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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not invite family to vegas wedding

146 replies

pinkkpanther · 24/07/2023 15:03

So I live in the UK and me and my Fiance want to go to Las Vegas to get married but it to be just us two

However, our families aren’t taking it tell which I understand can be upsetting. I am an only child and my mum would obviously want to see her only daughter get married but we just want to go away us two as it would also be our honeymoon as well because we have a child and my Fiance has another daughter

ABIU to go to vegas to get married and not invite our family along (my mum mainly)?

We don’t want the hassle of organising a wedding here and the grief from everybody so if we did then it would solely be done just for my mum which is a lot of money to please 1 person when it’s our day.

My mum isn’t taking it well and I’m scared to bring it up to her again. My mum has been very opinionated and somewhat nasty to me the last year and she is holding me back booking it because I don’t want the cheek and arguments from her. My Fiance wants to book it and I feel bad because I keep asking can we wait but I don’t really know what I’m waiting for

Thanks for reading. Would like some opinions

OP posts:

NotAMug · 24/07/2023 15:09

The trouble is that only you know how it would affect your relationship with you mum if you went ahead. No one on here can really advise you on this.

Personally for me I would never do this, I am close to my family and it would be really hurtful IMO, I would feel the same if my kids did the same to me.

I got married in Vegas, anyone was welcome, there were about 20 of us in the end. We had our honeymoon also out there. My parents came and took the kids for a week out there so we could have a honeymoon as such. I get that it's different if your DC aren't going but surely you could say family is welcome to the wedding but you'll be honeymooning after so won't be spending time with them.

QforCucumber · 24/07/2023 15:12

We did it - it was live streamed back to the UK so family watched. The entire thing lasted 12 minutes and it's now 4 years later and I have absolutely 0 regrets.

Wanttobefree2 · 24/07/2023 15:15

My mum did this, I couldn’t go as my kids were really young but my sister went. I’ve never really got over it tbh (it’s complicated)

I do understand this is a very selfish perspective though and it was her big day.

Ghastisflabbered · 24/07/2023 15:15

Easier to ask forgiveness than permission - you should have eloped properly and told everyone after the event - although I guess maybe you needed to explain why you didn’t want to take DC?

At this point only you can know how it will impact your relationship with your mom going forward and how important that is to you.

I know mumsnet is very “your wedding, your rules” but my parents would have been devastated if they weren’t included in my wedding.

QforCucumber · 24/07/2023 15:15

PP is correct though, both our families were ok with the decision, MIL came dress shopping with me and we still had a hen party/stag. the only thing people missed being involved in was the actual marriage ceremony, there were no bad words
(other than one SIL told me we'd regret not having everyone there) but it was absolutely and completely 'us'

LlynTegid · 24/07/2023 15:19

Surely the whole point of going a long distance for a wedding in part is who you don't want to be there?

Whataretheodds · 24/07/2023 15:26

Well you can do whatever you like but you can't prevent your mum being upset if you do.
What's wrong with a v small ceremony here and then going away just the 2 of you for your honeymoon?

Traceyislivid · 24/07/2023 15:28

You are marrying your husband not your mother. She’s had her wedding day. Ask her why she’s so upset? And maybe compromise. If she is being childish about it all she will be childish about whatever you decide to do.

Laurdo · 24/07/2023 15:29

Whilst I know my mum would have been disappointed had I not invited her to my wedding, she would still respect my choice and would never be nasty to me because of it. It's ok for your mum to be disappointed. It's not ok to be nasty to you.

I feel at this point should your mum come, she'll know she's only there because she kicked up a fuss and you'll potentially be resentful of her being there especially after how she's behaved towards you.

Would you consider having a small celebration when you get back from Vegas as a compromise?

strawberry2017 · 24/07/2023 15:30

Your wedding your choice.
Do what makes you happy it's not about someone else.

Tapasgoofy · 24/07/2023 15:33

I’d be pretty upset if my only daughter got married abroad and didn’t even invite me. I’d see it as a massive fuck you.

since you want it to be just you two… who are you planning on asking to watch your child and his child?

Womencanlift · 24/07/2023 15:33

As pp said only you know your relationship and people on this thread will have a different relationship with their mum and therefore different opinions

Personally I couldn’t do this as I would want my mum with me on my wedding day.

But I also see that others wouldn’t and I know people who have done the whole stream the link back to the UK option. Each scenario was different as were the reasons behind it, so how people felt differed

Maddy70 · 24/07/2023 15:37

I honestly would be very upset if my daughter excluded me from her wedding. Why does it just have to be the two of you ?

UsingChangeofName · 24/07/2023 15:38

Ghastisflabbered · 24/07/2023 15:15

Easier to ask forgiveness than permission - you should have eloped properly and told everyone after the event - although I guess maybe you needed to explain why you didn’t want to take DC?

At this point only you can know how it will impact your relationship with your mom going forward and how important that is to you.

I know mumsnet is very “your wedding, your rules” but my parents would have been devastated if they weren’t included in my wedding.

This.

It wouldn't be for me, but surely the main point of flying off abroad to get married, is to avoid family being there. It makes no sense to me to fly a crowd of people to another country to get married.

If that is what the 2 of you want to do, then do it. Of course, your mum is equally allowed to feel upset about it, but if you invite her, it not only totally changes the dynamic, but presumably you would then have to invite his Mum and so it goes on.

Tinkerbyebye · 24/07/2023 15:38

If you want a quiet wedding I would do registry office here, you two and respective parents, that’s it. Then honeymoon in Vegas

if you want Vegas then I would tell her she can come if she wants, she pays, sorts accommodation etc for herself and after the wedding you won’t be around so she has to sort out what she wants to do

thebellagio · 24/07/2023 15:38

We also got married in Vegas and had the wedding live streamed to all our family and friends back here in the UK. Even a decade later my mates joke about how they got to watch me get married sat on the sofa in their PJs at 10.30pm at night!

TheFireflies · 24/07/2023 15:39

So your children won’t be there either?

you may as well just do the admin in this country.

SoSoSoSo · 24/07/2023 15:39

I have no idea what your relationship with your Mother is usually like but I can't imagine not having my Mother at my wedding but I have a very close relationship with me and it'd be the equivalent of spitting in her face imo but then I wouldn't consider it for a minute.

TraumaSurvivor · 24/07/2023 15:40

Why not have the proper legal wedding there in LV, but have a blessing ceremony and party here in the UK with family etc?

SoSoSoSo · 24/07/2023 15:41

With mine.

Rainydayparade · 24/07/2023 15:41

I eloped to a tropical destination, just the two of us. Everyone respected our decision and we had a causal party when we got home. 100% the right decision for us, we still included family in dress buying and lots of photos and videos. I wouldn’t have wanted to put people under pressure to pay so much money and also wanted a wedding/ travelling honeymoon all in one. I couldn’t get worked up about it for my own children, each to their own!

WunWun · 24/07/2023 15:43

I got married in LV with just the two of us, no one else (planned, and our families knew about it).

I'm not close to my mum though. She couldn't have cared less.

There was a video, which my MIL watched once I think.

WunWun · 24/07/2023 15:43

Ex MIL :)

HamBone · 24/07/2023 15:43

Perhaps it would make sense to say that we’d like to “elope” for the ceremony just the two of us, but we’ll have a celebration with all the family when we return.

On a practical level, it’ll be quite expensive for them to fly out, hotels, etc. Las Vegas isn’t cheap at all.

WunWun · 24/07/2023 15:44

We didn't have a celebration at home afterwards, because the whole reason for going over there was to avoid that.

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