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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should contact centre care more?

171 replies

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 18:54

I feel like making a complaint to a contact centre but I'd like to hear the opinion of those with more experience.

I support a lady who is suffering with her mental health at the moment. Her toddler DS was put into foster care and she sees him at a contact centre. Today we planned to take him to a cafe for lunch and then to the park.

We go into the room at the contact centre and mum says Let's get your shoes on we're going for some lunch and then to the park. He gets excited and then the supervisor says 'oh, you can't take him out today' We protest that we have no lunch for him and it's a hot, sunny day and we don't want him stuck in a small room for 3 hours. I ask why they didn't tell me when I rung in the morning to confirm contact or when his mum was waiting in the reception (she was 40 min early) meaning we could have sorted lunch and not told the little boy we were going out. They just said the social worker should have told us and I could buy him lunch from the corner shop. It's literally a tiny corner shop selling crisps, sweets and fizzy drinks kind of thing. Luckily I had brought some fruit as a snack, I bought some crisps and biscuits in the shop and that was his lunch. His mum was obviously upset but had to swallow it down so she could make the most of her time with her son. At the end of contact she puts him in a buggy to be taken out to transport. When she was putting him in the buggy he started getting excited, thinking finally we are going to the park. Once he realised that wasn't happening he got upset.

Now, of course the social worker should have told her. But the contact staff's attitude that they couldn't care less really got to me. Would it really have been so hard for them to check we knew so we brought lunch. Could they not have said something before we went into the room just to prevent upset of mum in front of the child as well as upset of the child being told something that couldn't happen. At the end of the day social workers are notoriously overworked and communication suffers, it's not right but should they not put the child's welfare first and make sure these things are known rather than end up in the situation as described.

If you fail to communicate something to them all hell breaks loose but the other way round they refuse to take any responsibility.

By the way, I'm not saying the social worker isn't ultimately responsible for this, she absolutely is and I've messaged her about it and asked her to contact me. I just feel it's a shame the people on the frontline can't work in a cooperative way for the sake of the children.

YABU - don't make a complaint this is the social workers fault only.
YANBU - the contact centre should have some concern for how these things affect the children and communicate with parents

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 26/07/2023 20:59

I do a similar job to you and I fully appreciate why you're frustrated. Situations like these are so unfair to the family and the children. But it's not the contract centre workers job to chase that up in advance, its just their job to be there and facilitate the contact to happen. So in this instance I'd follow it up directly with the social worker and try to set out a plan for what is happening at each planned contact and get mum and her dc involved in the planning with the sw so it's all approved in advance and they know what will be happening. Then if it keeps falling through I'd raise it as a complaint with the Social Workers senior. Its probably a good idea for mum to bring some healthy back up snacks with her although with a cost of living crisis she shouldn't really be expected to provide extra food when there's already a plan for the day which she's prepared and budgeted for. I would also feed that back to the social worker.

That being said if the social worker comes back and says the contact centre worker shouldn't have told you that and the outing could have taken place, then id complain against them.

Wheretostartstitching · 26/07/2023 20:59

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:47

She always takes him out. We are fully aware she is allowed to take him out.

They always have to 'break news' as the social worker never communicates. It would just be nice if they broke that news at the stage that I could have made lunch and the little boy wasn't upset.

I'm so confused why everyone assumes she isn't allowed to take the little boy out! I said in the OP we were told we couldn't take him out that day. Not that we couldn't take him out ever. And why would I deliberately not make him lunch if we weren't allowed out with him?

Show quote history

If they have to always break news but it isn’t there job, then it would follow that they may not always do it in the right way or always remember. The reason certain tasks sit with certain people is so that they have responsibility. They shouldn’t have to pick up the social workers jobs and given they are having robots not surprising this happened.

It isn’t just one family they deal with. It’s alot. And alot of different things they have to deal with.

The social worker is at fault. Not them because they didn’t think to check the social worker had done their job.

That’s like saying, it’s your fault. You know the social worker didn’t communicate well. You knew she was planning on taking the child out. Should you have arrived and checked with them that an outdoor visit was ok today?

I can’t believe no one asked why you couldn’t take him out and why it had changed.

Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:00

CraftyGin · 26/07/2023 19:38

IME, the social worker defines how contact works. The default is that they stay in the centre (or the vicinity of the centre - ours has a small playground literally next door), supervised by centre staff. Going further afield would need to be supervised by the SW.

I always send a packed tea for my FC, which she doesn't usually eat because of treats from her parent. But I am not going to take the risk. There is no way I would assume that she would be fed in the community, and consider it my job to provide all her food.

We feed all meals during contact. I will now make sure to bring a packed lunch no matter what.

OP posts:
londonrach · 26/07/2023 21:02

I doubt child be allowed out of the centre so surprised you thought that op

Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:03

CraftyGin · 26/07/2023 19:38

IME, the social worker defines how contact works. The default is that they stay in the centre (or the vicinity of the centre - ours has a small playground literally next door), supervised by centre staff. Going further afield would need to be supervised by the SW.

I always send a packed tea for my FC, which she doesn't usually eat because of treats from her parent. But I am not going to take the risk. There is no way I would assume that she would be fed in the community, and consider it my job to provide all her food.

Initially the foster carer did send food but mum asked if we could provide it as in all honesty it wasn't very healthy what she sent (perhaps due to wanting things to keep if they weren't eaten) so this way he has a nice healthy lunch and snacks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

😂

OP posts:
HappyJoyousFree · 26/07/2023 21:05

londonrach · 26/07/2023 21:02

I doubt child be allowed out of the centre so surprised you thought that op

Lots of contacts are done in the community. It's risk assessed and based on the individual circumstances. It's far better and more natural for children to spend time at parks with parents than in contact centres.

Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:05

BadNomad · 26/07/2023 19:52

The contact centre aren't going to know you don't know. Going forward you should double-check with them when you arrive. The communication failure was between the social worker and you.

From now on I'm going to run through everything when I phone in the morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:06

Bouncyball23 · 26/07/2023 20:07

Mother has to see child in a contact centre for a reason if she was allowed to take child out then their would be no reason for the centre.

Oh really? So why does she take the child out almost every session? Can you explain that?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:10

Wheretostartstitching · 26/07/2023 20:23

They did have a choice to say it at that point.

What a strange thing to say. She can't, for whatever reason, take the boy out today.

You both walked in and told him you were taking him out. The contact centre couldn't just let her take him our of she was right allowed.

Once she had told the boy he was going out, what would you expect them to do? Keep quiet?

I don't think it's a good idea for the CC staff to tell a mother, struggling with mental health issues, that she can't take the child out just before contact. This lady maybe ok, but many wouldn't.

Surely you, as her support, asked why she couldn't take him out?

Show quote history

They shouldn't tell her just before contact but fine for them to tell her during contact??

OP posts:
Usernameunknownfornow · 26/07/2023 21:10

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:52

I'm not, but if I was so what? Doesn't change the answer? People who's children are in foster care are not monsters, I fail to see why I'd have to cover this up?

Show quote history

I've never stated anything about people's children being foster care as monsters I was brought up in care myself and had my fair share of being a mother who's children were in foster aswel.

Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:12

MichelleScarn · 26/07/2023 20:26

Does the mum want you to complain?

Yes, but I said I wanted to look into it a bit first. But we just want it to work better, not be nasty. It's just frustrating as we've had other communication issues and I'm sure it's not great for the staff either.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:13

MichelleScarn · 26/07/2023 20:20

A 'professional' volunteer as in through a registered charity?

Yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:16

CatsSnore · 26/07/2023 20:28

YANBU OP!

Also to the posters saying they can't be taken out. That's rubbish. A lot of assessments are done such as - does the parent make sure their dc are safe by the road, does the parent teach the child how to cross the road safely, how do they interact with strangers/shop keepers etc etc. Going out to the park is completely normal for contact and the parent should have been told if that wasn't an option. I doubt it was the SW. I'd bet money the contact centre staff didn't fancy the park.

To be fair, that wasn't the case. I just feel I cooperate with them, I'd like a bit of cooperation back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:17

POTC · 26/07/2023 20:33

Complete bull. Clearly you have no idea what you are talking about. There are MANY reasons for a child to be in care, Foster or other local authority care. Sometimes the contact centre is uses literally just as the handover point, for example if the parents are unable to see each other. Sometimes the centre staff will accompany the family out into the community to supervise the visit. Sometimes a parent will be able to take the child out for an amount of time unsupervised that is gradually increased in the lead up to the child moving back home.

Show quote history

I have no idea why some people who clearly have no experience have to put their two penneth in!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:21

crapactually · 26/07/2023 20:34

@Hotandsunny I know people try and be brief but it would really have helped to have the relevant info before every poster tried to guess what happened!

I find it really hard to guess how people are going to take things.

We planned to take him to a cafe and to the park - why would we plan that if she wasn't allowed to take him out??

The supervisor said 'Oh, you can't take him out today' i.e not 'you aren't allowed to take him out' but 'you can't take him out just for today'.

I honestly didn't think that needed explaining - sorry!

OP posts:
InThisMultiverse · 26/07/2023 21:27

If the SW made an unprecedented change to the supervised contact arrangement and had time to tell the contact centre, they had time to tell the mother. It isn’t the role of the contact centre staff to pass on those messages or to predict that the SW did not communicate the change of plans to the mother or even the foster carer to make arrangements for feeding the child.

Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:28

overdogged · 26/07/2023 20:37

Hotandsunny

I used to work as a social worker in a Court team and had around 20 children on my caseload. I just didn't have the time to micromanage minor changes to contact 'can I bring x?' 'Can I change the day/time'? 'Can I have a bus pass, I can't get there?' 'Can we have extra time, it's x's birthday?' Then complaints about what the foster carer had dressed the child in, what they were eating, how their hair had been done....
Then visits, meetings, reports, statements...
It was a complete nightmare! I do sympathise that your time didn't go as planned but just explaining the other side. Please cut them some slack and I hope you get to the park next time.

I get it, I really do. But I go out of my way to assist the social worker. If she decides to make a change to contact, a change that could upset the little boy she needs to communicate that. Because if it was the other way round she would not be cutting mum any slack. All that was needed was a quick text. However, as I have said I understand SW's caseloads are crazy and in all honesty there is no communication. So the contact centre 99/100 are going to be telling the parent about a change. All I'm asking is tell us in advance, like I tell them in advance that we're coming.

OP posts:
Usernameunknownfornow · 26/07/2023 21:28

@Hotandsunny As a support worker as you state, I find it very disrespectful you would come on mumsnet asking people about another person's personal business, when it comes to things that invovled social services you shouldn't be on here giving information about your client regardless whether you haven't given their name or DOB you still have told personal information to strangers about them.

MichelleScarn · 26/07/2023 21:30

@Hotandsunny In all honesty, I don't think this is something you should be making a decision on yourself or with info from mumsnet. I think that this is something that you need to take to supervision and discuss with your one up.

Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:32

TheFireflies · 26/07/2023 20:55

So what were the reasons given about why you couldn’t take him out as usual? Unless there is a change in the risk assessment - which of course should be clearly communicated - I can’t see why a social worker would make that decision, I wonder if it was more to do with staffing.

No, it wasn't to do with staffing. I didn't really want to get into it but basically it was the little boy's dad causing trouble. I don't really agree with them stopping us going out but understand that was what the social worker agreed to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:35

Lavender14 · 26/07/2023 20:59

I do a similar job to you and I fully appreciate why you're frustrated. Situations like these are so unfair to the family and the children. But it's not the contract centre workers job to chase that up in advance, its just their job to be there and facilitate the contact to happen. So in this instance I'd follow it up directly with the social worker and try to set out a plan for what is happening at each planned contact and get mum and her dc involved in the planning with the sw so it's all approved in advance and they know what will be happening. Then if it keeps falling through I'd raise it as a complaint with the Social Workers senior. Its probably a good idea for mum to bring some healthy back up snacks with her although with a cost of living crisis she shouldn't really be expected to provide extra food when there's already a plan for the day which she's prepared and budgeted for. I would also feed that back to the social worker.

That being said if the social worker comes back and says the contact centre worker shouldn't have told you that and the outing could have taken place, then id complain against them.

I'm not expecting them to chase anything up, just communicate what they know in advance. It is in their interests not to have to deal with upsets caused by being told things once contact has already started.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:41

Wheretostartstitching · 26/07/2023 20:59

If they have to always break news but it isn’t there job, then it would follow that they may not always do it in the right way or always remember. The reason certain tasks sit with certain people is so that they have responsibility. They shouldn’t have to pick up the social workers jobs and given they are having robots not surprising this happened.

It isn’t just one family they deal with. It’s alot. And alot of different things they have to deal with.

The social worker is at fault. Not them because they didn’t think to check the social worker had done their job.

That’s like saying, it’s your fault. You know the social worker didn’t communicate well. You knew she was planning on taking the child out. Should you have arrived and checked with them that an outdoor visit was ok today?

I can’t believe no one asked why you couldn’t take him out and why it had changed.

Show quote history

What I'm saying is if when I ring the centre in the morning they would communicate things then it would be positive for parents, children and the workers themselves! I mean fine they don't want to do it for anyone else but do it for themselves!

From now on I'll just run through everything and check it all with them in the morning. If they could just communicate anything relevant it would be quicker but I'll just have to do it like that.

Where did I say no one asked why and why it changed??

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:43

londonrach · 26/07/2023 21:02

I doubt child be allowed out of the centre so surprised you thought that op

I didn't just imagine what might happen and make plans based on that. The child is allowed out of the centre!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 21:44

Usernameunknownfornow · 26/07/2023 21:10

I've never stated anything about people's children being foster care as monsters I was brought up in care myself and had my fair share of being a mother who's children were in foster aswel.

Show quote history

It was your suggestion that if I was the mother I would need to cover it up. If I was the mother I would say I was the mother.

OP posts:
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