Should contact centre care more?

[Hotandsunny]

I feel like making a complaint to a contact centre but I'd like to hear the opinion of those with more experience.

I support a lady who is suffering with her mental health at the moment. Her toddler DS was put into foster care and she sees him at a contact centre. Today we planned to take him to a cafe for lunch and then to the park.

We go into the room at the contact centre and mum says Let's get your shoes on we're going for some lunch and then to the park. He gets excited and then the supervisor says 'oh, you can't take him out today' We protest that we have no lunch for him and it's a hot, sunny day and we don't want him stuck in a small room for 3 hours. I ask why they didn't tell me when I rung in the morning to confirm contact or when his mum was waiting in the reception (she was 40 min early) meaning we could have sorted lunch and not told the little boy we were going out. They just said the social worker should have told us and I could buy him lunch from the corner shop. It's literally a tiny corner shop selling crisps, sweets and fizzy drinks kind of thing. Luckily I had brought some fruit as a snack, I bought some crisps and biscuits in the shop and that was his lunch. His mum was obviously upset but had to swallow it down so she could make the most of her time with her son. At the end of contact she puts him in a buggy to be taken out to transport. When she was putting him in the buggy he started getting excited, thinking finally we are going to the park. Once he realised that wasn't happening he got upset.

Now, of course the social worker should have told her. But the contact staff's attitude that they couldn't care less really got to me. Would it really have been so hard for them to check we knew so we brought lunch. Could they not have said something before we went into the room just to prevent upset of mum in front of the child as well as upset of the child being told something that couldn't happen. At the end of the day social workers are notoriously overworked and communication suffers, it's not right but should they not put the child's welfare first and make sure these things are known rather than end up in the situation as described.

If you fail to communicate something to them all hell breaks loose but the other way round they refuse to take any responsibility.

By the way, I'm not saying the social worker isn't ultimately responsible for this, she absolutely is and I've messaged her about it and asked her to contact me. I just feel it's a shame the people on the frontline can't work in a cooperative way for the sake of the children.

YABU - don't make a complaint this is the social workers fault only.
YANBU - the contact centre should have some concern for how these things affect the children and communicate with parents

In that case the social worker should have informed you, particularly if it meant an increased risk to the child or mother. I understand about their workloads (all too well - I am one!) but this is a five minute call and it should have happened at the time the decision was made and communicated to the centre staff.

Literally the whole job of a contact centre is to promote good contact. They didn't do that.

I'm not sure if you're actually reading my posts!!

I don't care if it's their 'job'. I want this little boy put first. Let's all work together to make that happen. They could have mentioned it before the start of contact and it would have been better for all involved.

Of course I didn't think they should let her take him out!! Surely, that's blindingly obvious that they couldn't do that!

Don't think anyone's 'a bit shit'. Overworked, yes. Child not put first due to procedure, yes. Trying to work together as a team I believe is the most helpful approach.

Firstly as I've said it's nigh on impossible to get hold of the social worker and secondly, ask them what? Chances are you wouldn't know what?

As I've said we were told all the information about why we couldn't go out and that the SW ok'd it. So not sure what your point is?

This might happen again. It might be worth having stuff with you that can be used if needed, and kept for another time if not. Or, get his lunch in advance, then you can just let him eat it at the park (if allowed) or in the contact centre if not.

I know there's a valid reason but no not as you've guessed. And yes, we've talked about how well she did to keep her anger inside and concentrate on her DS. I don't agree about the level of difficulty of different set ups. It really depends on the parent and child's particular circumstances. And to suggest being with your child in a park doesn't require parenting is ridiculous.

All I'm looking at is making the completely unnatural setting of a contact centre work for everyone.

I agree. But unfortunately it just doesn't seem to happen.

Yes, it's lesson learnt as far as bringing lunch goes.

How long were you at the contact centre?

I’ve never known anyone to feed their child lunch in a contact centre.

The social worker or foster family told the contact centre and they passed the message on.
The contact centre is not to blame here.

If the mum isn’t happy with the situation then she needs to contact the social worker and explain.

You should not be doing these things for her as she needs to learn to be a parent and it’s up to her whether she will bring a pack lunch or snacks in the future if this happens again.

I think you are getting way too involved.

When my ex saw my DD at a contact centre then I was more than happy for him to take her out. He then became a flight risk and was stopped from taking her out.
He was very angry and complained to everyone but it was in the child’s best interests which is what the social worker was thinking about.

My now DD(7) had lunch three times a week at a contact centre for two years while she was having contact with each of her birth parents. It will probably blow your mind to learn that she also had an extended period of having her evening meal at a contact centre while having time with her birth mother and each of her half-siblings. Heck, she even had birthday teas at contact centres!

Been reading this thread with interest as I’ve had experience of “Family Centres” as they were called 30 years ago.

I don’t think the OP is being unreasonable, nor the Mum to point out that essential communication regarding a change in contact arrangements was not passed on and it was potentially and practically going to impact on the quality of said contact, which is supposed to be managed in the best interests of the child.

The proposed attitude of the “complaint” if couched in the language of “how can we work together to avoid a similar situation moving forward” should surely be seen as the Mum, and supporter, putting the child first, which is (allegedly) the gold standard of social work.

The issues around whether or not community contact us allowed is surely decided on a case by case basis, as children are in the system for a multitude of reasons, and the perceived risks must therefore be calculated on an individual basis.

My own experience ended up with my being roundly criticised by the SW in the final report, submitted for the final hearing, because I had not pushed for going outside for community based activities - reason being I was never told it was an option, and SS had so thoroughly put the fear of God into me, I just did as I was told and didn’t ask questions.

Yeah, that was fun.

There is a tendency I thin, when dealing with SS that if something hasn’t happened to one person, it can’t possibly happen to another. Or if it did, it’s somehow their own fault, or definitely not anyone else’s….. it can feel very much like a Catch 22 situation.

Before I experienced the system, and some of the pure batshittery I encountered that made even my seasoned Family Law solicitor roll his eyes, I too would have been sceptical of some of the stories and fubars I have since encountered. I’m a lot more open minded now and try to keep my bias in check, but honestly the system needs an overhaul for a multiplicity of reasons.

Anyway, apologies for the soap box moment - and from my perspective there’s nothing unreasonable about the OP or the Mums thoughts.

At the centre for 3 hours and yes if contact is over a meal or snack time then the child is of course fed. The contact centre did not pass the message on, they said the social worker should have done so prior to contact. All I'm saying was it would have been great if they'd passed the message on as soon as they knew or at least when I phoned.

I'm not here to discuss what mum should and should not be doing. Without knowing the details you should not be deciding this either. I'm simply fulfilling my role.

This is about putting the little boy's best interests first. Good communication is part of that.

Very odd that people don't expect a child to be fed while at contact. Little ones generally need meals and snacks quite regularly so hardly surprising. Even if you were only there an hour if it's over lunchtime you obviously feed your child!

Thank you and I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. It can all be very difficult to navigate. I hope you are doing well 😊

What are you on about? It happens all the time! Even when it's not lunch or dinner time parents often still take food in. Some bake with their kids if there's time or heat up hot food for them.

It all sounds incredibly frustrating and in some ways I can see that you are running out of time. Court will be looming ahead, a date on everyone’s minds and family time is really precious. The records from this are such a huge part of the final evidence.

Hopefully you can get some clarity on if you can go out in the community next time, I don’t disagree a park is more fun but it is harder to observe for workers. There is space in the park and it generally helps children cope better. In a confined place you can really observe interaction and how parents manage situations. Even observing parents decisions around tidying up can be eye opening! It also gives parents the opportunity to better show what they have learnt about play, child development through the courses they will have attended. However I am happy to agree to disagree.

I can see why you are frustrated with the family time team about not being allowed out especially if you were early and the social worker has communicated poorly with you all in the past. I think moving forward checking plans with the family time team is good but accept you shouldn’t need to do this which adds to further frustration.

You also seem aware of the incident with dad, if this came from the social worker then it should have been followed up with by they way for this reason family time needs to take place at the centre for x amount of time before it can be reviewed.

You say the social worker has form for this so I would be proactive, write out each occasion then put it in an email to them asking if there is anything that has not been shared, asking when family turn can be held in the community again, be clear that you expect acknowledgment of the email by a certain period of time. When you don’t get anything escalate as a complaint. You need to do this asap to ensure no more confusion

I would also certainly be helping her to share this with her legal, they will be interested. If the plan is for reunification the family time needs to be increasing and moving to unsupervised because twice a weeks supervised isn’t enough. I would be worried that this isn’t being communicated and that’s certainly not okay.

It sounds like this is a tricky case, lots of complicating factors so I hope your getting some good supervision and not being drawn in to much. It can be really easy as things like saying you will make lunch sounds kind but she needs to show she can put together and budget for a balanced lunch her child likes. I still have to check myself if I am being a rescuer and enabler or supporting and challenging. So please don’t think I’m challenging your practice it is just support from one professional to another.

I'm so confused why everyone assumes she isn't allowed to take the little boy out!

Because you've posted in a general forum and people make stuff up in their head based on what they assume it is like to have a child in foster care or use a contact centre.

You would be better off asking this on a foster care specific platform. Most of MN will have no experience and no idea about this situation.

It is a very complex case and due to the specifics a lot of those things aren't relevant.

The SW hadn't contacted either of us atall. She's actually a really great SW in most ways.

And yes, I understand what you are saying re: being a rescuer/enabler. But in this specific case what I'm doing is appropriate for the situation.

Thanks for the advice.

I mean because of what I wrote but yes, I guess the stories people make up takes over from actually reading what was said.

I actually always get really good and fast advice from MN if you ignore all the nonsense!