Do all parents of one child find holidays intense?

[relaxationescapesme]

NC for this.

Long anticipated holiday with DP and 13 yr old DS.

Expensive, far away, vigorously researched and organised. Always wjth DS's best interests at heart - mix of activities, chill, places where he might meet other kids. (We often go away with friends but this was a bigger trip and I wanted for it to just be us).

We've had some great moments but wow, it's intense. DS is hard effing work - pretty sulky, not compromising, takes so much coaxing to do what we ask - basically same shit, different place. Except now we are all together in paradise but also in a pressure cooker. We've all argued, as a result.

And these are the times I feel bad that he's an only child. It's like the light is shone on his lack of sibling when he is surrounded by other families, whose kids can just muck around in the pool.

He has made friends but they then left.

I honestly feel like I won't organise another holiday like this again. So much work, money and stress.

And then the sadness about him being an only child.

Agree this may be an age (or possibly a personality*) thing more than an only child thing. Impossible to know, of course, but I am about to go away for a few days JUST ME — no DH or kids — which is something I’ve NEVER done before, and the idea of being able to just do what I want rather than try to please EVERYBODY is really exciting! (I might hate it and be really lonely of course, and desperate to come home…)
*Don’t mean that in a derogatory way; I think some children — with or without siblings — are more flexible/laid back/accommodating than others (the same as adults!)…

Thanks to all who replied. Some really interesting responses and I'm grateful.

It's not his personality. It's your expectations.

So, you know the OP’s son? 😕

I meant my son, obviously! No idea why I started talking in third person.

But I have a much better idea of my son's personality than anyone on this board!

My DD has always been a delight on holidays - from toddler to teen to young adult. She loves swimming in the pool and reading in the shade, a spot of shopping/sightseeing then eating out at night. She's often attracted similar aged girls desperate to peel away from the intensity of their sibling group.

So I don't think it's anything to do with your son being an only child and more to do with his personality at this age. Hopefully, next year will be better.

We were laughing last night as friends who recounted the year their 15 year old Ds flatly refused to go on holiday with them. They made him go and he spent the whole trip in a massive strop and nearly ruined it. It was a few years ago now He’s actually usually a lovely lad and has turned out very well but a cautionary tale!

Why are you writing as if you're not the OP? Are you writing as multiple people on this thread? How strange.

But no, it's obvious I don't know your child. But I can tell your expectations are all wrong. Your son is effectively alone on an adults holiday. But even so, most parents find holidays hard work, that's normal. That's what EVERYONE says after a holiday "great break but not really relaxing".

Sounds like you misjudged it by not taking his friend.

If you had bothered to read my posts, you’d have seen that I (because I was distracted by my son!) wrote weirdly in 3rd person, rather than as the OP. Why on earth would I be multiple people?

as for your comments - thank you for your judgmental input. You are wrong on several counts - there’s nothing adult about this holiday and taking a friend was not on the cards. But hey, swoop in with your overconfident assumptions about me and my expectations.

Just back from the holiday of a lifetime. I could have written your post. On reflection it was bloody hard work and a huge expense which could have gone towards having work done on the house. The lack of gratitude was upsetting.... try to prioritise yourself and your DH. 😊

But you are adults on holiday with a teen however jolly and down with the kids you try to be! Honestly it’s a teen thing. They are pulling away from the family unit it’s biological. Getting cross and frustrated at them just upsets everyone and is pointless. And why should they be grateful when they don’t actually really want to be there ?

From the age of about 13 DS didn't spend much time with us on holiday and on our last holiday - when he was 15 - where I'd paid loads to get 2 rooms in an expensive hotel so that he would have privacy but also constant access to nice food (he'd hated us self catering the previous year), he commented that he didn't really like holidays.
He's now 19 and hasn't been on one since. Of course Covid took out a couple of years anyway but holidays are too expensive to pay for someone who doesn't want to be there.

My son is an only and from the first time we took him to Greece aged 14 months until he was 12 he was an absolute delight. Fun easy going and a brilliant companion.

Then aged 13 he went into the moody teen phase and was much harder work. DH and i had separated by this point so took him away on two holidays a month apart. DS slept until midday and then had to be dragged out of bed only to sit in the shade most of the day only emerging from under his umbrella to jump in pool of when he was thirsty.
He livened up in the evenings and we had some really enjoyable evenings having dinner together. He wanted to go to bars with a pool table, quiz, showing football or the one that was showing the love island final - much to my horror. But it was about compromising and I was happy to sit with a couple of wines while he watched the big screen or played pool with other teens.

Sadly we missed out on what would have been the last holidays together due to Covid restrictions. He’s 18 now and wouldn’t want to spend a week away with me but who knows, one day he might want to again.

Im just glad we got those times together and made memories

The moral of all this is travel with them 6-12. Visit interesting places. We did soooo much with ours at those ages - so glad we did!

There’s such a small window! Anything before about 6 they don’t appreciate or don’t remember and then after 13 they’re bitching about it!
We took our kids to Switzerland and Paris at 4/5 and 6 (we’re from Aus) and the youngest says he “kind of” remembers it 🤦‍♀️
So we’re currently doing as much as we can while they’re of that Goldilocks age where they are old enough to remember/enjoy/take part in things but not too grumpy and moody.

Definitely. I have so many lovely memories of beach holidays with my son at primary school age. And he still remembers those trips well.

We did have nice holidays pre school too but very different and he only remembers a few big moments.

We house swapped all over Europe with our primary aged kids had so many adventures! 13/14 is the most challenging ages they want to pull away but can’t hence the moodiness and frustration. Our 17 year old now v happy to come with us as long as it’s a nice place

I did read your other comment, I just didn't believe it.

I don't think distraction causes someone to write in the 3rd person. You clearly wanted it to seem like more people agree with you. How many of the other comments are from you OP?!

And don't post on an internet forum, asking for opinions, it you don't want them.

Sorry you're not enjoying your trip. I suggest next time you adjust your expectations and invite a friend along. Don't take the advise if you don't want it though - obviously.

It's not the fact that your son is an only, it's that he's choosing to behave badly. Posters are excusing this as being down to his age but teens only behave like this because we let them.

In order to try and save the holiday could your DH take him to one side for a chat - man to man as it were - and let him know he's upsetting you. I'm not usually into bribery but DH could say "if you stop being a twat from now on, I'll take you and a mate to Alton Towers (or wherever) when we're home."

And remember to choose to enjoy your holiday with your DH.

Best of luck, OP.

How many of the other comments are from you OP?!

Give over with the troll hunting.

You can't name change in the middle of threads any more.

@TheaBrandt ha our 25 year old same (and was at 18) had champagne tastes and standards - lol!!

@SamW98 I assure you he will if your paying and he's skint!!! Been there

Oh I’m fully expecting him to suddenly get interested in holidays again. He’s been telling me the places he wants to go - though not sure where he thinks the money coming from!

@SchoolShenanigans - it's advice not advise

I've taken ADVICE, just not from judgmental, critical posters who think they have the monopoly on opinions and can't spell.

I will not be replying to you again.

I think this is true as well - it's about choice