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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being AIBU not wanting brother to visit with his kids?

146 replies

Chocolatelover87 · 26/07/2023 16:19

So my brother has two kids aged 7 and 13.

We live an hour apart and they don’t visit often but on the last two occasions there have been some issues.

The kids will often just wonder in all the bedrooms and go through all my things, they run riot around the house and the 7 year old broke two of my cats toys.

The house was almost flooded as one of the toilets is severely blocked ( the kids wouldn’t of known this ) but I thought thought they they would of used the toilet first seeing as it is an en-suite in my bedroom.

I find the visits very stressful because the parents don’t seem to discipline the kids and afterwards the kids will leave a huge mess leaving me to clean up after them and I have to keep watching the 7 year old as he is very naughty and loves breaking things.

I don’t particularly like my SIL as she is quite rude and bit of a stirrer.

My brother and his wife have just invited themselves over and I’m not sure if I should just make an excuse or address the issues but this is the 3rd time they have invited themselves over and I have made an excuse.

My brother and SIL also never invite me or my sister to there house and all these meetings seem to be at my house which I think is a bit unfair.

OP posts:
Keykaty · 26/07/2023 16:22

Meet them in MacDonalds or somewhere, you are having stuff done in the house.

Nevenka · 26/07/2023 16:24

Say no to them. Your home is your space. Meet up with them elsewhere if they want to visit. No one should come to your house and make you feel uncomfortable, stressed and leave a huge mess.

RoseslnTheHospital · 26/07/2023 16:25

I agree with the PP, say that meeting at your house doesn't work right now and that instead you could meet up at (name a family friendly place that also suits you). I would suggest somewhere about half way between where you both live so the journey time is equitable for both sets of people.

takealettermsjones · 26/07/2023 16:27

Assuming you do want to see your DB and SIL, I think you have three options.

  1. Let them come over but watch the kids. Shut/block door to upstairs and make sure they're in the same room as you and occupying themselves.
  1. Say, "it's your turn to host! Let us know what date works for you."
  1. Tell your brother that his kids keep breaking/damaging things in your house and you can only have them over if he watches the kids appropriately and prevents/pays for any damage.
TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/07/2023 16:27

"Let's meet at pizza express".

takealettermsjones · 26/07/2023 16:29

Sorry, I've assumed it was for longer visits (days) and so discounted meeting in a public place! But yes, that's option 4 😆

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/07/2023 16:31

Yeah I’d either say “I’ll come to you” or “let’s meet at X”. Don’t give an option of them coming to your house!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/07/2023 16:32

7 is old enough to know better than to run amok like that

ManateeFair · 26/07/2023 16:33

I would point out to your brother very clearly that he never invites you to his house so it's probably his turn to host.

OhComeOnFFS · 26/07/2023 16:34

"Great, we'll come to you this time"

or

"Great, we'll meet in McDonalds"

LobsterCrab · 26/07/2023 16:34

Say "our turn to travel to you this time"!

Poorlymumma · 26/07/2023 16:35

At 13 and 7 you should be able to tell them your bedroom is out of bounds, and ask them to be careful with your things. I have a 6 year old and have asked his friend to get out of my bedroom before and not jump on the sofa, with the parents here. It was a light and breezy "ooh no we don't jump on the sofa please" , no need to shout.
I'd expect a 7 year old to generate a little bit of mess, (toys/books on the floor that I'd clean up after a playdate) but that's it!

girlfriend44 · 26/07/2023 16:41

weird post,

cant you tell them not to go in your bedroom etc, if the parents dont its your house.

Why do you let them keep coming, if you want to go there just say well come to you for a change.

Sounds like you dont really like them anyway.

Original poster
Chocolatelover87 · 26/07/2023 16:49

I have told the kids many times not to go into my bedroom but they don’t listen and I don’t feel comfortable telling the kids off.

The parents are well aware of the problems but SIL dosent seem bothered.

They will leave food/ plates all over the floor.

I think I am probably just better of suggesting meeting at my parents house which is 10 mins away from where my brother lives.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2023 16:51

Why aren't you telling those kids to knock it off? It's your house, enforce your rules.

BrawnWild · 26/07/2023 16:55

Say you are already in their neck of the woods that day so will meet them at X.

Also, get comfortable telling other peoples kids off. It's your house.

HateMyselfToo · 26/07/2023 17:00

"Let's meet halfway to save you a long drive, plus my place isn't child-proofed."

If they say anything about not needing to be then you can raise the issues.

Sarah180818 · 26/07/2023 17:03

Suggest a picnic out somewhere. Kids can run around without destroying your house

Goldbar · 26/07/2023 17:26

I'd be tempted to be honest. "Sorry, do you mind if we go to Pizza Express? I'd rather it was them claiming on their insurance after your kids have been let loose in the place, not me 😂".

changeyerheadworzel · 26/07/2023 17:27

Not a chance would I host them, pick a place, somewhere neutral and they can run riot there. DO not put up with that in your own home!

gamerchick · 26/07/2023 17:40

Come on OP. Big girl pants. Tell them you'll meet them elsewhere. Or have the row about the kids being feral and it'll sort itself out. Tell the kids off and get lockable doorknobs for all the doors you dont want them in.

Personally I'd have the row.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/07/2023 17:42

Grow some fucking gumption and tell the adults no.

"No more visits to mine as you cannot keep your kids from trashing the place. Happy to meet you out somwhere"

Thosepeskyseagulls · 26/07/2023 17:44

My brother and his wife have just invited themselves over

My brother and SIL also never invite me or my sister to there house

Invite yourself over to theirs instead.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/07/2023 17:52

"My brother and his wife have just invited themselves over and I’m not sure if I should just make an excuse or address the issues but this is the 3rd time they have invited themselves over and I have made an excuse.

My brother and SIL also never invite me or my sister to there house and all these meetings seem to be at my house which I think is a bit unfair."

Put them off coming to yours and invite yourself to theirs.

And tell them bluntly that you don't want their kids in your house again because they, the adults, do not keep control of their offspring.

If they take a huff, that's a win.

ChubbyMorticia · 26/07/2023 18:01

“That doesn’t work for me. I don’t enjoy having my things broken and house a mess after you’ve been.”

Or you could leave it after the first sentence. Up to you.