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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lost my son this evening, and was in bits. AIBU ... he's nearly 40!!

171 replies

RainyWeekend · 26/07/2023 23:17

Went out for very rare night out with just my 2 kids. Both their partners were otherwise engaged so it was just the 3 of us.

Had a lovely evening, but my ds went to the toilet and never came back! I waited 15 minutes then went to find him, and couldn't. There was no signal in the venue and couldn't get in touch, went to to the men's toilet to find him and couldn't find him anywhere.

I was distraught and felt like I did when I lost him for about 10 minutes in a shopping centre when he was 4! Panicked and worried.

Eventually got a message from him saying he'd gone home as he was ill, and didn't come back and tell me as he didn't want to get in the way of the other people at the venue. He obviously didn't realise I didn't have a signal.

Omg I burst into tears with relief! I just can't believe I was so worried about a man who is nearly 40!

Just though, no matter what age they are, they're still your wee boy.

I can't believe I reacted like I did. Was I unreasonable? Do I need a severe mumnset taking to and head wobble?

OP posts:
SprinkleRainbow · 27/07/2023 08:08

OP you mention you briefly lost him when he was 4 if I've understood correctly?
It's possible this triggered a similar reaction because your brain will have remembered the fear and feeling of losing your child when they're young.
He may be much older now, but we've all had moments of blind panic with our children and other scenarios can bring those feelings back.

KrisAkabusi · 27/07/2023 08:14

nobodysdaughternow · Today 08:00

It is really odd behaviour - he must have exited the toilets and walked straight out without even saying anything.

I would be really concerned he snorted something in the toilet then felt too off his face to rejoin you at the table.

Oh FFS! You'll hurt your back, reaching like that!

It's already been explained that he got sick, sent a text message, and is now home sick being looked after by his partner.

Flipin · 27/07/2023 08:19

Are you experiencing stress in other parts of your life? Because your reaction was a bit over the top.

I "lose" my mom while shopping quiet frequently because she is the same height as the clothing racks and it can be hard to find her and can take awhile in a large shop to find her. I'm prone to anxiety and even I don't panic in this situation.

It helps to not assume the worst. He's 40 there's a ton of reasons he disappeared that don't lead to an abduction.

GrinAndVomit · 27/07/2023 08:21

Bless you. You’ve both had a rough night. Pant shitting (metaphorically and literally) all round.

Do you watch too much True Crime?

justasking111 · 27/07/2023 08:34

My DS same age was taken ill at a family event recently. He looked so poorly. I messaged him the next morning to check that he was feeling better. Mums don't stop worrying EVER!!

JusthereforXmas · 27/07/2023 08:36

Baity... both the title and the content.

Are you always this desperate to create drama to be the center of attention?

Wheresthebeach · 27/07/2023 08:36

Get MNHQ to edit the title.
yes you were unreasonable to over react like that.

dawngreen · 27/07/2023 08:47

I thought the worst too. But he could have even asked a staff member to give you a message.

PuppyMonkey · 27/07/2023 08:48

I CAN see the whole thread title and clicked because I thought the son had died and someone was telling OP she shouldn’t be upset as he was nearly 40 - which would be an outrage etc.

oakleaffy · 27/07/2023 08:49

Mumuser124 · 27/07/2023 03:14

@oakleaffy

how is she pretending her son died? she lost him, how else can she say it? She could of said son went missing this evening but she chose to say I lost him. That is what happened.

if she had said ‘son died this evening’ then that would be a different story.

ypure being deliberately obtusive.

It's ''Obtuse'' not ''Obtusive''...no such word as ''Obtusive''.

Look at the others who also thought the same thing from the title, that OP's son had died.

Eastie77Returns · 27/07/2023 08:52

muckerfish · 27/07/2023 03:38

if you clicked on it from trending, all you see is "I lost my son tonight." I thought he died based on the part that showed

Show quote history

Fair enough. I still think some of the responses on this thread are over the top.

If you would be triggered by reading about someone’s son dying why would you click on a thread “I lost my son” that you thought was about that exact subject (death of a child)?

It’s ridiculous to open a thread you think will be upsetting and then scold the OP because it’s not the dreadful subject you imagined it to be. It’s almost as if some people hoped it would be about something awful and were left disappointed.

KT1995 · 27/07/2023 08:53

YABU. And need to give your head a wobble, yes or a ruddy great whack

MonsterCalling · 27/07/2023 08:54

Ducksurprise · 27/07/2023 07:20

So you are disappointed he didn't?

Bloody hell, I can't believe the amount of posters that have clicked on a thread believing a son has died and then are cross he hasn't.

Show quote history

Do you actually think that, or do you think it's possible that pp think it's rather crass to use a common euphemism for death in a hyperbolic title, especially the cropped version which comes up in Active?

FairAcre · 27/07/2023 09:02

RainyWeekend · 27/07/2023 01:14

And for those accusing me of click bait, to what end?

As it happens I'm using the IOS app and you see the full title. So had no idea it would cut half the title off.

I'm with you OP. You never stop worrying about your kids - it doesn't matter what age they are.

RedHelenB · 27/07/2023 09:04

19lottie82 · 26/07/2023 23:20

God I thought you meant he died!

Me too. A massive over reaction to a 40 year old deciding to go home from the pub without telling you.

Hufflepods · 27/07/2023 09:05

It's mental to even go check and stand outside the toilets after 15 mins anyway. He could have been on the phone, bumped into someone, had to queue for the bathroom ...

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 27/07/2023 09:06

I empathise OP. My sons are in their late 30s but if there is any problem, it's the little boys of primary school age I see in my mind's eye. I definitely would have been worried in your situation.

Ducksurprise · 27/07/2023 09:07

MonsterCalling · 27/07/2023 08:54

Do you actually think that, or do you think it's possible that pp think it's rather crass to use a common euphemism for death in a hyperbolic title, especially the cropped version which comes up in Active?

Show quote history

People are chastising the op for not having a son that is dead, it is weird.

Appreciate if it cuts off to 'I lost my son tonight' people might be expecting something different but the response to realising a Mnetter hasn't had a son die is relief, not disappointment.

If the whole title is on display it is evident to anyone with basic comprehension that it isn't a thread about death.

TheChosenTwo · 27/07/2023 09:14

Wtf have I just read? He’s not a ‘wee boy’, he’s a full grown man 😳 why would you be crying? He went to the loo, didn’t return to the crowds, went home as feeling poorly, a very short while later you made contact with him…
Sounds a bit needy and clingy.

RightOnTheEdge · 27/07/2023 09:23

Well I don't really think your son did anything wrong really. It was just unfortunate that he thought you'd get his message but had no signal.

Posters will still keep saying he could have come back to your table and making up their own dramatic story even after you explained about the rows of seats, because they can't be bothered to read properly in their haste to post and have a go at you 🙄

You were a total drama queen though 😂

blacknredsweeties · 27/07/2023 09:29

Do you have grandchildren?

Mayhem3 · 27/07/2023 09:36

Hufflepods · 27/07/2023 09:05

It's mental to even go check and stand outside the toilets after 15 mins anyway. He could have been on the phone, bumped into someone, had to queue for the bathroom ...

Exactly!

I would worry if my adult friend had not come back after an hour but to panic and be so hysterical after 15 mins is crazy.

I wonder if OP had been drinking.

PrudenceDictates · 27/07/2023 09:37

GroutScrubberExtraordinaire · 27/07/2023 08:08

There we have it. Fully diagnosed within hours.

You're are too enmeshed with your son but neglect your daughter, you all need therapy, your son has clearly taken too much cocaine and shat himself.

Bloody hell 😂

Don't be silly @GroutScrubberExtraordinaire ... you've forgotten that he's also having an affair! 🥴

I really can't believe the utterly vicious responses to this pretty gentle AIBU. Some posters only come on here to be horrible, I think.

I have adult children and am always worried about them!

CurlewKate · 27/07/2023 09:51

Imagine the scenario. You're out with friends. One of them goes to the loo. 15 minutes later she hasn't come back. One of you goes to check if she's all right and there's no sign of her. Do you all shrug, assume she's gone home and just carry on with your evening? Glad you're not my friends if you do!!

Incidentally- I do hope everyone complaining about the thread title ar equally vociferous when it's "my baby girl died today" and it turns out to be a cat!

Hufflepods · 27/07/2023 10:05

@CurlewKate Imagine the scenario. You're out with friends. One of them goes to the loo. 15 minutes later she hasn't come back. One of you goes to check if she's all right and there's no sign of her. Do you all shrug, assume she's gone home and just carry on with your evening? Glad you're not my friends if you do!!

One of us would probably just go outside to get some signal and call her.
I certainly wouldn't be "distraught" and crying my eyes out.

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