Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let them in the tent

300 replies

PinkStarAtNight · 25/07/2023 16:53

So this is kind of lighthearted, its not an argument but I'm just wondering what others would do...

So my BF, myself and our couple friends are planning a weekend at the beach this weekend. I'm worried about the weather as the forecast says wind and rain, but it doesn't look like its going to get much better throughout August so the consensus is that we should just go this weekend and make the best of it. Hotel booked.

I suggested buying one of those pop up beach tents so that if it rains we could get under that until it stops. I said to BF that we could split the cost. BF said he doesn't want to do that, because then who would own the tent? (we don't live together) so he thinks it will be complicated and besides he doesn't think we need a tent anyway, he said if it rains we'll just go into the arcade or something. I said that would mean moving all the stuff off the beach and the rain might only last for 15 mins/half an hour as it says intervals of rain...we're planning to spend all day on the beach for two days so I really want a tent just to bob under if it gets rainy.

I haven't asked our couple friends but I doubt they'll agree to share the cost as they're a bit like BF and will say its an unnecessary cost, we don't need it etc, they're quite tight with money as is BF.

So, I'm looking at tents on Amazon and thinking of just buying one for myself. There's different sizes for 2 people, 4 people etc all at different prices. It can go up to £50 or more if you want a family one to fit 4 people in.

Now I just KNOW that if I buy and take along the tent and it starts raining, they're all going to get into it aren't they? Of course they are, if its there. So I'm thinking should I get a 4 person one? Or should I get a smaller, cheaper 2 person one and risk it being a real squish when they all try to chamber in with me when the heavens open.

Although I'll be the one who fully owns it afterwards, it will mildly annoy me if they all get in but didn't want to pay towards it. And I'm not sure how I feel about paying more money for a 4 person one to make room for them when they're not paying towards it. I could just get a small one that's just big enough for me, but then they might all squish in with me and that will be annoying.

So, WWYD? Would you buy the tent and say to them that its yours and they're not getting in because they didn't pay towards it? Or would you cover the cost yourself, for a 4 person one, and let them share even though they're not paying?

I know this is a first world problem and I'm not making an argument with anyone over it, I'm just quietly wondering whether or not to share the tent and wondered what others would do in this situation. Am I being really petty by wanting to say that its my tent and just for me because they don't want to pay towards it?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Shallana · 25/07/2023 23:15

Why don't you just tell them that you've changed your minds about the beach, it's forecast wind and rain, and you've decided to just have a weekend in. Then just you and your boyfriend go. No reason for them to find out, and if they do, then it doesn't sound like you'd be very bothered about upsetting them anyway. They don't sound like people I'd want to spend the weekend with.

Misty84 · 25/07/2023 23:17

The peppers on the pizza debacle is my favourite thing about this thread!😂
Please update us after your weekend OP, as I’d love to hear how tentgate goes!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 25/07/2023 23:27

Christ, that sounds far too much like hard work.

Buy a dryrobe. Then you're warm and dry whilst every other fucker is bitching about being cold and wet and steaming gently when they finally get to stand at a crowded bar whilst you wander off in the opposite direction as far away as possible from the lot of them.

Shodan · 25/07/2023 23:29

I like Shallana's plan best, but if you do end up going, buy the sodding tent. I would rather sit in a tent in the rain with a good book, some nice food and drink that go and 'have fun' in an arcade. Arcades are incredibly boring.

And when you come home, ditch all three of them. Tight gits.

ThinWomansBrain · 25/07/2023 23:32

charge an entry fee - make your money back.

WandaWonder · 25/07/2023 23:34

Deathbyfluffy · 25/07/2023 23:02

Enjoy the beach, then find a pub if it rains.

Why are the shorter posts always so spot on!

Danielle9891 · 25/07/2023 23:53

I'd just buy one for yourself, i bought a cheap beach tent from Asda George for £16. It folds up really small and fits under my daughters pram. Easy to put up too with just 3 poles.

Original poster
PinkStarAtNight · 25/07/2023 23:53

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/07/2023 22:55

We holiday in the UK and always take a pop up festival tent.

We always get funny looks on the beach the first day but by day 3 the beach is always full of them, you see people walking out of the two main camping shops with them!

We do it for two reasons. One, the main one, is that it is safer for eating lunch. If you are out in theopen the seagulls will dive bomb and nick your food right out of your hands. Eating in the tent stops this. The second is the weather. A ten minute shower is fine just sitting the tent, and it usually stops just as everyone else has managed to pack up all their stuff to leave.

Other benefits are that it keeps bags etc safer than having them lying around where they could easily be pinched if you lose concentration for a moment, easily done especially if you have kids. And privacy for changing clothes without having to do the towel fandango!

Finally, someone who's on my wavelength.

Especially this bit:
The second is the weather. A ten minute shower is fine just sitting the tent, and it usually stops just as everyone else has managed to pack up all their stuff to leave.

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 26/07/2023 00:14

Pufflebow · 25/07/2023 17:26

BF said he doesn't want to do that, because then who would own the tent? (we don't live together) so he thinks it will be complicated

Buy a tent don’t buy a tent (I wouldn’t)
But the biggest thing here is that your bf can’t commit to the complications of 50/50 custody of a £20 tent with you.

Yes, I agree with this!

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/07/2023 00:38

@PinkStarAtNight

On the off chance that you will be in N. Wales in a couple of weeks.......so will I and if you are in the same place as us you will be very welcome to share our tent, which is big enough for me, my sister, my dd and just ONE other person......Wink

sykadelic · 26/07/2023 00:58

The problem isn't the tent, it's boundaries.

A. You buy the tent - they're going to want in. Based on your updates they're basically going to force their way in, call you "tight" etc etc and basically just ruin the trip.

B. You don't buy the tent - you're going to be irritated when it rains and wish you'd bought the tent, and then you'll go somewhere the costs money, that they didn't budget for, and it'll be an argument about you buying them x, y, & z.

C. Msg them and tell them that plans have changed and it's a couples event only. OR that you've decided not to do it at all

Or my personal preference, D: Resolve this situation once and for all.

E.g. Meet up with them and express your upset at the way they act "Just because we don't constantly talk about being skint doesn't mean we're rich or have money to just throw away. You always expect us to share but it isn't reciprocated. You've overcharged us for X, Y, Z, and to be frank, we don't trust you anymore when it comes to money. I think it's time we took a step back from each other"

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/07/2023 01:25

@sykadelic Boundaries? Ah, well thats where she needs wind breaks. Firstly because she can guard her tent but secondly, because you need a mallet.....nuff said!

But seriously, you are right, I think that option D is the only way to go. And they will take HUGE umbridge and never speak to the OP again so thats a win. So all she has to deal with then is a boyfriend who is so tight he would rather get wet than "share custody" of a twenty quid pop up beach shelter.

I would dump him, buy the tent and go and drink wine in it on the beach which is, btw, a wonderful way to spend a rainy period. It feels quite decadent!

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 26/07/2023 03:46

AngelinaFibres · 25/07/2023 21:35

Actually the friends will put all their stuff in the tent, followed by themselves. They will then get Op and her boyfriend to sit under the dripping outer canopy whilst they eat the lunch Op has brought ,because they didn't have time / cba to shop and prepare anything.

Show quote history

💯

OP text them, tell them you're done being friends and block their numbers. This is the only thing people like this understand. If you get a tiny tent they will get in it with you. If you go to the pub or an arcade they'll expect you to pay because they've no money on their card again. End things and block them.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 26/07/2023 04:07

They will get in regardless of what you say, and if it’s small you may not have a space. Don’t buy one just bring an umbrella and a rain racket.

sashh · 26/07/2023 05:33

Just one problem OP

Beach tents are to give you shade on the beach, they are not waterproof.

PistachioGelato · 26/07/2023 06:48

Jeezus 🙈

SkankingWombat · 26/07/2023 07:36
  1. Tell 'friends' the trip is cancelled due to less-than-perfect weather. Go any way and count it as a bonus if they find out after the event (they might get the hint, but I doubt it)
  1. If you can't bring yourself to end the 'friendship' by a message/in person (BTW, in case it isn't clear, these people are not your friends), just take the cowardly option and ghost them.
  1. Get the tent. Get a big one. They are really useful generally - they are great for shade, eating in peace from seagulls, storing your things and any sleeping children, and getting changed. You want a big one so you can use it to change more easily. I like to furnish mine with the picnic blanket and a small low-level camping table I got from Go Outdoors (it's about £12). Ours has also been used at music festivals, huge family get together BBQs at a park, in the garden as a play tent, and whilst camping to store the outside toys between uses.
  1. Reassess your choice of BF. He might not be as tight as your 'friends', but he's still tight. Not only is it a very unattractive quality, it is a recipe for disaster during maternity leave/if you go part time down the line after having DCs. And as per a PP, he also is not in the slightest committed to you if he's unwilling to risk losing £25 should you break up and you get custody of the beach tent!
SkankingWombat · 26/07/2023 07:37

sashh · 26/07/2023 05:33

Just one problem OP

Beach tents are to give you shade on the beach, they are not waterproof.

Mine is!

MakkaPakkasMuvva · 26/07/2023 07:45

Get one of these! Best 50 quid I ever spent. The sand bags stretch out really far so no one can come and pitch up right next to you. Its also easy to spot on a beach filled with hundreds of tents.

To not let them in the tent
booksandbrooks · 26/07/2023 07:54

I'd take a tent big enough to share and let them in. I'd try and get one second hand or borrow one though. A 3 man would be fine as it's judged by lying down, not sitting up.

Issues are: I'd love to be in a tent on the beach in the rain (bring a pack of cards) but some of my companions would think that was fresh hell and rather head indoors so it could be a lot of lugging for little gain.

Also set up, pop ups are easy to get up but a bastard to get down. Inflatables are expensive and very heavy. Poles are fine but if people want to stroll together to another area it's an added faff, especially in the rain.

Are you going in a car as a decent sized tent can be a lot to carry.

You shouldn't pack a tent away wet really, do you have a garden or somewhere you can re pitch it to dry it out?
I met someone camping last year who was only at the site with the purpose of drying and airing his tent - it was massive though.

Sprogonthetyne · 26/07/2023 08:14

I think sitting in a big tent, chatting to friends is going to be more fun then sitting in a small one alone while they all go to a cafe/arcade.

GoodChat · 26/07/2023 08:18

MakkaPakkasMuvva · 26/07/2023 07:45

Get one of these! Best 50 quid I ever spent. The sand bags stretch out really far so no one can come and pitch up right next to you. Its also easy to spot on a beach filled with hundreds of tents.

But how does that shield you from the rain?

Original poster
PinkStarAtNight · 26/07/2023 10:31

I don't think the issue is that BF is worried about losing £25 if we break up/not wanting to commit to joint ownership. I think its more that he doesn't feel the need or want for a tent so his reasoning is why should he pay towards it. We have gone halves on lots of things that we've both agreed we want or need. I think him saying 'who would own it?' was just another 'add on' reason for not getting it rather than his main reason, iyswim?

My thinking was just that yes in this moment he's saying 'we don't need a tent so I'm not paying towards it' but if I get one and put it up and it rains, I was thinking he's obviously going to hop in and use it, because who wouldn't?

But, many people have said that he/the friends won't want to get in the tent and will be abandoning me for the arcade, which is absolutely fine by me. If they genuinely have no interest in a tent and will not be using it then of course they don't need to share the cost.

I just have a feeling they'll end up all getting in and benefitting from it, which will piss me off if they've said they don't want to pay because 'we don't need a tent'...

OP posts:
SunRainStorm · 26/07/2023 10:41

PinkStarAtNight · 26/07/2023 10:31

I don't think the issue is that BF is worried about losing £25 if we break up/not wanting to commit to joint ownership. I think its more that he doesn't feel the need or want for a tent so his reasoning is why should he pay towards it. We have gone halves on lots of things that we've both agreed we want or need. I think him saying 'who would own it?' was just another 'add on' reason for not getting it rather than his main reason, iyswim?

My thinking was just that yes in this moment he's saying 'we don't need a tent so I'm not paying towards it' but if I get one and put it up and it rains, I was thinking he's obviously going to hop in and use it, because who wouldn't?

But, many people have said that he/the friends won't want to get in the tent and will be abandoning me for the arcade, which is absolutely fine by me. If they genuinely have no interest in a tent and will not be using it then of course they don't need to share the cost.

I just have a feeling they'll end up all getting in and benefitting from it, which will piss me off if they've said they don't want to pay because 'we don't need a tent'...

You're getting annoyed at them for something that hasn't even happened, and things they have only done in your imagination.

If you want a tent, get one. IF it rains, and IF they want to get in the tent, and IF you will feel taken advantage of by them doing that just say you'll happily share your tent in exchange for a drink at the pub later.

Batalax · 26/07/2023 10:59

If you buy a two man one, for goodness sake don’t let them all pile in. As soon as the sides are touched, it stops being waterproof. It just won’t work. Either buy a bigger one, or don’t let the other couple in for that reason.

They sound awful friends. Please update how the weekend goes.