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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should contact centre care more?

171 replies

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 18:54

I feel like making a complaint to a contact centre but I'd like to hear the opinion of those with more experience.

I support a lady who is suffering with her mental health at the moment. Her toddler DS was put into foster care and she sees him at a contact centre. Today we planned to take him to a cafe for lunch and then to the park.

We go into the room at the contact centre and mum says Let's get your shoes on we're going for some lunch and then to the park. He gets excited and then the supervisor says 'oh, you can't take him out today' We protest that we have no lunch for him and it's a hot, sunny day and we don't want him stuck in a small room for 3 hours. I ask why they didn't tell me when I rung in the morning to confirm contact or when his mum was waiting in the reception (she was 40 min early) meaning we could have sorted lunch and not told the little boy we were going out. They just said the social worker should have told us and I could buy him lunch from the corner shop. It's literally a tiny corner shop selling crisps, sweets and fizzy drinks kind of thing. Luckily I had brought some fruit as a snack, I bought some crisps and biscuits in the shop and that was his lunch. His mum was obviously upset but had to swallow it down so she could make the most of her time with her son. At the end of contact she puts him in a buggy to be taken out to transport. When she was putting him in the buggy he started getting excited, thinking finally we are going to the park. Once he realised that wasn't happening he got upset.

Now, of course the social worker should have told her. But the contact staff's attitude that they couldn't care less really got to me. Would it really have been so hard for them to check we knew so we brought lunch. Could they not have said something before we went into the room just to prevent upset of mum in front of the child as well as upset of the child being told something that couldn't happen. At the end of the day social workers are notoriously overworked and communication suffers, it's not right but should they not put the child's welfare first and make sure these things are known rather than end up in the situation as described.

If you fail to communicate something to them all hell breaks loose but the other way round they refuse to take any responsibility.

By the way, I'm not saying the social worker isn't ultimately responsible for this, she absolutely is and I've messaged her about it and asked her to contact me. I just feel it's a shame the people on the frontline can't work in a cooperative way for the sake of the children.

YABU - don't make a complaint this is the social workers fault only.
YANBU - the contact centre should have some concern for how these things affect the children and communicate with parents

OP posts:
Convincemebob · 26/07/2023 19:16

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Wheretostartstitching · 26/07/2023 19:16

I am confused what you expected the contact centre to do. Go through what she was and wasn’t allowed to do and ask exactly what she was planning on saying to the child?

The mother, or you as support of the mother would lack understanding, should have been fully aware of the terms. Which is the social workers job.

Given you say ‘she sees him in a contact centre’ suggests this isn’t the first time at the contact centre. I really don’t think it the CC job to ensure the parents are made aware of any changes. Breaking the news ‘you can no longer take your child out’ shouldn’t be done by them or just before visitation. It’s not their rules.

If she hasn’t taken him out before, I am unsure why either of you assumed she could.

ImGonnaHaveToTurnMyBackOnYou · 26/07/2023 19:17

If people have no skin in this, haven't used a contact centre or worked for one, please stop spreading disinformation.

Yes, sometimes a supervised parent can visit outside. It's on a case by case thing.

Simonjt · 26/07/2023 19:19

When did she book in an outdoor visit, outline where they were going etc?

When our son was using a contact centre, his birth mum had to book all outside visits, outline exactly where it would take place etc and would be supervised by a social worker (usually our sons).

Trinity65 · 26/07/2023 19:20

ApolloandDaphne · 26/07/2023 18:56

Have you been able to take him out before. I would say it is highly unusual for parents to be able to take children out of contact centres for visits.

Possibly

There was a time that two of my DCs were in Foster care and each Saturday I met up with them at a Contact Centre.
I think it was around 4 months or so in that I could take them out on a Saturday to a local park (local to the centre) or to a soft play in Town (I would then take them back to their Foster Carer).
They were home 2 months after that but I doubt they would have let me take them out alone in the early days, although I was no danger to them, ever.

Convincemebob · 26/07/2023 19:21

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Usernameunknownfornow · 26/07/2023 19:22

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 18:54

I feel like making a complaint to a contact centre but I'd like to hear the opinion of those with more experience.

I support a lady who is suffering with her mental health at the moment. Her toddler DS was put into foster care and she sees him at a contact centre. Today we planned to take him to a cafe for lunch and then to the park.

We go into the room at the contact centre and mum says Let's get your shoes on we're going for some lunch and then to the park. He gets excited and then the supervisor says 'oh, you can't take him out today' We protest that we have no lunch for him and it's a hot, sunny day and we don't want him stuck in a small room for 3 hours. I ask why they didn't tell me when I rung in the morning to confirm contact or when his mum was waiting in the reception (she was 40 min early) meaning we could have sorted lunch and not told the little boy we were going out. They just said the social worker should have told us and I could buy him lunch from the corner shop. It's literally a tiny corner shop selling crisps, sweets and fizzy drinks kind of thing. Luckily I had brought some fruit as a snack, I bought some crisps and biscuits in the shop and that was his lunch. His mum was obviously upset but had to swallow it down so she could make the most of her time with her son. At the end of contact she puts him in a buggy to be taken out to transport. When she was putting him in the buggy he started getting excited, thinking finally we are going to the park. Once he realised that wasn't happening he got upset.

Now, of course the social worker should have told her. But the contact staff's attitude that they couldn't care less really got to me. Would it really have been so hard for them to check we knew so we brought lunch. Could they not have said something before we went into the room just to prevent upset of mum in front of the child as well as upset of the child being told something that couldn't happen. At the end of the day social workers are notoriously overworked and communication suffers, it's not right but should they not put the child's welfare first and make sure these things are known rather than end up in the situation as described.

If you fail to communicate something to them all hell breaks loose but the other way round they refuse to take any responsibility.

By the way, I'm not saying the social worker isn't ultimately responsible for this, she absolutely is and I've messaged her about it and asked her to contact me. I just feel it's a shame the people on the frontline can't work in a cooperative way for the sake of the children.

YABU - don't make a complaint this is the social workers fault only.
YANBU - the contact centre should have some concern for how these things affect the children and communicate with parents

Sounds like you are stating about yourself but using you as a support worker for the mother as a cover up tbh.

HaveSomeIntrospect · 26/07/2023 19:22

How many visits to the contact centre has mum had already?

Trinity65 · 26/07/2023 19:23

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Yes

It was all a long time ago now (circa 2007 or so).

UndercoverCop · 26/07/2023 19:24

@Convincemebob I had a MH team release a DA victim from section on weekend home release to her convicted abuser, on the condition only he was in control of all her medication including some with a very strong tranquilising effect, despite all other involved professionals being up in arms. I don't share your optimism

Usernameunknownfornow · 26/07/2023 19:26

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I think the OP is the woman

Canuckduck · 26/07/2023 19:29

I was previously a Social Worker and also worked at a contact centre. It sounds like this is either a change and should’ve been communicated by the Social Worker or is a staffing issue. It’s obviously not ideal and it’s fair you’ve asked for a call from the Social Worker.

Contact centre staff are trained to remain as neutral as possible and take an observer role. This may be what was seen as not caring. They are also overworked and the pay is usually terrible. I’d just leave it to be honest.

PreschoolMum4 · 26/07/2023 19:35

I work in a contact centre part time through an agency. Generally we turn up 15 mins before a session and are given all of the necessary information then. Chances are they told you at the earliest time they were aware.
Sometimes there are specific reasons why community contact has been paused which they will not be able to share.

CraftyGin · 26/07/2023 19:38

IME, the social worker defines how contact works. The default is that they stay in the centre (or the vicinity of the centre - ours has a small playground literally next door), supervised by centre staff. Going further afield would need to be supervised by the SW.

I always send a packed tea for my FC, which she doesn't usually eat because of treats from her parent. But I am not going to take the risk. There is no way I would assume that she would be fed in the community, and consider it my job to provide all her food.

Convincemebob · 26/07/2023 19:40

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BadNomad · 26/07/2023 19:52

The contact centre aren't going to know you don't know. Going forward you should double-check with them when you arrive. The communication failure was between the social worker and you.

PreschoolMum4 · 26/07/2023 19:55

@CraftyGin contact staff also supervise in the community. Most of my contact sessions are outside of the centre. Anything from the cinema to the local soft play, the park etc. Always authorised in advance by the SW.

Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:05

ApolloandDaphne · 26/07/2023 18:56

Have you been able to take him out before. I would say it is highly unusual for parents to be able to take children out of contact centres for visits.

Yes, we take him out most days.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:06

Densol57 · 26/07/2023 18:59

This is a contact centre as the child is in foster care, so there must be safeguarding issues. The mother should ask nicely for a list of what she can and cannot do with said child and not presume Im afraid. YABU

We take him out most days as the contact centre are well aware.

OP posts:
Bouncyball23 · 26/07/2023 20:07

Mother has to see child in a contact centre for a reason if she was allowed to take child out then their would be no reason for the centre.

Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:09

Wheretostartstitching · 26/07/2023 19:00

How would have the contact centre known the mother wanted to take him out?

If it’s a change and she was allowed to take him out and now, for some reason, isn’t allowed to take him out, I can’t imagine passing that information to the mother is their responsibility.

I am guessing they would have assumed, that the social worker would have communicated it. It’s not really their job to do this.

We take him out most days so they are aware of that. It wasn't a permanent change just something for today (and not anything to do with anything mum has done). And as I said yes it is the social workers responsibility but couldn't they have just mentioned it before we went in in the interests of the child? Do they not have any duty of care to the child?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:13

tinydancer88 · 26/07/2023 19:01

I’m surprised that there was the expectation at all that the little boy could be taken out and therefore not be under the supervision of the contact centre.

I don’t really know what else you were expecting of the CC staff either, although I do get that a parent visiting their child who is in foster care is always going to be a tense, emotionally charged and possibly really difficult situation to support with - I think it’s totally understandable you felt upset but I don’t think any fault lies with them.

The contact supervisor comes out with us. We do it the majority of the time, it is all agreed so yes, we plan based on that.

What I expected was when I phoned this morning to confirm contact for them to mention it to me so I could change our plans accordingly. Or for them to mention it to mum when she arrived giving us time to get lunch sorted. Or at the very least to mention before we saw the little boy so he wasn't upset. Just a little communication! They were happy to say it once it was too late, why not mention it before?

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Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:14

StGertrude · 26/07/2023 19:02

I didn't think children could be routinely taken out at all if the adult could only see them in a contact centre.

Isn't this just standard?

I have no idea. She has always been able to take him out.

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Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:15

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Yes, we go out almost every session.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:16

crapactually · 26/07/2023 19:05

Not at all, lots of contact is supervised in the community if it's deemed safe. It's often much nicer for children to be out and about.
It has to be arranged and not just randomly decided to make sure there's agreement, staffing etc

I may be wrong but it sounds like they've been allowed to go out before and this is a change.

Show quote history

Yes, this was a change just for today.

OP posts: