People who ‘tell it like it is’

[BooksOnThePatio]

A few months ago there was a new hire at my workplace. She’s around my age and we seem to get on well. We became a lot closer over the months due to how closely we were working together and she’s getting on my bloody nerves!

She ‘tells it like it is’.

This means that she points out if I’ve got a dry patch of skin between my eyebrows or if I’ve got a small scratch on my face. She also tries to psychoanalyse me and will come up with some crap comment about how my opinion/behaviour ‘must be’ because of blank.

She is also big on how she’s extremely logical compared to everyone else. She constantly talks about how there is no point associating with anyone who doesn’t benefit you.

I’d go in in the morning and we’d get into a conversation about something we heard on the radio on the way here. If she was ‘losing’ the discussion when we stand on opposing ends of the issue, she’d then shut down the discussion and dismiss everything by saying ‘oh you won’t understand because you’re blank. I shouldn’t have bothered.’ She’s the one who started the conversation!

It’s a VERY casual, small workplace and chatting is common. She seems less abrasive to the other 3 members —they still get the ‘extremely logical’ comments but none of the tell-it-like-it-is ‘facts’ nor the stupid discussions that I let myself get dragged into because ~70% of the time I don’t mind the chat while I get my morning coffee.

Could write an essay but AIBU to think she’s sucking the joy out of what was a nice, friendly workplace? I used to love coming in — love the people, love the work, love the environment. But now I dread it.

Tell her it’s a fact that she’s a boor whose “observations” of trivial details of appearance are of no interest to anybody and mark her as having very poor work etiquette and probably derive from some deep trauma - “were you bullied at school or were you the school bully?”

@Mehmeh22 no you don't tell it like it is. You express your views on your perception. Don't be so arrogant. You are not a perfect arbiter and you are not as self aware as you think

She constantly talks about how there is no point associating with anyone who doesn’t benefit you.
She's very open then about how she see's you. Well, not only has she shown you who she is but you also have the benefit of having been told by her so believer her. And act on that. Keep it civil, keep it formal, keep her at arm's length and don't let her get too close or she'll get into your head.

*sees

I like people who are direct or opinionated, providing they don’t think theirs is the only opinion that matters and are capable of a coherent, polite, two-way conversation.

In my experience, tell it like it is people are usually knobheads with no thought for anyone but themselves and do not like being challenged. They think their (usually shitty) way of seeing things is right and everyone else is either wrong or just too scared to say what they really think. I can’t be arsed with them.

Crumble a bit of Valium in her tea. That would drive me nuts

Eh?

Just be blunt, sorry Flossie but the fact is that’s rude and walk away

do it each and every time

and stop chatting to her, sorry Flossie need to crack on today etc

People who claim to 'tell it like it is' are invariably the last people to 'tell it as it is'. They often have no insight, drone on for hours about shit and think they have superior intellect ( when they clearly don't). Tell her the shut the fuck up and get on with the job!

I once had a manager that would use the phrase - I’m just going to stop you right there, then tell the person why they should stop talking , my face is none of your concern. I’m just going to stop you right there, I don’t have the patience to listen to this right now.

I tell it like it is.. Aka.. I'm an arse hole that doesn't know, when to shut the fuck up.

"Sorry but I have to stop listening now".

And turn away.

Nod and smile, that's nice, yes I know thanks. Repeat on loop.

Don't tell her like it is back to her because she'll be the first in tears to HR.

This is what I would say about people like her too.

She sounds incredibly annoying.
It’s easier said than done, but try to stop caring. See if you can adopt the attitude of a parent whose teenager is being a bit tiresome: you know there is no point arguing or engaging at any level of depth, so be prepared with: “thank you for telling me”, “that’s nice”, “well really!” “is it?” “you don’t say”. etc.
Stop giving weight to her opinions (or ‘facts’) and direct your energy and attention elsewhere.

I used to have a friend who took great delight in telling me how fat I am.

"Look, you need to face facts, you're really fat and I'm telling you this for your own good and because I tell it like it is"

Like I don't know what I look like when I see myself in the mirror!

When I pointed out to her that she was being rude I was told that I'm always so sensitive and I can never take criticism (very untrue) and when I pointed out to her that she isn't perfect (who is?) she looked shocked and told me that I'm always so insensitive and I need to learn not to be so critical.

People like this love to mess with peoples heads. They are highly critical but extremely sensitive. The best way to deal with it is to give them nothing. They crave reaction. Feed it and it will grow, starve it and it will die.

That's just out and out cruelty. I don't even begin to understand how anyone could say that to anyone.

If I am asked directly for my opinion I will give it 100% honestly if not I don't go around making random comments it rude

If someone does something to annoy me though they will be told I own that and am happy to tell them

People who "tell it like it is" usually mean they " tell it how I perceive it and I am not interested in other perspectives".

Agree she sounds exactly like the type of person who will run to hr with bullying claims if she gets any treatment like she dishes out!

Similar here.

IRL I tend not to go about sharing my perceptions or thoughts with randoms.

However, those who know me also know if they ask me for an opinion or advice on anything there will be a complete absence of any sugar-coating in my response.

They pays their money, they makes their choice.

What @fuchiaknickers said. Just stay completely superficial and chat as little as possible. Be unavailable.

Imo this could well escalate. Sounds mad but if you're due an appraisal I'd get it done and get positive managerial comments on the record now. Tbh I might even look for another job or at least a project that meant being somewhere else.

She sounds like a sociopath or something! In so seriousness, prior like this are annoying but they have a way of sucking you in, twisting your words and making you feel like you're going around in circles. The only way to deal with someone like this is to think it but don't say it. Avoid all but the most superficial of conversations if they're about anything other than work.

Being honest doesn't have to be rude, but some people do use this as an excuse to be rude.

Do it back to her, phrases such as:

I find that rude
There's really no reason for you to mention that to me
Please stop trying to tell me xyz you're not a psychologist