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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should contact centre care more?

171 replies

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 18:54

I feel like making a complaint to a contact centre but I'd like to hear the opinion of those with more experience.

I support a lady who is suffering with her mental health at the moment. Her toddler DS was put into foster care and she sees him at a contact centre. Today we planned to take him to a cafe for lunch and then to the park.

We go into the room at the contact centre and mum says Let's get your shoes on we're going for some lunch and then to the park. He gets excited and then the supervisor says 'oh, you can't take him out today' We protest that we have no lunch for him and it's a hot, sunny day and we don't want him stuck in a small room for 3 hours. I ask why they didn't tell me when I rung in the morning to confirm contact or when his mum was waiting in the reception (she was 40 min early) meaning we could have sorted lunch and not told the little boy we were going out. They just said the social worker should have told us and I could buy him lunch from the corner shop. It's literally a tiny corner shop selling crisps, sweets and fizzy drinks kind of thing. Luckily I had brought some fruit as a snack, I bought some crisps and biscuits in the shop and that was his lunch. His mum was obviously upset but had to swallow it down so she could make the most of her time with her son. At the end of contact she puts him in a buggy to be taken out to transport. When she was putting him in the buggy he started getting excited, thinking finally we are going to the park. Once he realised that wasn't happening he got upset.

Now, of course the social worker should have told her. But the contact staff's attitude that they couldn't care less really got to me. Would it really have been so hard for them to check we knew so we brought lunch. Could they not have said something before we went into the room just to prevent upset of mum in front of the child as well as upset of the child being told something that couldn't happen. At the end of the day social workers are notoriously overworked and communication suffers, it's not right but should they not put the child's welfare first and make sure these things are known rather than end up in the situation as described.

If you fail to communicate something to them all hell breaks loose but the other way round they refuse to take any responsibility.

By the way, I'm not saying the social worker isn't ultimately responsible for this, she absolutely is and I've messaged her about it and asked her to contact me. I just feel it's a shame the people on the frontline can't work in a cooperative way for the sake of the children.

YABU - don't make a complaint this is the social workers fault only.
YANBU - the contact centre should have some concern for how these things affect the children and communicate with parents

OP posts:

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:17

tinydancer88 · 26/07/2023 19:06

It would also be interesting to know if you support this lady in a professional capacity or as a friend, partner or family member. If as a professional it might be a good learning experience to check with the social worker prior to supporting in these kind of scenarios in future to ensure you know what to expect so you’re not caught off guard.

I support as a volunteer. Getting hold of the social worker is a nightmare. There's no way I'd be able to do so before every contact.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:20

whatsinanameeh · 26/07/2023 19:06

Contact centres do allow the children to leave with caregiver, social Work can arrange that with that with a family support worker as well or another family member alongside the visiting caregiver

In a support role, I have also seen this happen at contact centres . Routinely plans changed because there aren't enough staff so visits are shorter or as in this instance, a plan has been changed without notifying the visitor.

It's set up the visit to fail and is very unfair but I do think contact centre staff manage these troubles day in and day out and may seem uncaring when they are really just unable to help

I do appreciate it may often feel like shooting the messenger. But why could they not mention it earlier? If they can mention it once the little boy is excited and we've brought no lunch, why can't they mention it before?

OP posts:

MichelleScarn · 26/07/2023 20:20

A 'professional' volunteer as in through a registered charity?

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:22

DidyouNO · 26/07/2023 19:06

I'm a foster carer and my boy gets taken to a contact centre purely because it's for contact. Supervised by a social worker (usually the child's) and safe for them. I have never heard of the parent being allowed to leave with the child during contact. I'm assuming this is your first contact and we're unaware but mum should have been completely informed.

No, been doing this for many months. Very usual to be able to go out. Mum should be completely informed? Nope, mostly not told about anything to be honest.

OP posts:

Wheretostartstitching · 26/07/2023 20:23

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:13

The contact supervisor comes out with us. We do it the majority of the time, it is all agreed so yes, we plan based on that.

What I expected was when I phoned this morning to confirm contact for them to mention it to me so I could change our plans accordingly. Or for them to mention it to mum when she arrived giving us time to get lunch sorted. Or at the very least to mention before we saw the little boy so he wasn't upset. Just a little communication! They were happy to say it once it was too late, why not mention it before?

Show quote history

They did have a choice to say it at that point.

What a strange thing to say. She can't, for whatever reason, take the boy out today.

You both walked in and told him you were taking him out. The contact centre couldn't just let her take him our of she was right allowed.

Once she had told the boy he was going out, what would you expect them to do? Keep quiet?

I don't think it's a good idea for the CC staff to tell a mother, struggling with mental health issues, that she can't take the child out just before contact. This lady maybe ok, but many wouldn't.

Surely you, as her support, asked why she couldn't take him out?

MichelleScarn · 26/07/2023 20:26

Does the mum want you to complain?

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

It is clearly defined. She is allowed to leave the centre and does so on most contacts. It is prearranged that she can go out whenever she wishes too. If she couldn't leave the centre why on earth would we have made plans to go to the cafe and park?!!

OP posts:

CatsSnore · 26/07/2023 20:28

YANBU OP!

Also to the posters saying they can't be taken out. That's rubbish. A lot of assessments are done such as - does the parent make sure their dc are safe by the road, does the parent teach the child how to cross the road safely, how do they interact with strangers/shop keepers etc etc. Going out to the park is completely normal for contact and the parent should have been told if that wasn't an option. I doubt it was the SW. I'd bet money the contact centre staff didn't fancy the park.

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:30

Brunilde · 26/07/2023 19:11

If the responsibility lies with the social worker then yes you would be unreasonable to be annoyed that someone in another role didn't go around checking they have done their job and mopping up after them.

Most people aren't expected to duplicate work just in case someone else fucks up.

In all honesty it doesn't seem much 'work' to say - do you know you can't go out today? when I rung this morning. Certainly less work than having to explain later and upset mum and little boy and to then have to deal with that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:32

crapactually · 26/07/2023 19:13

As others have said, it could be that the contact centre had to make last minute changes.

For example, there was a staff shortage and they couldn't leave another staff member in the centre alone. I would hope that would be explained to mum however. There's not really enough information about why they couldn't go out.

They were aware yesterday so it wasn't a case of them not knowing until after we were about to go out.

OP posts:

POTC · 26/07/2023 20:33

Bouncyball23 · 26/07/2023 20:07

Mother has to see child in a contact centre for a reason if she was allowed to take child out then their would be no reason for the centre.

Complete bull. Clearly you have no idea what you are talking about. There are MANY reasons for a child to be in care, Foster or other local authority care. Sometimes the contact centre is uses literally just as the handover point, for example if the parents are unable to see each other. Sometimes the centre staff will accompany the family out into the community to supervise the visit. Sometimes a parent will be able to take the child out for an amount of time unsupervised that is gradually increased in the lead up to the child moving back home.

crapactually · 26/07/2023 20:34

@Hotandsunny I know people try and be brief but it would really have helped to have the relevant info before every poster tried to guess what happened!

overdogged · 26/07/2023 20:37

Hotandsunny

I used to work as a social worker in a Court team and had around 20 children on my caseload. I just didn't have the time to micromanage minor changes to contact 'can I bring x?' 'Can I change the day/time'? 'Can I have a bus pass, I can't get there?' 'Can we have extra time, it's x's birthday?' Then complaints about what the foster carer had dressed the child in, what they were eating, how their hair had been done....
Then visits, meetings, reports, statements...
It was a complete nightmare! I do sympathise that your time didn't go as planned but just explaining the other side. Please cut them some slack and I hope you get to the park next time.

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:41

HappyJoyousFree · 26/07/2023 19:14

It's down to the social worker. The contact centre staff will have their directions from the social worker and will just be following them. They aren't able to override what has been agreed or stated by SW. If being in the community is something that usually happens and is a change then this should have been communicated by the SW and contact centre would presume this had been done. I don't think they've done anything wrong. They pointed out you weren't able to take the child out the contact centre. They may not be privy to the reason why. They also tried to give an option for lunch although not ideal it's not their fault there isn't a sandwich shop nearby. This lies with the SW and I think you're right to address this direct with them and support mum to do so too.

I completely agree that this is down to the social worker. I'm not saying they are responsible, just I suppose it felt they didn't really care. I don't see what stopped them mentioning it before. I guess it just would have been nice if they'd checked. Knowing we always take him out. Knowing we sometimes go to a cafe so don't bring lunch. Knowing there's no where close to buy lunch. Just a word beforehand. They like contact to be confirmed every morning despite it already being set up, I phone them every morning. It's not really necessary but I do it. They didn't have to say anything before, it just would have been nice if they did. Surely it's worse for them to have to then deal with upset parents and children? Quite honestly, if this SW is anything to go by, the communication is zero so I think they can safely assume that any change we won't have been told about.

OP posts:

WilkinsonM · 26/07/2023 20:41

It is the social worker's responsibility but contact arrangements are always confirmed between the parent and the contact centre because you can't rely on a social worker being available to communicate between them. The contact centre should have mentioned it to you when they confirmed the contact in the morning.

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:47

Wheretostartstitching · 26/07/2023 19:16

I am confused what you expected the contact centre to do. Go through what she was and wasn’t allowed to do and ask exactly what she was planning on saying to the child?

The mother, or you as support of the mother would lack understanding, should have been fully aware of the terms. Which is the social workers job.

Given you say ‘she sees him in a contact centre’ suggests this isn’t the first time at the contact centre. I really don’t think it the CC job to ensure the parents are made aware of any changes. Breaking the news ‘you can no longer take your child out’ shouldn’t be done by them or just before visitation. It’s not their rules.

If she hasn’t taken him out before, I am unsure why either of you assumed she could.

She always takes him out. We are fully aware she is allowed to take him out.

They always have to 'break news' as the social worker never communicates. It would just be nice if they broke that news at the stage that I could have made lunch and the little boy wasn't upset.

I'm so confused why everyone assumes she isn't allowed to take the little boy out! I said in the OP we were told we couldn't take him out that day. Not that we couldn't take him out ever. And why would I deliberately not make him lunch if we weren't allowed out with him?

OP posts:

MichelleScarn · 26/07/2023 20:48

What is your role @Hotandsunny ? Are you the mums advocate?

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:49

Simonjt · 26/07/2023 19:19

When did she book in an outdoor visit, outline where they were going etc?

When our son was using a contact centre, his birth mum had to book all outside visits, outline exactly where it would take place etc and would be supervised by a social worker (usually our sons).

We don't have to do this. She's allowed to take him out every session within the local area. It is supervised by the supervisor not a social worker.

OP posts:

Convincemebob · 26/07/2023 20:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:52

Usernameunknownfornow · 26/07/2023 19:22

Sounds like you are stating about yourself but using you as a support worker for the mother as a cover up tbh.

Show quote history

I'm not, but if I was so what? Doesn't change the answer? People who's children are in foster care are not monsters, I fail to see why I'd have to cover this up?

OP posts:

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:53

HaveSomeIntrospect · 26/07/2023 19:22

How many visits to the contact centre has mum had already?

I don't know exactly but she's been going twice a week for some months.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:54

UndercoverCop · 26/07/2023 19:24

@Convincemebob I had a MH team release a DA victim from section on weekend home release to her convicted abuser, on the condition only he was in control of all her medication including some with a very strong tranquilising effect, despite all other involved professionals being up in arms. I don't share your optimism

Same

OP posts:

TheFireflies · 26/07/2023 20:55

So what were the reasons given about why you couldn’t take him out as usual? Unless there is a change in the risk assessment - which of course should be clearly communicated - I can’t see why a social worker would make that decision, I wonder if it was more to do with staffing.

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:56

Canuckduck · 26/07/2023 19:29

I was previously a Social Worker and also worked at a contact centre. It sounds like this is either a change and should’ve been communicated by the Social Worker or is a staffing issue. It’s obviously not ideal and it’s fair you’ve asked for a call from the Social Worker.

Contact centre staff are trained to remain as neutral as possible and take an observer role. This may be what was seen as not caring. They are also overworked and the pay is usually terrible. I’d just leave it to be honest.

When I say complain I really don't mean complain about a particular staff member or be nasty. I just feel it could work so much better for everyone if these situations could be prevented. It can't be nice for the staff to have an upset mum and child.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hotandsunny · 26/07/2023 20:58

PreschoolMum4 · 26/07/2023 19:35

I work in a contact centre part time through an agency. Generally we turn up 15 mins before a session and are given all of the necessary information then. Chances are they told you at the earliest time they were aware.
Sometimes there are specific reasons why community contact has been paused which they will not be able to share.

They told us the reason and that they knew yesterday. They were fully aware when I rang in the morning.

OP posts:

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