Do all parents of one child find holidays intense?

[relaxationescapesme]

NC for this.

Long anticipated holiday with DP and 13 yr old DS.

Expensive, far away, vigorously researched and organised. Always wjth DS's best interests at heart - mix of activities, chill, places where he might meet other kids. (We often go away with friends but this was a bigger trip and I wanted for it to just be us).

We've had some great moments but wow, it's intense. DS is hard effing work - pretty sulky, not compromising, takes so much coaxing to do what we ask - basically same shit, different place. Except now we are all together in paradise but also in a pressure cooker. We've all argued, as a result.

And these are the times I feel bad that he's an only child. It's like the light is shone on his lack of sibling when he is surrounded by other families, whose kids can just muck around in the pool.

He has made friends but they then left.

I honestly feel like I won't organise another holiday like this again. So much work, money and stress.

And then the sadness about him being an only child.

Maybe it is age - and personality. It's honestly so boring, trying to get him to do basic things while he signs and sulks - we are in paradise! Maybe I'm being ridiculous expecting him to appreciate it like we do

I don't think they will appreciate what we do to plan and pay for these holidays until they are a lot older.

All holidays are intense with children, no matter the number, because you are altogether and expecting to have a good time

There is so much pressure on everyone. It's cost a fortune, its the only time off work, and you want it to be good.

Have you factored in time apart? He's old enough to hang out in the room by himself for a bit or go for a walk so you aren't all together every second.

The only child thing is a red herring. It’s being 13. You need to massively chill out. I have awful memories of my usually lovely parents repeatedly yelling at me on our summer holiday when I was about this age because I was withdrawn and sulky. I wasn’t meaning to be I was perfectly happy inside I just wasn’t a perky little girl anymore and they couldn’t adjust.

What is he that you are trying to get him to do?

Is he tired, hot, jet lagged?
He probably needs some time by himself each day

@relaxationescapesme I don't think I appreciated holidays at all as a teenager unless they were on my terms - I just didn't want to spend time with my parents and honestly probably had no idea how much it had cost, how hard they had worked for if etc. As an adult with our own small DC we've been on some (much more modest!) holidays with my parents which they have subsided and I'm so grateful. I would actually LOVE to go back to some of the places I was "dragged" as an teen.

I also complained constantly about visits to museums, galleries etc which my dad loved and well, I became a history teacher and now take trips dragging students round the same sort of places so it did stick...

We went on one trip to the US when I was about 11 and I remember a big talk with my dad about how I had ruined his holiday - I think I felt upset but honestly I don't think I had the empathy at that age to really understand that he was completely reasonable and I was being vile. Most of my most fun trips as a teenager were to a family friends' holiday home as I said as they had teens I really got on with - it wasn't in a glamorous place it was a family property in France and probably cost my parents very little.

It’s why it’s so important to do family holidays when they are 6-11. 13 plus gets sooooo much harder.

I think it's different personalities. DD is an only one, grown up now.
She was very outgoing and made friends easily on holidays, but was also happy to be with us. She never wanted to do the kids clubs. She was happiest in the pool, so right in front of our sun beds.
We went to the Thomson Superfamily hotels back in the 90s. They were great. I loved those days, would give anything for her to be 10 again ☺️
When she got to her teens we had a few holidays where she'd bring a friend. I found those harder tbh...esp one year when she was about 18 and she and her friend went to a club in Ibiza, I didn't sleep til they were in which I think was about 5 in the morning 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think it's down to personality rather than being an only child.

DD is an only, now 18. She has always been a delight on holiday - she is my absolute favourite person to travel with tbh. Very chill, very flexible, up for anything and interested in a lot of the same stuff that I like.

DH, on the other hand...

I have 2 DC but right now only 1 as the other has gone off for a few days side trip with cousins and my sister and brother. So it's just me and my DS (14).
It's a bit different ... DS even asked if this is what it's like being an only child!
Things that we are doing include plenty of down (phone) time, some sightseeing but shorter stints and I'm playing some video games with him, yes clearly I'm a bit rubbish but he's finding it amusing nevertheless! Exercise also helps so I've made him do some gym stuff, again amusing for him to see how weak I am compared to him!

No. I think it must be a personality thing. Just back from a holiday with DS14, we had a lovely time, just the 2 of us, always do. He is very easy going though. He sees his friends all the time, they don't need to come on holiday with us too!

My DS is very active and constantly on the go. My DH just wants to spend 2 weeks on a sun lounger. This has translated into me constantly being on the go. In the pool, kayaking, scuba diving, paddle boarding while DH works on his tan. I love spending the time with DS but I come home exhausted! So I now split the 2 week holiday into 2 one week holidays. One week with DS doing all the things he enjoys. Then while he is at scout camp or away with friends or GPS we have a holiday with just the me and DH where I can chill a bit and read a book.

This.

I organise an activity for ds for every afternoon.

The day involves wake up, lazy breakfast, chill for a while, I usually go for a run or cycle. Maybe a bit of bumbling round local shops, then lunch, then ds does activity alone or with me, then back for a bit more chill and then supper.

Agree with others, painful as it is totally back off and give him space.

Offer but don't coax or push as long as its safe and your happy to leave him alone whilst you go out etc

Say you don't mind leaving him but he must join for dinner etc.
Where are you!

Why so rude to @Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0? They just suggested taking a friend. Not going 'with friends' who are presumably your friends and their kids.

@relaxationescapesme I'm sorry about your holiday and your worries about having an only child . We have an only child , now adult unattached son, still living at home and I sympathise.
I'm liking @OldHouseLover 's advice. Malaga sounds good.

@TheCyclingGorilla This year we are going to a European city destination but taking train trips to the beach so she can just chill and read and swim and not feel overwhelmed by all the historical bits. Sounds good, where are you going ? Barcelona ??

I am holding off on long haul trips while my DD needs a friend to come with us.

We did load of far flung when she was small, and will again when she’s older, but this bit in the middle is difficult on her own, so I only go to places I can afford to pay for the friend too.

I suspect it is mostly just his age. Having just spent a week on a residential with a coach load of teenagers who's parents had paid hundreds for them to have an amazing trip, all many of them could do was moan about how we didn't stop at a services with Mc Donald's and moan about how boring everything was.....even at a theme park. They just can't help themselves. Just don't let him ruin your trip!

@OldHouseLover this is my approach too

My DS wants to chill on holiday. DH and I prefer to be active. So, we do a combination

I don’t think it’s a one child thing. Don’t expect a true relaxing holiday until he’s on his own out of the house.

Yes. Tbh three is a tricky number. I always found having to balance my dh and my ds quite hard and it was worse on holiday. I learned to look for good moments and to be slack relaxed about screen time.

I did stop having big expectations of holidays really early. And my family got very short of money so we didn't have family holidays past 12, so I didn't necessarily think we would go together for long.

Then dh died and ds and I went on holiday together. He was 14. We had an absolute whale of a time. Again I was super relaxed about screens, but also did stuff I really wanted to do. He picked up on my enthusiasm. Passion is infectious.

That was a ramble... I thin the last bit was the important bit - book the holiday you want and let them keep up. That way you're not thinking 'I booked this for you, why aren't you grateful?'

I would say it’s the age, not the fact that he is an only child. Our teens need time alone on holiday , not with each other or with DH and I. We go off snorkelling and leave them to it for a few hours and then meet for lunch. It breaks my heart for us to have spent all this money on a holiday and they’re sitting on the room, they always say they loved the holiday as they got to do what they wanted too (not much ) What is one thing he becomes animated about ? Find it and then use it to get your family time together each day. For our teens it’s good food .

I WAS the only child on holiday. Mix of staying in hotels and at a property my parents have on a small complex. I have always been an ambivert so when younger I would find other kids to play with at the pool but also spend time reading and playing by myself. As I got older I valued the time away from school and classmates so preferred the chill out!

I never minded going out with my parents though- it was interesting and I am aware my parents tried hard to cater for me. Stuff like shopping trips, the waterpark, looking at shops or items I was interested in on trips out. I occasionally took my book out with me between ages 7-11 or so if my parents were doing something property related but I liked feeling grown up in restaurants. Took a friend away at 14 which was nice and my boyfriend came out for a while at 17 and 18. Also great as we had more independence as a pair so our holiday changed again!

I went away with my parents until I was 20. It was always nice but it got harder from about 17 onwards probably because social media (just pre smart phones) meant I wanted my laptop - especially to stay in touch with my uni boyfriend at 19 and 20 and I got into more of my own routine including teenage getting ready time. It just stopped working quite so well. I ultimately stopped because I wanted more holiday variety. I wanted to do city break holidays at a faster pace than they would like and to just not go away with my parents for a change.

After a decade or so break happy to go back out to the holiday place and to even do a few days with them now!

I'm an only child and holidayed quite happily with just my parents right through my teens. Pretty sure my parents didn't find it "intense." Surely it depends on the nature of the child rather than whether or not they have siblings.