GO BACK!
Not to a job, a man or a lit firework. There is a reason it didn't go anywhere. move onwards, not backwards

Pinkitydrinkity · 31/07/2023 10:51

Def just ignore him, who cares.

Honeyroar · 31/07/2023 10:54

Have you responded to any of his messages?

Just say you were a different person back then, you don’t look back on your time together as being that good, and you don’t want to repeat it. Tell him you’ve got too much on for a catch up and wish him well.

Pickledpigeon · 31/07/2023 10:56

MrsRachelDanvers · 31/07/2023 10:47

Why be all dramatic and block him? Just tell him you’re not interested in just sex and you don’t want to be bothered.

Can you explain why it’s dramatic to block, you are basically using a function on your phone to stop unwanted contact ?

Fourfurrymonsters · 31/07/2023 10:56

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 10:32

He said that if I do go and see him it will be ‘some what of a special occasion’

Oh my gods this is sounding worse and worse. He’s an absolute shit who wants you to travel to him for the special privilege of sucking his dick. Whatever he says, this is what he thinks of you. For the love of all the gods please just tell him to fuck right off and never contact you again.

DoubleTime · 31/07/2023 10:56

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 10:32

He said that if I do go and see him it will be ‘some what of a special occasion’

Urgh......well he certainly made it obvious. The best thing to do is ignore him (he will move n and try someone else, if he isn't messaging women in tandem already), but I would be SO tempted to answer that one and say-
' No thanks, I have a special occasion elsewhere '
(and then you would need to block, any answer is going to encourage this guy)

BeaLola · 31/07/2023 10:58

Don't go back - move forward and forget about him - you deserve someone who values you for you - the easy option is to take him back Don't do it

ThatDayIBecameFree · 31/07/2023 10:59

Somewhat of a special occasion 🤣🤣

Did he actually use that phrase? That's enough to make your fanny clamp shut surely!?

DNLove · 31/07/2023 11:00

Gonna go against the grain here but won't you always wonder "what if" if you don't meet him. If you are strong enough to meet him and not sleep with go and hear what he has to say with a big dose of scepticism. Meet for coffee so alcohol doesn't lower your resistance to his charms.
If he starts pushing for sex you'll know straight away. If he asks you out again suggest cinema, etc that doesn't involve alcohol.
If conversation becomes oh I love you, neve stopped thinking about you, it why I never married ex etc. then tell him you'll be taking it slow and won't be having sex for at least 6 months. You'll know quickly how soon he puts next date in diary.

LifeStrife · 31/07/2023 11:01

Ignore, he sounds like a user.