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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lost my son this evening, and was in bits. AIBU ... he's nearly 40!!

171 replies

RainyWeekend · 26/07/2023 23:17

Went out for very rare night out with just my 2 kids. Both their partners were otherwise engaged so it was just the 3 of us.

Had a lovely evening, but my ds went to the toilet and never came back! I waited 15 minutes then went to find him, and couldn't. There was no signal in the venue and couldn't get in touch, went to to the men's toilet to find him and couldn't find him anywhere.

I was distraught and felt like I did when I lost him for about 10 minutes in a shopping centre when he was 4! Panicked and worried.

Eventually got a message from him saying he'd gone home as he was ill, and didn't come back and tell me as he didn't want to get in the way of the other people at the venue. He obviously didn't realise I didn't have a signal.

Omg I burst into tears with relief! I just can't believe I was so worried about a man who is nearly 40!

Just though, no matter what age they are, they're still your wee boy.

I can't believe I reacted like I did. Was I unreasonable? Do I need a severe mumnset taking to and head wobble?

OP posts:
FishTrashGlove · 27/07/2023 00:21

Fucks sake.

Furries · 27/07/2023 00:23

You’re being dramatic.

Your son is a grown man - he’s 40 ffs, he should have told you in person.

Drama from one side, unthinking behaviour on the other.

All this thread makes me think is - thank god I’m single! No idiot child-man or drama llama MIL to deal with.

And it’s not often I’d post something like this, but honestly - sometimes the little things make you see how women ending up dealing with generally inoffensive but useless idiots as partners.

sandyhappypeople · 27/07/2023 00:26

My mum did this once, not long after I moved into my own place, I went out to the cinema one saturday night and completely forgot to turn my phone back on, I used to go to my mums on a sunday morning but I overslept.. I woke up to hammering on the door and she was standing there and then burst into tears when I opened it!

She was pretty level headed, so not sure why that particular day she'd worked herself up into such a tizz, but the look of relief on her face when I answered the door was completely genuine, she really thought something had happened to me bless her!

Twyford · 27/07/2023 00:27

Why on earth didn't he come back in to let you know? How would he have got in anyone's way?

Viviennemary · 27/07/2023 00:28

I thought yoir son had died. You really should ask MN to amend the title

StellaJohanna · 27/07/2023 00:35

Horrible clickbait title.

squidgybits · 27/07/2023 00:35

I did not assume your son had died, I assumed he was lost
just saying because some seem to think otherwise
No matter their age, your heart skips a beat (and more) - My son was on Rhodes with his wife and my grandson, I was beside myself until I had contact and knew they were ok. I totally understand, as a mother we know when something is not right
Hope you are alright and get a chat with them tomorrow X

OkImListening · 27/07/2023 00:38

I think your son was extremely rude. I also think he lied.

Mayhem3 · 27/07/2023 00:38

I’m not sure how OP can change her title to reflect what happened without using the word lost.

Perhaps ‘my son went missing’ but that would also be misleading because he wasn’t missing.

Joystir59 · 27/07/2023 00:38

The title changed FFS!

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 27/07/2023 00:43

My god, how do you manage life with this much drama?! And no he’s not your wee boy, he’s a full grown adult.

Nodramaatleasttoday · 27/07/2023 00:46

Your title is unfortunately cropped at the point where it appears he’s died in the main title in the app. After reading it though, I get the actual meaning. My oldest is 22 and has a baby of her own. I worry constantly about her welfare and that of the wee one. In reality she is way more sensible and her executive functioning outstrips mine immensely so she’s very safe, but I always think the worst when I either see a missed call or dont hear from her. As it goes, I’ve passed on my anxious disposition and the poor girl is horrendously over cautious ( if you could hear the conversations we have about food safety and childcare) but she’s absolutely brilliant and equipped to face the world and be a parent . I don’t doubt that if I lost her on a night out or in a water park I’d definitely believe she’d been abducted or had drowned though because they are always, always your baby.

Original poster
RainyWeekend · 27/07/2023 00:49

Blimey! Ok ok! I get that most think I'm being unreasonable to burst into tears with relief.

And that it has an almost "Sistine chapel screamer" kinda vibe!

I'd probably think the same if I read it.

But I genuinely had that blind panic reaction because I didn't know where he was. And yes I know he's nearly 40 not 4!

But there you go! He's still my wee boy and I can't help how I felt.

OP posts:
Seddon · 27/07/2023 00:53

What an absolute twat for bailing on you like that, he must've known you'd be confused and worried. I hope you said something!

AliceMcK · 27/07/2023 00:54

I think any decent parent would panic if something out of the ordinary happened, regardless of their child’s age. But, and I know it’s not “exactly” the same for some people, but it’s no different to any decent friend looking out for another friend on a night out and worrying if somethings happened when something out of the ordinary happened. For me my mother would only care about the effect to her and wouldn’t notice I was gone until alarms were raised by others, my friends would worry about me, nothing else. So I suppose it depends on the type of patent you are.

I could see my narcissistic mother starting this thread for sympathy but not actually caring about what happed to her child, unless it gained her sympathy.

Original poster
RainyWeekend · 27/07/2023 01:04

Hmmm @AliceMcK good point how would I have felt if it was friend? I would be worried of course but not the blind panic I felt with it being my son.

He'd already disturbed the other rows in the venue by going to the toilet before, he was feeling ill but thought he'd be ok. The second time he went to the toilet he was violently sick and decided rather than disturb the audience again, he would text me to explain he was driving home, not realising I had no signal. We came in separate cars.

He didn't want to spoil our night so went home, he's ill in bed now being spoilt by his partner.

Still surprised though at how I reacted.

OP posts:
BadNomad · 27/07/2023 01:08

Did you word your clickbait title to intentionally make it sound like your son had died tonight?

Original poster
RainyWeekend · 27/07/2023 01:14

And for those accusing me of click bait, to what end?

As it happens I'm using the IOS app and you see the full title. So had no idea it would cut half the title off.

OP posts:
Namechangedforthis25 · 27/07/2023 01:15

What’s with the title

change it to: I couldn’t contact my son for 15 minutes and cried in a devastated panic

as per above YABU

Mothership4two · 27/07/2023 01:15

I'd be worried whoever it was if someone just disappeared!

I can understand him doing that though as you sound as though you were at the theatre and he just wanted to get home quick. Shame he didn't text both of you

SplendidUtterly · 27/07/2023 01:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

londonba · 27/07/2023 01:24

Yabu, he’s not a wee boy.

londonba · 27/07/2023 01:26

RainyWeekend · 27/07/2023 01:14

And for those accusing me of click bait, to what end?

As it happens I'm using the IOS app and you see the full title. So had no idea it would cut half the title off.

The full title still suggests he died though it’s completely click bait

Furries · 27/07/2023 01:30

“My adult son bailed on me and I panicked” would be a more succinct title!

Furries · 27/07/2023 01:34

Seriously, you are at least 56 OP. He is not your wee boy anymore.

As per your first post, the short answer is “you need a severe MN talking to and a head wobble”.

Did your daughter make it home ok - she seems to have been lost in the story!