Should contact centre care more?

[Hotandsunny]

I feel like making a complaint to a contact centre but I'd like to hear the opinion of those with more experience.

I support a lady who is suffering with her mental health at the moment. Her toddler DS was put into foster care and she sees him at a contact centre. Today we planned to take him to a cafe for lunch and then to the park.

We go into the room at the contact centre and mum says Let's get your shoes on we're going for some lunch and then to the park. He gets excited and then the supervisor says 'oh, you can't take him out today' We protest that we have no lunch for him and it's a hot, sunny day and we don't want him stuck in a small room for 3 hours. I ask why they didn't tell me when I rung in the morning to confirm contact or when his mum was waiting in the reception (she was 40 min early) meaning we could have sorted lunch and not told the little boy we were going out. They just said the social worker should have told us and I could buy him lunch from the corner shop. It's literally a tiny corner shop selling crisps, sweets and fizzy drinks kind of thing. Luckily I had brought some fruit as a snack, I bought some crisps and biscuits in the shop and that was his lunch. His mum was obviously upset but had to swallow it down so she could make the most of her time with her son. At the end of contact she puts him in a buggy to be taken out to transport. When she was putting him in the buggy he started getting excited, thinking finally we are going to the park. Once he realised that wasn't happening he got upset.

Now, of course the social worker should have told her. But the contact staff's attitude that they couldn't care less really got to me. Would it really have been so hard for them to check we knew so we brought lunch. Could they not have said something before we went into the room just to prevent upset of mum in front of the child as well as upset of the child being told something that couldn't happen. At the end of the day social workers are notoriously overworked and communication suffers, it's not right but should they not put the child's welfare first and make sure these things are known rather than end up in the situation as described.

If you fail to communicate something to them all hell breaks loose but the other way round they refuse to take any responsibility.

By the way, I'm not saying the social worker isn't ultimately responsible for this, she absolutely is and I've messaged her about it and asked her to contact me. I just feel it's a shame the people on the frontline can't work in a cooperative way for the sake of the children.

YABU - don't make a complaint this is the social workers fault only.
YANBU - the contact centre should have some concern for how these things affect the children and communicate with parents

Quite.

You will find the IRO team through your local SW team site (always cracks me up that they’re meant to be independent but they sit alongside and are salaried to the LA). If I were you, I would continue to encourage mum to provide a healthy snack/lunch for each session in future as better to have food wasted than none provided because, as you know, everything is minuted and reported by the supervising contact worker. I would also suggest that mum brings a couple of age-appropriate activities to each session or you can help her by taking her by taking her to a charity shop and buying a couple of books and small toys that she can have to entertain her kiddo if they are stuck indoors again.

Yes, Children's services is a mystery to be sure! We'll make sure not to make the mistake of not having lunch for him again. Mum has actually just started sorting through her DS's books and toys with the plan to bring some along.

Bit off topic, but with all due respect @Hotandsunny you shouldn’t be the one preparing lunch for the child. That should be the parent’s responsibility. Presuming that if the parent has a legal aid solicitor, then they are still in care proceedings, therefore these contact sessions should be used by the parent to evidence their capacity to meet their child’s needs. A volunteer doing this for them is not helping.

Did you mention the plan to take him out when you spoke to the centre in the morning? Did the mum mention it when she got there 40 mins early or you when you got there? It would seem sensible to run through with the centre the plan for the session before telling the child. So if you didn't then I don't think it is solely the social worker at fault.

And I don't think you have a complaint against the centre staff either way. Its not their fault you were not told and they couldn't exactly let you go just because you had told the child. They had to say you couldn't go out, how did you want them to say it?

That sounds very positive, well done for supporting mum. Does BM have a relationship with the foster carer and a ‘contact’ ( that word again) book so messages can be exchanged about who is bringing what to each session? Honestly, I don’t know anything about your client’s circumstances, but if you and her legal team think that she has a fighting chance of getting her child back and you truly all believe that such a plan would be in the best interests of the child, then you really need to help her to step up because every little thing she does or doesn’t do will be written down and used in evidence against her in court. And I write as the adoptive parent of two children by default because their birth parents just weren’t able or willing to step up. But separation from birth families is the worst of all worlds.

It sounds like you do have a lot of responsibility, you are heavily involved with a vulnerable adult and child - something could be disclosed to you, or you are in a position close to the mother where you may pick up on concerning comments or behaviour.

You’re close enough to the situation to be organising lunch and calling the centre, know details of the plan etc. whether it’s par for the course or not I do think it’s concerning that there doesn’t appear to be anyone you can discuss concerns or queries with. You have no idea if people commenting know what they’re talking about or not, people can make up anything on the internet. Without knowing full details or does sound like there could be boundary issues E.g posting on an internet forum about it, taking responsibility for lunch etc.

Anyway will agree to disagree and bow out now

Why do so many people keep saying there is no way the mum would be able to take the child out of the contact centre, despite the information OP has provided? "Supervised contact" can take place in a contact centre, in the community, in the parent's home or in a mixture of these settings, as specified by the social worker. (I worked as a contact supervisor for 6 years).

The OP is supporting the mother to attend the contact - she doesn't have any responsibility for the child. What's more it would be nice if there was professional support for parents in this position but unfortunately our country does not provide that hence why volunteers do it. Also there are no identifying details. A mum with a son in foster care could be anyone. The thread is about the technicalities relating to the contact centre it's nothing to do with the mum or child other than they happened to be the ones there when this happened. Why do people like to get so worked up and make up random details?

We are increasing things gradually. All ok'd by all involved.

There has never been a requirement to run anything by the centre before. She takes him out most sessions, it is understood this could be the case every session. If the SW makes a change to this she needs to tell mum.

It wasn't how I wanted them to say it, it was when

She doesn't have a relationship with her. The foster carer was reluctant apparently, though noone seems to know why. There is a contact book but it's not really used much currently. Hopefully this can be improved.

Contact centres are absolutely shit. There is always a complete breakdown of the most important information. The stories I could tell you. You and the mum were absolutely right and I feel sorry for that little boy.

I have no idea. I've given information enough to get the information I'm looking for and had many helpful responses. People like to start digging up other issues when I haven't given the details to discuss these nor will I other than to say it's all ok.

I just wish his best interests could be front and centre!

I don’t think many people understand the extremely low level of functioning among some parents. They are starting from zero - obviously, or it’s unlikely their children would have been removed in the first place. Building things up in small steps with lots of scaffolding is as much as some can cope with.

That does even make sense.

At the point they realised she didn’t know they had to tell her. But it wasn’t their job to tell her in first place. It was their job to ensure it was stuck to.

It’s sounds like you think they should have let her take him out, because they didn’t tell her. Once they realised she didn’t know, they couldn’t just let her take him anyway.

Op agree with @PinkFrogss and others re your level of involvement, from updates can now see that you and she think everyone else, the sw, contact centre and foster parent are all a bit shit and not operating as you and she want? Is this the most helpful approach for her?

Doesn’t*

It depends on the type of contact order. Parents absolutely can take the child they are having contact with out of the centre if the order allows it. I’ve seen it happen under supervised conditions as well, where a contact centre supervisor will accompany the parent and child to have contact outside the contact centre.

@Convincemebob so what if she has little experience and this was her first volunteer position? Would it be better that mum had no support or advocate?
Would it be better that mum had a qualified and salaried family support/mental health/social worker? Absolutely. unfortunately the current situation is that most of our social support systems are woefully underfunded and staffed and are propped up on goodwill and volunteers.

I’m just confused why you can’t ask the social worker. Surely you can just send a quick email to say yesterday I supported mum to have family time with child x. She wanted to take him to the park but was refused and they said it was because of changes to the rules but we weren’t aware of this. are you able to help us.

as a social worker I would be really annoyed if in the first instance no one even asked! Chances are I wouldn’t even know. For all you know the family time team were never meant to go to the park and have only just realised.

@Heartshappedsunglasses the op has already said that contact was suspended by the social worker for the week due to fathers behaviour (? Threats) and this hadn’t been communicated to the mother/op prior to the visit

@Wishiwasatailor ah I see, thanks, I must have jumped to the end. That makes a lot of sense although.
i think then the advice I would give is that there is a a valid reason. Reading between the lines the concern is that dad knows where mums contact is, they are concerned about his behaviour and mum not being able to keep him safe so to avoid this the decision was made.
it sounds like mum managed the situation well and that will be reflected in the recordings. Being able to manage challenges, think on your feet is helpful, so whilst it’s frustrating get her to see the positive. Equally managing a child in a small room is a skill, it’s easy to do family time in the park, but engaging with toys, etc. that’s actual parenting and if mum wants her child back then opportunities to show how she can play, extend language through development is key. I love having family time in the park and it has its place but in a small space the family time worker can hear what is said , really comment on the relationship. Alternatively if you disagree raise it through her solicitor if relationship with the social work is difficult.