People who ‘tell it like it is’

[BooksOnThePatio]

A few months ago there was a new hire at my workplace. She’s around my age and we seem to get on well. We became a lot closer over the months due to how closely we were working together and she’s getting on my bloody nerves!

She ‘tells it like it is’.

This means that she points out if I’ve got a dry patch of skin between my eyebrows or if I’ve got a small scratch on my face. She also tries to psychoanalyse me and will come up with some crap comment about how my opinion/behaviour ‘must be’ because of blank.

She is also big on how she’s extremely logical compared to everyone else. She constantly talks about how there is no point associating with anyone who doesn’t benefit you.

I’d go in in the morning and we’d get into a conversation about something we heard on the radio on the way here. If she was ‘losing’ the discussion when we stand on opposing ends of the issue, she’d then shut down the discussion and dismiss everything by saying ‘oh you won’t understand because you’re blank. I shouldn’t have bothered.’ She’s the one who started the conversation!

It’s a VERY casual, small workplace and chatting is common. She seems less abrasive to the other 3 members —they still get the ‘extremely logical’ comments but none of the tell-it-like-it-is ‘facts’ nor the stupid discussions that I let myself get dragged into because ~70% of the time I don’t mind the chat while I get my morning coffee.

Could write an essay but AIBU to think she’s sucking the joy out of what was a nice, friendly workplace? I used to love coming in — love the people, love the work, love the environment. But now I dread it.

I think you need to tell her how it is.

'Hey Julie, I don't like it when you comment on my skin/face/looks. Stop doing that please'.

I went to uni with a tell it like it is type, she memorably made someone cry with her thoughtlessness. She mellowed with age. Voicing My Opinion Is More Important Than Others Feelings is not an attractive trait.

She sounds tedious. I’d immediately stop any non-work related interaction. Be politely disinterested.

I would say "Do you know it's extremely rude to make personal remarks? I suggest you stop it". Hard stare.

You’re nicer no obligation to accept her commentary. Tell her to stop. Step right back from the conversations.

Blunt but polite is the way forward.

Or just shut down any non work conversation. I have had to do that with a new colleague. Took a little while but much less chat about personal things. It was either that or I would have lost the plot!

People who claim to 'tell it like it is' are simply using this as an excuse for rudeness, lack of tact and self approbation and, yes, as has been said upthread, it is a deeply unpleasant characteristic and definitely not one to be admired. And, usually, it stems from envy, jealousy, fear and ignorance

Nobody 'tells it like it is' - they tell it like they see it. - totally different.

Their 'truth' is no one else's truth.

It's an opinion - and not worth any more than anyone else's opinion.

Tell her that YOU tell it how it is - that she is entitled to her opinion but that is just what it is AND not an indisputable truth

"I tell it how it is" is rudeness dressed up as a virtue (honesty)

And they don't like it when they get a taste of their own medicine

Be polite and firm "please don't comment on my appearance. I don't like it". Be prepared for tears and claims that she didn't mean to offend

I'm unfortunate enough to know three separate 'tell it how it is' characters and I often wonder what would happen if they got into a debate with each other.

Well I tell it like it is but I'm self aware enough to know that what I say won't be even considered if I'm remotely rude about it. Please don't lump us all together.

The lady telling you about your appearance though is very rude. There is no need.

If anything you're referring to people with no self awareness. My mother in law has that but tells me I'm too blunt! Lol

She constantly talks about how there is no point associating with anyone who doesn’t benefit you.

Try telling her you don't want to associate with her because she doesn't benefit you ...

"I tell it like it is" aka "I say what I mean and I mean what I say" is a euphemism for "I have no filters, can't read the room and am not bothered if I upset someone".

Don't waste your time on this person. Just talk about work related and otherwise ignore. Not worth it.

People like this lack social graces. They can’t see how tedious they are.

I’d distance myself. You have to be polite because she’s a colleague, but stick to work chat or shallow topics.

People who tell it like it is are the same as people who “don’t suffer fools gladly”. They can dish it out but can very rarely take it.

I can’t stand people who tell it like it is or say what everyone else is thinking. It just means they’re opinionated and downright rude ime. Just tell her to that you don’t appreciate her comments on your appearance, you don’t have to put up with that sort of rubbish.

Those who claim to "tell it like it is' are also very quick to defend themselves.

There is a big difference between honest and constructive criticism and being personal and rude.

Seems like she lacks self awareness bit likes the sound of her own voice.

She constantly talks about how there is no point associating with anyone who doesn’t benefit you.

Take her advice and don't associate with her other than for work purposes.

Great advice on here!!! for you all

There is a easy way to deal with this, but it would take some brass neck.

"Look, JANET, I don't point out your wonky eyebrows, or that your BO can be overpowering on some days, or the fact that your holier than thou attitude annoys the living shit out of everyone here at times, so when it comes to my appearance, why don't you keep your "opinion" to yourself, do us all a favour, and shut the fuck up.

(feel free to add your own 'observations', anything that is actually true is an added bonus, make sure to use "air quote marks" on the word "opinion".

I did this once! I was already having a bad day I remember when she told me about the dry skin between my eyebrows. I asked her if she really had to point everything out, and she replied by saying that she was ‘just pointing out my observations. No need to be so sensitive it’s just simple facts.’ I left it at that. Any more and she’ll be telling me how she is so logical she will not be offended by FACTS.

Ask to borrow money from her. That should do the trick.

"Tell it like it is" is just code for rudeness and someone who is either uncaring to or unable to navigate social cues.

100% of the time they are someone to avoid. Generally just vile people. And definitely not someone to share personal anecdotes with because they will be used against you in the future.

"You've got a spot" "Says the supermodel". "You only said that because..." "What does it say about your psyche that you try to get in everyone else's heads so much, I'm going to look it up..."