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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lost my son this evening, and was in bits. AIBU ... he's nearly 40!!

171 replies

RainyWeekend · 26/07/2023 23:17

Went out for very rare night out with just my 2 kids. Both their partners were otherwise engaged so it was just the 3 of us.

Had a lovely evening, but my ds went to the toilet and never came back! I waited 15 minutes then went to find him, and couldn't. There was no signal in the venue and couldn't get in touch, went to to the men's toilet to find him and couldn't find him anywhere.

I was distraught and felt like I did when I lost him for about 10 minutes in a shopping centre when he was 4! Panicked and worried.

Eventually got a message from him saying he'd gone home as he was ill, and didn't come back and tell me as he didn't want to get in the way of the other people at the venue. He obviously didn't realise I didn't have a signal.

Omg I burst into tears with relief! I just can't believe I was so worried about a man who is nearly 40!

Just though, no matter what age they are, they're still your wee boy.

I can't believe I reacted like I did. Was I unreasonable? Do I need a severe mumnset taking to and head wobble?

OP posts:
TheDuchessOfMN · 27/07/2023 10:13

I was just about to say that. The obvious thing to do would have been to go outside and get signal Confused

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/07/2023 10:13

@RainyWeekend

you were being ridiculous Op, bursting into tears like that.

WonderingWanda · 27/07/2023 10:14

It was very inconsiderate of him to just leave you there.

Clymene · 27/07/2023 10:17

If my friend/adult family member didn't come back after going to the loo at a concert. I would call them. At that point, I'd realise I had no signal and then I'd go outside.

jonahjones · 27/07/2023 10:18

I think you should change your thread title as it may be upsetting for someone who actually has lost an adult dc. I myself read it as though your son had passed away . yes you are being over dramatic.

Oliesjola · 27/07/2023 10:19

Screamingabdabz · 26/07/2023 23:50

Aw I’d be the same op. Things happen to grown men just as much as little kids! It’s perfectly reasonable to worry. How lovely that you have that close a relationship with your grown up kids. :-)

Same here . It doesn’t matter what age your child is ! Also cannot understand why people thought the title was dramatic…I understood the context immediately.

Wheresthebeach · 27/07/2023 11:07

Hufflepods · 27/07/2023 10:05

@CurlewKate Imagine the scenario. You're out with friends. One of them goes to the loo. 15 minutes later she hasn't come back. One of you goes to check if she's all right and there's no sign of her. Do you all shrug, assume she's gone home and just carry on with your evening? Glad you're not my friends if you do!!

One of us would probably just go outside to get some signal and call her.
I certainly wouldn't be "distraught" and crying my eyes out.

Yep - check your phone, see there is no signal, move to get signal and call them. Simple, calm and sensible.

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 27/07/2023 12:43

My mum would panic if I disappeared and didn’t come back too, same as I’d panic if my children (teens and younger) did the same. I still feel anxious if DDs bus home from school is later than usual, it’s normal as a parent to worry about your children no matter the age surely?

Mothership4two · 27/07/2023 14:40

Not sure what pp are hoping to achieve telling OP off for bursting into tears after the event - it's not like she could help it, she had an emotional outburst. What is she supposed to do about it now? Are you just being mean for the sake of it?

Tidsleytiddy · 27/07/2023 14:56

OP I hear you. It doesn’t matter the age; all we want is for them to be safe x

MysteryBelle · 27/07/2023 16:14

Mothership4two · 27/07/2023 06:38

OP said rows so I assume they were in seats not at tables and she did explain why he didn't come back.

He'd already disturbed the other rows in the venue by going to the toilet before, he was feeling ill but thought he'd be ok. The second time he went to the toilet he was violently sick and decided rather than disturb the audience again, he would text me to explain he was driving home, not realising I had no signal. We came in separate cars.

Show quote history

Ah! I didn’t see that update, thank you!

tattygrl · 27/07/2023 16:38

jonahjones · 27/07/2023 10:18

I think you should change your thread title as it may be upsetting for someone who actually has lost an adult dc. I myself read it as though your son had passed away . yes you are being over dramatic.

Same here, I really did think this was written by someone who had just lost their adult child (as in, that they'd died), and that the title was just written a bit oddly because of their grief! It was quite upsetting to read, really, until I realised what the post was actually about.

user123212 · 27/07/2023 20:47

That's so sweet OP . Glad it all turned out fine. Sometimes life does get emotional, only you know what life experiences you've been through. Ignore the meanies!

iamyourequal · 27/07/2023 21:27

RainyWeekend · Yesterday 23:29
Ok so was a wee bit tongue in cheek.

cannot be bothered trailing through your whole thread but your title is insensitive and your defense (quoted above) crass beyond belief.
I know two different families who have ‘lost’ their young adults sons this year, as in DIED. Their worlds are in tatters. Please think before posting crap like this.

JRM17 · 28/07/2023 02:10

Unless he is suicidal and has a history of trying to take his life then this is a complete over reaction. He's an adult not a "kid" and although it's polite to inform people if you are leaving it's not actually mandatory.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 28/07/2023 07:39

I’d have been the same tbh. My friends son went outside for a cigarette and never came back again. Things happen to adults as well.

Elvisismycat · 28/07/2023 18:08

Get a fucking grip!
Your title suggests he died... You absolute, tone deaf drama queen!

user123212 · 28/07/2023 18:42

Elvisismycat · 28/07/2023 18:08

Get a fucking grip!
Your title suggests he died... You absolute, tone deaf drama queen!

Wow. sounds like you're the one being over-dramatic

AgnesX · 28/07/2023 19:45

In short, yes. You need to get a grip. He's an adult and a badly brought up one at that if he didn't have the courtesy to tell you that he was going home instead of just leaving you.

GoodChat · 28/07/2023 19:46

AgnesX · 28/07/2023 19:45

In short, yes. You need to get a grip. He's an adult and a badly brought up one at that if he didn't have the courtesy to tell you that he was going home instead of just leaving you.

Read the thread.

7eleven · 28/07/2023 20:04

This event triggered the memory of when he was 4 and you felt the same emotion. Not that difficult to understand, I think.

Longdarkcloud · 28/07/2023 20:38

I think anyone who follows true crime podcasts will agree that the scenario as outlined by the OP is far from uncommon leading up to the disappearance and murder of folk. The charitable will also allow for the fact that some mnetters are more sensitive/imaginative than they perhaps are.

CC4712 · 28/07/2023 20:44

AgnesX · 28/07/2023 19:45

In short, yes. You need to get a grip. He's an adult and a badly brought up one at that if he didn't have the courtesy to tell you that he was going home instead of just leaving you.

RTFT!!!!

I assume it was in a theatre/performance and he has already disturbed other people by going in and out to the loo to be sick! He was ill again and instead of disturbing people again by going back to tell mummy, he texted her to say he needed to go home.

Mummy and no one else bothered to go outside/elsewhere to get signal to call him or check their messages!

AgnesX · 28/07/2023 20:46

GoodChat · 28/07/2023 19:46

Read the thread.

Show quote history

Oops, mea culpa

Ilovecleaning · 28/07/2023 21:14

19lottie82 · 26/07/2023 23:20

God I thought you meant he died!

That’s what you were meant to think. Irresponsible click bait. Silly OP