Do all parents of one child find holidays intense?

[relaxationescapesme]

NC for this.

Long anticipated holiday with DP and 13 yr old DS.

Expensive, far away, vigorously researched and organised. Always wjth DS's best interests at heart - mix of activities, chill, places where he might meet other kids. (We often go away with friends but this was a bigger trip and I wanted for it to just be us).

We've had some great moments but wow, it's intense. DS is hard effing work - pretty sulky, not compromising, takes so much coaxing to do what we ask - basically same shit, different place. Except now we are all together in paradise but also in a pressure cooker. We've all argued, as a result.

And these are the times I feel bad that he's an only child. It's like the light is shone on his lack of sibling when he is surrounded by other families, whose kids can just muck around in the pool.

He has made friends but they then left.

I honestly feel like I won't organise another holiday like this again. So much work, money and stress.

And then the sadness about him being an only child.

I know this isn’t always possible, but we always took another child with us.

I agree - but I'm told I'm too harsh by DP for having this view

I really am not massively into this yet...

Then stop moaning and accept it for what it is.

Kids are going to be happier with kids their own age to hang around with on holiday.

You wanted it just to be the three of you so you knew he would have no friends on holiday.

I’m an only child and basically the last time I went on holiday with my parents was when I was 14 😁. I was a miserable fucking grump who just wanted to be with my friends and was bored (although we were in goddam St Tropez for Christs sake!).
After that I went on PGL holidays every year with a friend and my parents went off on nice grown up holidays.
We’d also had a holiday the year before that to the Seychelles of all places where I was also moody and grumpy. What a nightmare I was. The very picture of a grumpy teen.

But why should you be “grateful” for a holiday you didn’t choose and would frankly rather not be on? I kind of see the teens view on this.

If a bossy adult took you on a holiday they paid for but was the opposite of what you actually wanted to do on holiday (so lots of trips if you were a chill by the pool person or vice versa) would you be massively grateful?!

You would be on here complaining!

They’re such a moany bunch of fuckers at this age! I took my kids to an awesome indoor ninja place the other day and they were like “it’s good but there could be more things to do”. It’s like they always look for the negative, however much I try to show them to look on the bright side of things.
Although out of the blue the other day my 13 year old thanked me for a day trip we did and said it was brilliant. I nearly keeled over with shock.

I have a 16 yo only who has always been a pleasure to take on holiday. The only time we misjudged it was a bespoke hotel in Morocco when he was about 4 and there were no kids so we had to entertain him constantly as there was nothing else. After that we did merlin passes, haven, camping, center parcs and all inclusive for a few years so there was either entertainment, kids to make friends with or both. I have taken him with my ex and alone over the years and we have a great time. Since my ex left, we have been abroad, done uk city breaks, camped and done caravan breaks. This year we are going to a cottage with the dog and planning a low tech week with lots of walking. He is perfectly happy with that (in fact low tech was his idea). I always involve him in planning and we are both easy going. I have friends who always complain that their kids do nothing but argue. Now that sounds like hard work!

@zoomiesdrivememad - nonsense. I wanted us to go away, and let him make friends whilst away, rather than go away with people. It's not an either or situation - clearly, you have more than one child otherwise you'd get it

I think family holidays can be intense full stop. Everyone together 24/7 whereas at home there's plenty of distractions, friends to see etc. We've got a 6 year age gap between ours. They veer between fighting with each other and being so silly together it's almost as bad. We've had some challenging holidays with them both (eldest is almost 13) and plenty of disagreements. Best holiday so far was last year when my sisters and niece/ nephews came. They entertained each other, went off together (it was a lovely site where we could see them and knew they were safe), had lots of fun and laughter and the adults all got to relax. It was bliss!

I have three and all they do is bicker snd argue constantly so not particularly relaxing. 13 is definitely an age where they start to retreat into themselves a bit and are not so enamoured with their parents company- it's a phase they all go through.

My DS doesn’t make friends on holiday anymore and hasn’t since he was 11 or 12. I think expecting a 13 yo to just make friends like they seemed to when they were little is a bit much. I don’t take a friend either and we don’t tend to holiday with other families although sometimes camping trips have been with other single parents or where we know people are likely to be sociable (small festival).

@TheaBrandt OP has said he helped choose/plan the trip. That's not forcing him to do anything

@Ozgirl75 so lovely when they do show a glimpse of the lovely humans they will become!

But it's different going with another family than it is bringing a friend. We used to do this when we sort of had an only child (11 year gap between 1st and 2nd). Much better for them and us.

OP - do you usually make friends on holiday, or do you holiday with your DH, essentially your best friend? before you had DS, did you holiday alone or did you holiday with DH or a friend?

occasionally I’ve struck up conversations round the pool or at the bar on holiday, but the bulk of my adult social interaction on holiday is with DH.

it’s easy for little kids to make holiday friends but often harder for teens and adults unless they are doing an activity together.

Some people are the outgoing types who make new friends wherever they go, others aren’t. And if your DS doesn’t really see you and his Dad as friends, the loveliest hotel could be a bit lonely. And when you are a bit lonely and not sure how to process that feeling (in the way most teens can’t process feelings well), grumpiness shouldn’t be a surprise.

I used to travel alone a lot and loved it - in fact, I came out earlier than the boys to be on my own for a week travelling around.

I always met people, had enough exchanges and interactions to satisfy.

I realise it's hard for DS. This is less about that than venting about the age he's at and what comes with being that age (for us)

@smilesup - then, this is something we may have to consider

Also maybe he's got a different idea of what paradise is.

When I read this post title I guessed straightaway it must be a teenager.

I have three, they bicker and fight, but wouldn't change for anything but my eldest DS14 is absolutely misery guts and intellectualizes constantly about pointlessness of travel and 'Swiss mountains are boring, I am not outdoorsy person!' when he can read everything about things on google and then he picks on siblings out of frustration.

We have 2 weeks road EU road trip ahead (comfortable, nice hotels, not slumming it) - I just want to leave the eldest behind with relative and he's actually very keen on the idea, but DH is all "we must stick together!". I think we may regret this, I do believe teenagers need their own mates and people to enjoy spending time with not exotic destinations and being told to be grateful for opportunity. I was good with travelling as teenager but I was very bookish and full of geography interests with my own camera.

I think it's probably an age/personality thing rather than an only child thing. I have a sister and while I was always quite laid back about holidays, happy to join my parents on outings etc. My sister absolutely wasn't! I can still remember when she was around 14, we were in the South of France, it was absolutely baking - 40°C and she sat in the caravan, wearing jeans and complaining it was too hot, instead of sitting in the shade outside, wearing appropriate clothes for the weather 😂

My son is 9 so obviously not a teen yet but he is an only child and always enjoys holidays with us. We do a mix of things he wants and things we want.

Despite the sulking, your son will probably say he has had a nice holiday.

I’ve not read all the replies, someone may have already suggested a Neilson holiday. Best family holidays we have ever had, everyone’s kept busy, so much to do. Happy child/ren = happy parents

It's partly an age thing. IME teens are more wedded to their friends, home and routine than toddlers.

I have a 16yo and a 12yo who don't get on. On holiday we don't really spend time together as a family - H is off with one and I'm doing something different with the other. It's a shame, but they'll be left home before I can blink, and then H and I will get our holidays back

i went from 1 to 3 as i had twins and i get what you are saying. They all entertain each other especially the twins. So although difficult having 3 under 3 they had little play mates. Now they are older they keep each other company but the bickering is intense!

We’ve decided on a cruise this year to offer some variation etc. There’s also a teenage room etc, shows etc