To insist my husband not buy this desk?

[Mastmw7g]

We bought a home. One of the rooms is very small and we agreed it would be a place for my husband to work as well as a room for guests, most notably my oldest daughter from a previous marriage who's 20 years old. Then someone my husband knows bought an expensive, massive desk he says he's going to get. There isn't even room for a sofa if he gets this desk. Also, it costs 30% of the whole budget for furniture for the new home. He suggested my 20 year old could sleep with her 10 year old sister when she visits. Or we could get a sofa bed downstairs. I never would have picked this house if I knew there wouldn't be a room for her to have privacy from her much younger brothers and sister.

30% of the £7000 budget.
That’s £2100 for a desk that costs £210 here.

Home offices and guest rooms are both nice to have, but the former trumps the latter if someone works at home and there is insufficient room for both. Many households manage without either.

Sit/stand desk base with IKEA top, total cost under £200

But they live right near his workplace. He could go and work in the office.

It's a want, not a need for him to have a WFH space. Just as OP's want for a spare bedroom is not a need.

The situation is that they agreed before buying the house that the room would have a dual purpose- to suit both their wants.

Now he's decided to take over the whole space, and blow the furniture budget on it to boot.

The current desk is a crock of shit, far too small and not enough room to even pull a chair under with that drawer unit in the way. When you work with computers (guessing DH is in IT), the correct desk is very important. Carpal tunnel syndrome and other posturally-induced health problems can be career-ending.

The new desk looks like something from 1995. I've never liked desks with cutouts because the cutout removes a bit of the desk that a lot of V-type ergonomic keyboards need to rest on.

I have to fit into a 135cm wide space next to a chimney breast but cannot tolerate shallow desks (long-sighted and very prone to eye strain), and I eventually found this IKEA electric sit-stand desk 120cm wide by 80cm deep with built-in cable managemen. I manage to have one and a double sofabed in my home office. If DH can cope with 70cm depth instead of 80cm, there's also a hand-cranked one at about half the price.

How come you work from the bedroom but he gets his own dedicated room? Or at least is attempting to finagle it into his own dedicated room? The house obviously isn’t big enough for you both to have your own office that’s just an office: you’re compromising by making an office corner in the bedroom, he needs to accept that he compromises and makes an office corner in the guest room.

He sounds tedious though, especially the part where you have to keep suggesting things until he stops saying no. Does he ever do the legwork of finding the furniture options, aside from his idiot desk?

That's not entirely the case. If the desk is too high and can't be lowered, the chair won't help with that. Likewise, if you need a deep desk because you have a big keyboard, use a graphics tablet, or need the monitor set far back to avoid eyestrain, the chair won't help with that either.

Having read this: DH should go to his office every day and you should work from the guest room.

Do not work in the room in which you sleep because it fucks up your ability to sleep and rest. You cannot psychologically switch off from work in your bedroom when it's also your office because you work in there. Plus, if you get malware on your computer, you could be filmed during sex or whilst undressed because the malware can hijack the camera and microphone.

I’d couldn’t work if that all day it’s very cramped and looks unsuitable

I think you need to look for better options could you wall mount. Monitors get a set of drawers/filing cabinets on wheels that slide under desk when not In use but could wheel out to provide extra desk space

If you work from home you need suitable facilities that’s not being selfish

His current desk is too small.

The one he wants is too expensive - it’s only a desk.

What concerns me most is that your DD is only 20, you have moved away from her and now she doesn’t seem to have a bedroom to sleep in when she visits. Not only are you now further away, the new house is too small. He knows this and is trying to squeeze her out.

Personally I am planning for my DC to be able to live with me for as long as they want and if they live elsewhere, to be able to come back when they need to. But we do live in an expensive part of the UK where this is common with young adult children.

What was the set-up like before? Did she have her own room then?

he had said he would go into the office when we had guests, so he wouldn't have to socialize. He plays games on his computer, too, and watches a lot of videos, and I wasn't sure how he was going to handle having less time for that

Sounds like a real catch🤨.

What did you agree when you bought the place?

Did you say that you needed your adult daughter to have her own room and that was a consideration?

If so, your husband is being unreasonable.

However, I would say his current set up is a tiny desk and I can understand why he wants more space, espeially if he works from home a lot.

I am with him on stand up desk.
Totally worth the money.
I am pretty sure it's smaller than the corner one.

In the UK, you can get desks like that quite cheaply from Ikea - I can't imagine you'd have to spend a fortune for an equivalent in the US.

I have a very similar monitor arm on my cheapy linnmon ikea desk. Mine only has one screw plate underneath, and my screens aren't the lightest, but to tighten it up enough to be stable would have crushed the cheapy honeycomb desk. So I have an extra piece of wood between the arm clamp and the desk. Luckily had a spare shelf from a bookcase.

It works brilliantly, I save loads of desk space, and have far more freedom to position my screens.

He is being selfish OP. Yes his current desk is too small but you've moved away from your adult child to be near his work. He plans however to work from home. You are having to work in your bedroom whilst he takes up the spare room despite having the option of working in an office you've moved houses to be near. Despite that unfairness he now wants to buy a desk which means your daughter won't be able to stay over comfortably and will therefore probably visit less. At best he's selfish at worst he's deliberately trying to push your DD out.

Why is it always the man who gets the dedicated office space, and the woman who is working from the dining table/bedroom etc?

Especially when DH has a perfectly good office nearby - at his place of work - that has been provided and paid for by his employer.

Why should his family sacrifice a room of their family home for him?

He clearly wants a man cave to do his gaming and videos in. Which is the opposite of what he agreed to with OP.

The new desk is too big for even a pullout!

I would tell hin that He gets to veto your choice, swings both ways and you are saying no to any desk more than £x and bigger than x size.as it was agreed to be a multi use space.

Op is your daughter at university or has she permanently moved out?

My desk is smaller and I cope with a similar setup....not sure why he needs to have what looks like a hard drive or a speaker on the desk surface.

The desk he wants looks like a full size office desk and I can understand why he wants it but does he really need all that work surface?

Ps I am looking at a rising desk that sits on my current desk as think I need to stand a bit when working.

@AgnesX - exactly what I was thinking. The box can go on the floor, under the desk and the filing cabinet moved.

Current desk looks too small.

Why is your desk in the bedroom and his in the spare room that your dd will share?

Is there no option for your office/ dd room to be the skate room and for him to have a garden office?

If not I would have the office divided and you both share that and find another solution for guests staying.

Absolutely. So weird not to do those basic things if he is so desperate for more room.

He could also fit a treadmill under his existing desk.

Or get some exercise (and fresh air) by WALKING in real life to his actual workplace that the whole family has moved to be nearer to, at the expense of OP being nearer her 20 year old daughter.