Who is being unreasonable here? - Charging adult child for rent

[IAmTheBFG]

Hi Mumsnet,

I am a 21 year old recent graduate who has just moved home after finishing university. I have a training contract with a City law firm, which means I am spending the next two years studying, receiving a maintenance grant of £12,000 in the first year and £20,000 in the second year. I am living at home for the first year and aim to move out to a house-share in London in the second year. This is because my parents live an hour and a half commute door-to-door from the university I am studying at and the second year is meant to be more intense academically, so I think it would be beneficial to be able to spend more time studying rather than commuting.

As a result, I'd like to save £7,000 of the first year maintenance grant to ensure I can afford to move out in the second year. That leaves me with £5,000 to cover all my expenses, including travel, which I estimate to cost about £1,400. Therefore, after travel, I have £3,600 to pay for books, replacing shoes and clothes as they wear out, socialising at London prices, and train tickets to visit my boyfriend.

Here is where the dilemma ensues: what would be a reasonable amount for my parents to charge me for rent? They have suggested £30/week, but given after saving and travel I will only have £70/week spare, £30 seems a bit steep. Their rationale is that paying them a token amount demonstrates I appreciate being able to live at home, will help keep me grounded, and demonstrates willingness to contribute to the family.

I am happy to increase the amount I pay them if I get a part-time job, but I am unsure whether it will be possible to manage a job alongside a three-hour round trip commute and the demands of my course. While I don't have a steady part-time job over this summer holidays, I am working for a week at a summer school (so 7 days of 11 hour shifts) and have signed up to freelance for an events agency. This is also not for want of trying, after my exams finished I applied for five summer jobs and reached the final interview stages for two of them.

For context, I have never done anything which would suggest to my parents that I take their generosity for granted. From the age of fourteen, I worked for six hours a week as a tutor and the day after Sixth Form ended abruptly because of the pandemic, I got a job in a supermarket working for 25 hours per week. While at university, I worked for five hours a week in second year, going up to twelve hours a week in final year, and have always worked during the university holidays doing a combination of hospitality jobs and legal internships. This is all alongside getting top grades at A-Level and during my degree.

Apologies for what is a bit of a long post, but if you were my parents, would you be happy with me saving £7,000 out of a £12,000 grant, and how much would you charge me to live at home this year?

Given what you said about them having plenty of cash to work with, I will almost absolutely guarantee that they're not planning to pocket the £30/week.

We have a child at a similar career stage. The thing that would aggravate me a bit about your post is the socialising and clothing. I appreciate that they are necessary but the actual amount can vary enormously. Knowing when to say no is an important learning process and what you set up now will set your expectations for your whole career.
I would be asking for £100 per week, even if I were in a position to save it and return it to you as wedding gift/house deposit contribution or other significant life stage.
You were, presumably, living on less as a student and will need to again if you did not have the luxury of moving home. Learning to manage your spending now is even more significant than student budgeting for your long term security.

OP
Maintenance is to maintain yourself while you are studying and to pay for related costs. Saving is a noble plan, but that is something you want to achieve this year, and is not really the purpose of the loan.
You’ve been at uni for 3 years, so you know how expensive food/ rent is. You are getting a really good deal.
You need a part time job.

And congratulations on the training contract☺️

Yes agree, this post lost me there.

It would be lovely if your parents paid your way, but they arent, and dont have to. Grow up and pay some rent. Bills are a priority above London socialising (that you even wrote that as some sort of justification without cringing is beyond me).

YABVU.

Just accept that year 2 will be a bit tighter than you’d hopef, and that you will save £6000 not £7000.

It doesn't matter what we'd do, they're your parents and that's what they're charging. And I think it's an absolute pittance anyway. Cut back your 'socialising at London prices' and pay your way. You're an adult now.

£30 a week is nothing.

Saving £7,000 when you're only getting £12,000 is completely unrealistic and you're planning to do that at the expense of your parents. That's fine if they're on board but they're obviously not.

It is not possible to survive for a year on £3,600 so you'd better take socialising in London off of your list for a start.

You mentioned that includes spending time with your boyfriend, are you expecting him to fund you for a year as well then?

I agree with these comments.

We wouldn’t charge for DC who were continuing training immediately following their graduation, for the first year when the income is below the tax threshold.
However, they may be planning to set it aside for you to help with your moving costs, and to assist you in money management.
I suggest you tell them what you have said here, as long, that is, as you have some savings behind you already from your years of working before leaving school and university!

You would really take 40% of your child's income while they were on a training contract and you didn't need the money? Sounds unnecessarily harsh.

I think that they are being a bit mean because they don't need the money. People have the idea to charge keep them give it back in a lump sum later in, which worked in the past, but that doesn't always work well now. However you don't get to decide how much you want to save, you decide that after you've paid essential bills.

Yeah I wouldn’t charge you if you were planning to leave the following year. I would assume that you are learning to budget and managing your money well. I also wouldn’t charge a child in education/training etc generally, probably wouldn’t charge DD fullstop really.

£30 seems incredibly fair to me!

When I was working in uni holidays I earned about £150 a week and gave my mum about £20 back then. And that was in the early 90s.

If you are working FT in a professional role you can afford to pay your parents something towards your keep.

I would not charge my son rent because I am mortgage-free. But I would charge him substantially more than £30 as a contribution towards the bills, in line with his earnings.

Will this cover food or will you be cooking for yourself and buying your own groceries separately? If meals are included you do seem to be getting a very generous deal from your parents. £30 wouldn't even cover my ds's expensive coffee habit alone!
My rule of thumb with my adult ds (who was working from family home while saving to do second medicine degree) was he started contributing to shared household costs as soon as he started getting income. You have 3 working adult incomes coming into the household. Why on earth should you NOT contribute? It seems a bit entitled to assume their money is for spending on you, while your money is for saving (for you).

Depends if your parents need the money. I couldn't have survived without hen dd was home without her helping.

Ultimately OP, it is their home so their rules and if you don't like their terms then you could take your chances in the rental market and realise how scary prices really are. You are an adult now and £30 is a very generous price however perhaps you can negotiate with them and explain how you would like to use some of the money from this year to save for next year and would they consider £20 a week instead.

We charged DD 20% of everything brought in, including UC when she wasn’t working. We kept it aside and she had an extra £4.5k towards her flat deposit when she moved out.

You're getting £12k per year, so around £250 per week. £30 is absolutely reasonable (very low actually) on that income.

Paying your rent/contribution takes precedence over clothes, socialising or saving £7k per year for next year.

It sounds as though your parents have been very generous supporting you to date, and continue to be generous by charging you such a low rent.

Be grateful.

Thank you all for your input, I really appreciate each comment. I do think I have been living in a bubble at university (I went to a university where one in three students is privately educated and I was the only person from a state comprehensive in my first-year flat and second and third year house) so my expectations are based on my peer group, the majority of whom are living at home rent-free or being subsidised by parents to move out. It's been very helpful to have those expectations readjusted as I appreciate what's the norm for my university peer group isn't the norm for people as a whole.

Sorry thought you were starting a training contract now. However, I think you can afford £30 out of your maintenance grant. As a comparison when I did my LPC I got a maintenance grant of £7000 and paid £200 a month rent (to a landlady, not my parents).

Bloody hell, entitled much? I paid my parents £25 a week while I was studying 30 years ago. I can't believe you're quibbling over having to pay £30 a week.

If your parents needed the money, then £35 (half of your weekly expendable money) would be appropriate - more if necessary in the household, and you'd just need to work p/t to earn it.

But lucky you, they don't need it. In those circumstances, I would support you. Be a good member of the household - cook, buy food, do the dishes and clean the toilets. But no, in your specific circumstances, I would not expect rent.

I don't think seeing your boyfriend is a luxury spend, either.

I missed off this bit on my PP - sorry!
Can you suggest (and make sure you then follow through) that you take over a chore that your parents would otherwise have to pay for? If they already pay for a cleaner, gardener or window-cleaner regularly, instead of paying them, could you negotiate saving them a similar or even greater amount that £30 per week?

I wouldn't charge you rent but I'd expect you to cover all your personal expenses, and do things at home like cook the odd meal and help out.
I don't get why people say you're an adult now and the extra study is your choice - surely a training contract is essential to get where you want to be career wise? Other than food your parents have minimal extra expense you being home. Once you move out and less commuting time then you should get a job too.