Do all parents of one child find holidays intense?

[relaxationescapesme]

NC for this.

Long anticipated holiday with DP and 13 yr old DS.

Expensive, far away, vigorously researched and organised. Always wjth DS's best interests at heart - mix of activities, chill, places where he might meet other kids. (We often go away with friends but this was a bigger trip and I wanted for it to just be us).

We've had some great moments but wow, it's intense. DS is hard effing work - pretty sulky, not compromising, takes so much coaxing to do what we ask - basically same shit, different place. Except now we are all together in paradise but also in a pressure cooker. We've all argued, as a result.

And these are the times I feel bad that he's an only child. It's like the light is shone on his lack of sibling when he is surrounded by other families, whose kids can just muck around in the pool.

He has made friends but they then left.

I honestly feel like I won't organise another holiday like this again. So much work, money and stress.

And then the sadness about him being an only child.

Pretty much describes our household - chilled out easy going teen DS and a hard work DH 😂

That's a silly thing to say. You don't know how much worse x 3 would be. I have a much older DS who is an only & I'm an only. We were both pretty shitty at 13. I shudder to think x 3.

I so agree with this post op. Never found an answer apart from borrowing a friend for holidays! 😬

I have one child and we have never centred our holiday around his needs. We do lots of different things. We found the Channel Islands a good option once he was about 7 because it has everything: history, beaches, town, shops, good places to eat, a hotel with a swimming pool, (on Jersey a pool with flumes) etc. But we've done a lot of European city breaks as well and he did school trips too.

I've never ever gone to a Center Parcs/AI type hotel with him.

We visit friends with kids but I'd not go away with them - we are too different in our approaches to holidays. 3 days together is good, after that we'd start to get on each other's nerves

DS is usually happy with cake and ice cream as a pp has said. And a hotel with a good breakfast buffet.

My husband hates sitting on a beach doing nothing (he prefers ruins) but he's going to have to cope. I hate seeing ruin after ruin but i will have to cope. (I prefer art).I think we have the right balance this time this sounds like my DH When ds was really small we used to go to Scotland a lot and there was lots of travelling from ruined castle to ruined castle ;)

I think part of it might be them becoming a teen too..in a few year they won’t want to come at all anyway. Just have to make the best of it until then, and ignore the strops

Depends on the destination I think. I don't think ds would turn down a trip to eg Canada or the US :)

If it makes you feel better, I took my two all round Egypt last summer. Special holiday which they'd wanted for a few years, as they love the ancient world. I saved up to go as DS was going to be 18 whilst away and DD had just finished her GCSEs. I built in rest periods, made sure I got hotels with pools where I could afford to.

DS moaned all round the pyramids, as he had expected me to bring his water bottle for him. Both refused to come to tutankhamun. They travelled in the car to Abu Simbel, but would only look from the outside and refused to go in the structures. DD refused to get up to go to the Valley of the Kings. Both had been itching to go up in a hot air balloon, but when they discovered they had to leave at 4.30am, they refused. The exclusive AI I spent a fortune on at the end of the holiday, DS spent 90% of in the room on his phone and DD moaned about the lack of things to do...despite the massive water park next door and all the AI jetskis, boats etc on offer.

We had so many arguments on that holiday. Worst holiday we'd ever had. We've agreed we're never going on holiday together again.

Best part is DD is hoping to study classics next year, and the course she wants to do specialises in Ancient Egypt.

So it's really not an only child issue, it's a "going on holiday with a non adult" issue.

Maybe time to re evaluate the bigger group option again...
I recognise your comment that this one is just you three... but if the trip isn't matching up to expectations and is disappointing you, then weigh up the pros and cons of both sides. Which senario ticks more boxes?
I've always thrown other families into the mix because it has diluted the effort I've been required to make= more relaxing for me and more fun for kids.
Also as someone who is usually in charge, I've accepted there's only room one chief and it won't be me.

The holiday of 2018 is still discussed in hushed tones in this house. DS was 13 and, frankly, it was fucking awful.

We swapped our holiday expectations after that. We went for places that we could safely leave him for a few hours or where he could wander off alone and be fine. The era of “family holiday” was over and “people on holiday in the same place” began. So either all-inclusive with large grounds or city-breaks worked well.

Last year (DS was 17) we did a holiday based around his passion of military history. We were certain it would be our last summer with him joining us, so we wanted to spoil him. He loved it. It was a simple Canvas Holidays type campsite, but we did lots of WW2 sites and other historical places. He really appreciated the trip and we all reconnected as adults.

This year… he’s living his best life in Thailand (saved up from his part-time job, post-A Levels blow out) and we’ve booked a trip to the New Forest with the dog.

Hang in there OP, it improves!

I’m on holiday at the moment (10 and 13). It’s lovely but they are going through a pointless, silly argument phase (“She HIT me!” “No I did not, I TOUCHED YOUR ARM!”) which is really wearing and equally intense, but different. Both of them want one-on-one time with us which is hard to achieve when we’re out sightseeing and they never want the same thing for dinner.

I think as with everything, parenting of one child is different to two, which is difficult to 3+. There are pluses to being an only, as well as challenges.

Try and make some time for both you and your partner to be able to wander around / have a coffee / lie by the pool by yourself so you’re off duty

@Caroparo52 I was an only child in that my ds and dd are 16 plus years older so I never went on holiday with them.

As my parents were older I benefited from more disposable income and spent holidays (around your sons age 12/13/14) travelling around the Canadian rockies... SE Asia and not slumming it.

I complained "are we there yet" stuck in a car surrounded by beautiful scenery ... on my walkman and game boy... complained at "smelly" open air markets ... enjoying only the 5* pools hot tubs and beaches (and a Singapore shopping mall!)

Fast forward to 18 and 19 and I went backpacking in same places very much slumming it and enjoyed every second

My dh wonders why I don't want to take our 3 on a road trip in the USA!

My point is its his age is a huge factor here.

Just enjoy it I think my parents did and just ignored my nonsense! 🙂

We had two . It was great when they were young but teen years they argued so much it was exhausting. I found pool holidays worked better as they could make friends. Sit on their phones, swim. Join in pool games. And we could sit and relax with a book. Then we do a boat trip or water park.

I have two with a biggish gap. Sometimes it feels like I have two “onlies” as they’ve never been playmates for each other in the way your describe.

Sometimes they both try to hold a separate conversation with my simultaneously. I tell them to talk to one another on these occasions!

I can relate. I have an only DD, we wanted more children it just didn't happen.
On holiday i always feel it's more noticeable we have one and the impact on her is more acute.
This holiday was pretty awful. She was bored despite lots of activities and plans. Every time we sat to relax she would complain and unlike at home, she couldn't go and play with her stuff. Tbh I can't face taking one of her friends with us so I'm not sure what we'll do in the future.

sorry you’re feeling this way. We have 3 and do find it easier as they just like to mess about in the pool or go off to get their own drinks and snacks etc. Even though they do fight, they also love being a gang. I will try and bear this in mind when we’re holidaying and invite only children more to hang out

Yes, we wanted more and didn't happen.

Most of the time I'm completely fine - I feel lucky - but on this holiday I feel sad about it.

He's good about making friends, always has been, but I know he'd love a sibling, especially on holiday

I'm an only child. Mostly I managed to make some friends (including one I met aged 12 with whom I'm still in contact aged 44!) but sometimes I didn't.

My problem was my parents didn't want to do anything. No excursions, no getting out of the hotel, no nothing. They simply refused to consider getting out and about. The last family holiday was when I was 16 to Greece. I've always been happy to do stuff on my own and even asked if I could go on an excursion using my money saved from a weekend job. The answer was no, holidays weren't for activities. There was a bus that stopped outside the hotel and I was desperate to just go to the next town for a cold drink. Wasn't allowed.

All I was permitted to do was sit by the pool. While I was fairly happy to read and listen to music I wanted to see more of Greece! My parents' response was "find a friend".

So in my case, age was a issue but I must admit that was one time I really would have liked a sibling. I would say, op, that those two weeks were the only times I wanted a sibling. And I certainly don't judge my entire childhood on that!

I think it's an age thing and a social media/FOMO thing. When I was that age, I had no idea what my friends were up to when I was away. DD, on the other hand, is seeing a constant stream on social media of friends doing things back in our home village and getting messages suggesting meeting up at X time. Objectively, she knows she's fortunate to be away and doing all of the various activities we're doing which are primarily focussed around her interests and she's also glad to be away from her friends for a bit as there were some weird dynamics towards the end of term. But she'd still like them to appear for a couple of hours and laugh and chat with them - and I'm also aware she's probably worrying that the dynamics might change further whilst she's away.

This is a wider topic about entitlement IMO. I didn't even leave the country until I was 13 and I remember that cheap and cheerful holiday so well, I was so excited to go, so grateful to my parents who had worked second jobs/overtime just so we could go and it was two whole weeks, I didn't mind what we did it was just such an adventure. My parents are very much get up and do people, so there were museums and galleries, excursions and also days on the beach/pool.
If you've got a child who has been involved in planning a trip abroad and is then surly and rude when there that's not ok, the odd moment especially when tired from travelling could be overlooked but not behaving like that the whole time. People, children included, need to appreciate the things they have in life.

Hmmm that’s all very laudable but not realistic. Also you as an adult may think being in a luxury hotel abroad with your parents is a big treat and they should be jolly grateful but likely the teen would genuinely be happier at home at the riverbank with his mates. Therein lies the problem!

I don't think it's an only thing. I think it's a teen thing. Where about a are you?

I honestly feel like I won't organise another holiday like this again. So much work, money and stress.
@relaxationescapesme I would aim to have 1 primary activity/sight you all want to do/see and then take the rest of the day to relax. If you cram too much into a day, it is a nightmare.

We learnt this recently when we went to the South of France. Ended up staying in the local area, picked 1 thing per day and the holiday got a lot better rather than racing all across the Rivera. I suppose it was more difficult because DD is not even 2 yet but still, I intend to follow this until I die. I despise over planning.

I have 2 kids and holidays are always fun but bloody hard work! Having 2 (or more) doesn't make it easier, contrary to what people think, they do not happily play together in the pool, they do not keep each other entertained - they fight, relentlessly. They bicker at everything and both want to do different things all day every day! We recently got back from holiday and not a single day went by without some kind of argument!

Holidays with kids, whether you have 1 or 6 are hard work. Amazingly fun, but hard work!!

Take it all with a pinch of salt, don't have high expectations and most importantly, make sure you and DP are having some well earned child free mini breaks away just for you 2!

We found this with our son - so we did one last holiday of that type when he was 14 and went to LA and Santa Barbara. Yes I think intense is a good word.

Since then though as an adult (he's now 25) he's been with us a few times to places but he has his own room and we don't rush around trying to get him up etc.

I have a 13 year old and 10 year old and we had a lot of arguments on holiday this year. They constantly bicker and argue, they don’t like being near each other much. The 13 year old is just generally difficult, I think it’s age not lack of siblings