People who ‘tell it like it is’

[BooksOnThePatio]

A few months ago there was a new hire at my workplace. She’s around my age and we seem to get on well. We became a lot closer over the months due to how closely we were working together and she’s getting on my bloody nerves!

She ‘tells it like it is’.

This means that she points out if I’ve got a dry patch of skin between my eyebrows or if I’ve got a small scratch on my face. She also tries to psychoanalyse me and will come up with some crap comment about how my opinion/behaviour ‘must be’ because of blank.

She is also big on how she’s extremely logical compared to everyone else. She constantly talks about how there is no point associating with anyone who doesn’t benefit you.

I’d go in in the morning and we’d get into a conversation about something we heard on the radio on the way here. If she was ‘losing’ the discussion when we stand on opposing ends of the issue, she’d then shut down the discussion and dismiss everything by saying ‘oh you won’t understand because you’re blank. I shouldn’t have bothered.’ She’s the one who started the conversation!

It’s a VERY casual, small workplace and chatting is common. She seems less abrasive to the other 3 members —they still get the ‘extremely logical’ comments but none of the tell-it-like-it-is ‘facts’ nor the stupid discussions that I let myself get dragged into because ~70% of the time I don’t mind the chat while I get my morning coffee.

Could write an essay but AIBU to think she’s sucking the joy out of what was a nice, friendly workplace? I used to love coming in — love the people, love the work, love the environment. But now I dread it.

I think people can be a bit too sensitive now (I remember a colleague going berserk when I pointed out a smear of ketchup on their face. I thought they’d want to know before going about their day like that, but apparently it’s ‘really mean’). But she just sounds self involved and really rude. I would just do the same back. She must have a weak spot.

She’s confusing “telling it like it is” with just being an arsehole.
im quite a black and white person myself but I have manners. Not everything has to be said out loud. If someone kept going on like that I’d just start grey rocking them and not really say anything of interest to initiate more than a work relationship.

TILIIs don't like being told how it is.

I used to work with one of these, and eventually had enough: she started on something about asylum seekers (yes, she was a racist, too) and I threw my hands in the air and said 'that's enough, I'm not listening to your bullshit any longer'.

She, unsurprisingly, sloped off to HR with complaints of bullying, but I had multiple witnesses who confirmed that she had made racist pronouncements, so she was onto jelly beans with that.

Fortunately, she then left not long thereafter.

The only way to deal with these people is to call them out on their unacceptable behaviour.

Ironic how the people who always calls everyone else sensitive tends to be the most sensitive ones…

My sister is like this. I will always tell the truth if asked but look to be positive and to keep things to myself if they are sensitive and likely to hurt the other person. My sister, on the other hand, loves to comment and judge other people and how they measure up to her, always to underline her own superiority. And it is almost delusional in how unmoored it is from reality. I used to fight back, then tried killing her with kindness, then tried changing the subject, or not engaging. In the end I found it worked to comment on what she was doing - ie. you do so love to find something where you can compare us unfavourably, or I was wondering how long it would take you to comment on something about my appearance today. It seems to be working.

She’s threatened by you.

You could try telling her she's a nasty insensitive arsehole & to shut the fuck up ?Or maybe there's a ruder version ?

I actually left my last job because of someone like her - she was a new starter and at first she didn't work my shifts (both housekeepers in a care home) so I didn't know her and she seemed nice enough. Then she got put on one shift a fortnight with me and I hated it. She was rude and condescending and she did that thing where she was like "oh well so and so says you're lazy/bad at your job/weird/grumpy but dont worry I said you were a good lass" making me paranoid that everyone talked behind my back etc. I told my manager that if she was put on more shifts with me per week, I would leave.
She was. I did.
I hope you can resolve your issue before it gets to that point. She perhaps just needs to be given a taste of her own medicine.

It sounds like she's completely lacking in self awareness, tact and empathy! I would not enjoy working with someone like this either. Have your fellow colleagues noticed the way she speaks to you? What do they think of her?
I think every time she says something insensitive you will just have to keep calling her out on it and hope she eventually gets the message. And if it continues you may have to mention it to your manager and ask him or her to have a word. Good luck 🤞

We had someone like this in a friendship group. She was the wife of a beloved old mate so no one felt they could correct her in case it hurt him. After 20 years (genuinely)someone pulled her aside and asked her did she realise how hurtful and offensive she could be. She was properly shocked and mortified and became a changed woman.

Or "I CAN read the room but want some attention so I'm going to be rude to get it".

People who 'tell it like it is' are the worst kind of people. Rude, obnoxious, vile people. They think everyone needs their opinion, and present their opinion as 'fact.' THAT'S how arrogant they are!

It is not a 'strength' or a positive attribute to 'tell it like it is,' and it does not make you a stronger, better person to be brutally 'honest' ... It just makes you a rude obnoxious twat. Why the fuck do these people think anyone gives a fuck about their vacuous shitty rude opinions?

Is there a flight of stairs you could push her down or do you work in one of those open plan offices?

Have you tried saying; 'Listen hear, I'm just going to tell you how it is... you are getting on my bloody tits!'

sorry that's not a "tell it like it is person", just rude and patronising. not the same thing at all.

it's possible to be a straight talking, no nonsense kind of person without being rude.

and I think perhaps the only way "tell it like it is" works is if the person is kindhearted and has good intentions. otherwise, it's just being mean!

Genuine honesty doesn't need to be pointed out, in the same way that people who a good at their jobs don't need to tell you that, it's obvious.

I have one of these people in my life (although I limit contact as much as I can). I'm sure there is a way to stop them from being deliberately hurtful, but I don't know what it is!

“Tell it like it is” people are invariably unpleasant, along with “brutally honest” people and “I try to be a nice person” people (if you have to point out to everyone that you are trying to be a nice person then you are almost definitely not a nice person).

have a go at dishing some of it out to her. She won’t like that one bit.

I've found 'thank you for sharing that with me' with a big smile and just not continuing any V conversation works well with mine.

Yep. Tell it like it is.

They are my least favourite people to be around. I'd rather be handcuffed to a chirpy quirky Disney adult than a tell-it-like-it-is.

What a twat she sounds
I don’t see how anyone could think you are unreasonable OP

If you want to shut her down try asking 'Are you bored, Tell-it-like-it-is?' (with her real name of course)

Her: offensive remark
You: Julia, please do not make personal remarks about my appearance.
Her: I'm just telling it like it is. No need for you to be so sensitive.
You: Be that as it may, I am asking you not to make personal remarks about my appearance and if you continue to do so, I will be making a report to HR about your behavior.

I don't know, maybe it will work?

People who pride themselves on telling it like it is are usually giant a holes with zero self awareness. I know a few like this in real life and they just constantly upset people and drain the atmosphere. I try to avoid these people where and when I can!

’tell it like it is’ back to her. Bet she can’t take it 😄

I LOVE this advice!