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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let them in the tent

300 replies

PinkStarAtNight · 25/07/2023 16:53

So this is kind of lighthearted, its not an argument but I'm just wondering what others would do...

So my BF, myself and our couple friends are planning a weekend at the beach this weekend. I'm worried about the weather as the forecast says wind and rain, but it doesn't look like its going to get much better throughout August so the consensus is that we should just go this weekend and make the best of it. Hotel booked.

I suggested buying one of those pop up beach tents so that if it rains we could get under that until it stops. I said to BF that we could split the cost. BF said he doesn't want to do that, because then who would own the tent? (we don't live together) so he thinks it will be complicated and besides he doesn't think we need a tent anyway, he said if it rains we'll just go into the arcade or something. I said that would mean moving all the stuff off the beach and the rain might only last for 15 mins/half an hour as it says intervals of rain...we're planning to spend all day on the beach for two days so I really want a tent just to bob under if it gets rainy.

I haven't asked our couple friends but I doubt they'll agree to share the cost as they're a bit like BF and will say its an unnecessary cost, we don't need it etc, they're quite tight with money as is BF.

So, I'm looking at tents on Amazon and thinking of just buying one for myself. There's different sizes for 2 people, 4 people etc all at different prices. It can go up to £50 or more if you want a family one to fit 4 people in.

Now I just KNOW that if I buy and take along the tent and it starts raining, they're all going to get into it aren't they? Of course they are, if its there. So I'm thinking should I get a 4 person one? Or should I get a smaller, cheaper 2 person one and risk it being a real squish when they all try to chamber in with me when the heavens open.

Although I'll be the one who fully owns it afterwards, it will mildly annoy me if they all get in but didn't want to pay towards it. And I'm not sure how I feel about paying more money for a 4 person one to make room for them when they're not paying towards it. I could just get a small one that's just big enough for me, but then they might all squish in with me and that will be annoying.

So, WWYD? Would you buy the tent and say to them that its yours and they're not getting in because they didn't pay towards it? Or would you cover the cost yourself, for a 4 person one, and let them share even though they're not paying?

I know this is a first world problem and I'm not making an argument with anyone over it, I'm just quietly wondering whether or not to share the tent and wondered what others would do in this situation. Am I being really petty by wanting to say that its my tent and just for me because they don't want to pay towards it?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
LizzieSiddal · 26/07/2023 11:25

I just have a feeling they'll end up all getting in and benefitting from it, which will piss me off if they've said they don't want to pay because 'we don't need a tent'...

You're really not focusing on the right thing which is that you shouldn’t be going on this break with two people who take the piss out of you and your bf. Get a back bone and tell them to sod off then go and enjoy a break with your bf.

LeolaGy · 26/07/2023 12:11

I understand your frustrations OP, but I think the tent is not the bigger issue! It’s a build up of all the crappy things they’ve done and now you’ve had enough. But can you honestly imagine yourself getting inside a tent if it rains and barring them entry?? I think we know in real life that wouldn’t happen, I mean your BF had to put a pizza out of her reach to stop her getting it!
i think just cut your losses with the tent and get one if you think it will make your holiday better, if they get in they get in, like others said, this ain’t the hill to die on! The main issue is how they are treating you both as a whole, and if you can’t get out of this trip with them then make it the last.
Also I can’t imagine my friends just inviting themselves on a weekend away I have planned with my husband, and would never do that to someone else either! Very cheeky

KSJR · 26/07/2023 12:35

Is this a joke 😂

Original poster
PinkStarAtNight · 26/07/2023 12:44

So, update: I decided to actually ask the couple if they think a tent would be a good idea, and if they want to share the cost of a big one for 4 people. I said if they're not bothered about a tent I will just get a small 1 person.

They replied saying they think a tent is a great idea, they are happy to split the cost of a pop up one but they actually have a tent that they can bring and don't mind putting up. So that's what we're doing.

They agreed with me that tent will be useful for eating lunch away from seagulls and if it rains for ten mins we can hop in and wait it out. It seems they are on same page as me about wanting to stay on the beach even if it rains.

BF might be going off to the arcade by himself if he doesn't want to stay in the rain 😂

BF and I have agreed that we will stay strong this weekend and be firm in not overpaying for things etc...they booked the hotel but, but you pay when there and we have had a clear conversation about prices so hoping not to be ripped off for that. We are taking lunch for the beach and plan to eat out somewhere v v cheap for dinner, probably just a Wetherspoons or something where you just order/pay for yourself so fingers crossed there will be no opportunity for them overcharging for anything and we can enjoy the beach. I'll try remember to update afterwards as some have asked.

OP posts:
Rooroo42 · 26/07/2023 14:19

When I go for a day out with friends I think what can I take to make it more enjoyable for everyone. I have bought one of these pop up tents before thinking it would be really handy for the little ones to get changed in play in etc (my friends children are allowed in it too!), bought initially for a bbq at a park with friends it’s been since used on a number of occasions and now been passed onto my cousin to use for his young family, I wouldn’t of dreamed of saying someone else couldn’t use it. Likewise my friends have brought with them things they will think will be useful, we combine everything and have a nice time. If you want a tent because you think it will make the day better then buy a tent, I am sure you will use it again and if not if you made the beach day more enjoyable for you and your friends then it’s a small price to pay really. I’d imagine though if the weather really is grotty then no one will want to sit in a crap tent on the beach in the rain, they’ll pack up and do something enjoyable.

Miaminmoo · 26/07/2023 16:15

Buy one and then if it rains you can charge them to sit in it 😜

GoodChat · 26/07/2023 17:58

They replied saying they think a tent is a great idea, they are happy to split the cost of a pop up one but they actually have a tent that they can bring and don't mind putting up. So that's what we're doing.

They're 100% bringing a full on camping tent Grin

ASimpleLampoon · 26/07/2023 18:11

Let them get n but charge an entrance fee

Original poster
PinkStarAtNight · 26/07/2023 18:14

GoodChat · 26/07/2023 17:58

They replied saying they think a tent is a great idea, they are happy to split the cost of a pop up one but they actually have a tent that they can bring and don't mind putting up. So that's what we're doing.

They're 100% bringing a full on camping tent Grin

That's fine with me because I clearly said that I will be of no use in putting up a tent, thats why I was looking into buying a pop up and their response was that they know how to put it up and are happy to do it. I'll sit there with my G&T while they do that.

OP posts:
BadNomad · 26/07/2023 18:15

I can just see it now. They're going to turn up with a 4-man, two bedroom, 15 kg camping tent with pegs, mallet and sandbags. And expect you and your BF to carry it and erect it, seeing as they're the ones saving you money.

RatherBeMutton · 26/07/2023 18:21

And if they charge you an entrance fee/ask that you contribute to the cost before letting you in, are they being unreasonable?

Growlybear83 · 26/07/2023 18:23

I think the tent business sounds incredibly petty. But I can't get beyond the idea of making it sound normal to have chips with a pizza! 😮😮

Mama2910 · 26/07/2023 18:35

I’d get a teeny wee pop up kids tent big enough for one person 😂

Batalax · 26/07/2023 18:35

Good outcome.

GrinAndVomit · 26/07/2023 19:07

PinkStarAtNight · 26/07/2023 18:14

That's fine with me because I clearly said that I will be of no use in putting up a tent, thats why I was looking into buying a pop up and their response was that they know how to put it up and are happy to do it. I'll sit there with my G&T while they do that.

Show quote history

Why are you expecting to be able to use their tent? You weren’t going to let them or your boyfriend. You still think your boyfriend shouldn’t.

QueSyrahSyrah · 26/07/2023 19:30

Brace yourselves for paying for their dinner, in return for sharing their tent.

It's only fair given you were begrudging sharing your imaginary tent with them without any contribution.

Pandorapitstop · 26/07/2023 19:37

If it's raining, or rain is forecast, it's not a beach day!
No need to buy a tent.

Oceanus · 26/07/2023 19:41

Needmorelego · 25/07/2023 16:55

Just take some umbrellas.
Less drama.

😂😂😂
Wise up OP, don't go buying things with people whom you aren't sure are going to be in your life for a very long time unless you can break them in half when the relationship ends. That goes for most things: houses, caravans, cars, rugs, tents... Boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, acquaintances, flatmates.

Lovetoplan · 26/07/2023 20:24

How about you buy it and sell it again afterwards so reduce the cost? You will clearly be more comfortable having one and a small cost for your own comfort might be worth it. I would get the bigger one too.

GoodChat · 26/07/2023 20:38

Pandorapitstop · 26/07/2023 19:37

If it's raining, or rain is forecast, it's not a beach day!
No need to buy a tent.

It's always a beach day if you have the time and opportunity.

Sennelier1 · 26/07/2023 20:40

Don't they sell those one-person hooded changing covers in a waterproof version? Might be the solution for you!

GoodEnough1 · 26/07/2023 20:57

i think you’re not being unreasonable on the basis it’s like getting a bag of crisps in the pub when nobody else “wants” any. You can bet your bottom dollar you will end up having only a quarter of a bag.

Original poster
PinkStarAtNight · 26/07/2023 21:03

@RatherBeMutton @GrinAndVomit @QueSyrahSyrah

And if they charge you an entrance fee/ask that you contribute to the cost before letting you in, are they being unreasonable?

Why are you expecting to be able to use their tent? You weren’t going to let them oryour boyfriend. You still think your boyfriend shouldn’t.

Brace yourselves for paying for their dinner, in return for sharing their tent.
It's only fair given you were begrudging sharing your imaginary tent with them without any contribution.

There's always some 🙄

The difference is that I don't already own a tent so was going to buy a new one specifically for this purpose. Of course, if I had already had a tent lying around that I already owned I would just take it along and we could all use it, because why not? I would have bought it previously and would now just have it. It makes sense to share what you already have. But, if I don't already have something and will need to pay out money for it, for a particular purpose that others will also be a part of and they will benefit from my purchase then they should contribute...I really didn't think that was such a weird concept.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkStarAtNight · 26/07/2023 21:11

GoodEnough1 · 26/07/2023 20:57

i think you’re not being unreasonable on the basis it’s like getting a bag of crisps in the pub when nobody else “wants” any. You can bet your bottom dollar you will end up having only a quarter of a bag.

Also this! To add to my above reply...it was the principle of BF saying he doesn't want to pay towards a tent because he doesn't want it, doesn't see the need for it...but I KNEW he'd be in there with me once we were on the beach, probably saying 'hey you were right, this was a good idea!' I can predict this because I know him well. He's not a bad person, or a bad BF. It's just the way he is. If it were just between me and him I would have just bought the tent, jokingly refused entry when he wanted to get in and then probably got him to pay for my (very cheap) dinner or something. It was the fact that others were going to be involved that made it more complicated.

To be fair, I was in the wrong here because I let my BF speak for our friends. I assumed that they would say the same as him and then do the very same thing I imagined him doing, so judged them in advance without asking. This thread prompted me to actually ask them, which resulted in them saying they thought a tent was a great idea and they would happily pay towards one if I really wanted to get a pop up, but that they have a tent already that they're willing to bring along and put up themselves...so, lesson learned. In future I won't assume what people might say/think and will just ask them 😊

OP posts:
Shona52 · 26/07/2023 21:13

Charge 50% admission fee to you BF when the time comes when he needs to come in for cover