To not invite family to vegas wedding

[pinkkpanther]

So I live in the UK and me and my Fiance want to go to Las Vegas to get married but it to be just us two

However, our families aren’t taking it tell which I understand can be upsetting. I am an only child and my mum would obviously want to see her only daughter get married but we just want to go away us two as it would also be our honeymoon as well because we have a child and my Fiance has another daughter

ABIU to go to vegas to get married and not invite our family along (my mum mainly)?

We don’t want the hassle of organising a wedding here and the grief from everybody so if we did then it would solely be done just for my mum which is a lot of money to please 1 person when it’s our day.

My mum isn’t taking it well and I’m scared to bring it up to her again. My mum has been very opinionated and somewhat nasty to me the last year and she is holding me back booking it because I don’t want the cheek and arguments from her. My Fiance wants to book it and I feel bad because I keep asking can we wait but I don’t really know what I’m waiting for

Thanks for reading. Would like some opinions

That’s exactly like us, we both hate being centre of attention and the thought of having to organise everything for everyone else when I don’t want a big wedding is stressful enough. We just want to go away the two of us and enjoy our day

Aww you posted this on the 12 year anniversary of me flying there to do just that! 😄 obviously the decision is up to you, but dh and I went to vegas just the two of us, and it was just brilliant. I’m an only child too, and my mum wasn’t in good enough health to come, but we didn’t invite anyone and thankfully DHs parents never voiced any concerns to us. We had the ceremony at a lovely chapel, and it was streamed live so people could watch it at home (we got married around midday vegas time so it was about 8pm here, which worked well). We did have a big party back home which was basically like a proper wedding reception but I was so glad we went away just is two. It was so stressfree, and just, a wonderful thing for the two of us to do. Ultimately it’s your wedding day and you should do what makes you the most comfortable in my opinion.

If you do go for it, we had a great photographer do a photo tour of vegas with us after the wedding, and I’d really recommend going to the neon museum - it’s a big boneyard type place filled with old casino signs etc. Absolutely stunning photos!!

Right now Las Vegas is not very hospitable. There is a shortage of workers. Of course casinos and night clubs are fully staffed (to the detriment of hotels). Have a quick local ceremony with your mom - then escape to somewhere honeymoonie. Lake Tahoe area is better than Las Vegas in the US.

I hate being centre of attention. We did actually go abroad to get married, in a way that was special and meaningful to us. But I knew a couple of my very close relatives and friends would be upset at us not doing anything in the uk, and to me, it was worth organizing something so that they felt involved and were happy. We had a basic registry office wedding, wearing smart clothes but not wedding gear, no exchange of rings, ni flowers, no cake etc and popped to a restaurant round the corner for lunch after. The ceremony was also less than 15 min. There was zero organisation other than booking lunch. That seemed like a good no fuss compromise to me to keep people that I love happy as to them it was really important to see me get married even if it wasn't important to me

I wouldn't have told her before the fact. I'd have announced on return.

You want it, your Fiancé wants it. Just book it.

You don’t want to give him the impression you care more about your Mum than your family into with him.

How would you feel if your daughter didn’t want you at her wedding?

I hate this - we didn’t want ANYONE there, it was nothing personal to anyone in particular. Our wedding was about us making a promise to each other (and actually a lot more about the legalities than the love part)

What is it with weddings and babies - all of a sudden those things give people a pass to go crazy over someone else’s choices.

Me too. I would probably have chosen a registry office and a meal while wearing a sophisticated cream suit. However I had younger sisters and would be their only chance of being bridesmaids and a MIL who really wanted to make a wedding dress. So we had a fancier wedding in the end. Ours was the first wedding in years for both families so I wouldn't have wanted them to miss it.

I’d want to check the legal implications of marrying in Vegas.

Otherwise fine. I’d offer to pay and ask for photos.

I'm another one that says book it. My idea of hell having a wedding day.

If your family loves you like that say they do they will get over the disappointment eventually.

Well all those saying they’d be fine with your daughters excluding your from their wedding - let’s see if that’s really the case if it happens. Many mothers dream of their daughters growing up and getting married and seeing your daughter in her wedding dress is one of life’s precious moments. Everyone is entitled to do what they want with their own wedding, but don’t expect people not to be hurt by it. Go ahead, but accept that you’ve hurt people in the process and they are entitled to feel that way.

I think you're being a bit inconsistent by saying you don't want the hassle of organising a big day, given that you also say that you're planning a reception for family once you've returned.

There's no rule that weddings have to be big and fancy. I'd compromise and have a small wedding and reception here with close family only (the same people that you would be inviting to the reception), then have your honeymoon abroad.

You will still have the two same elements, just in a different order, and your mum will be able to see you get married.

Disclaimer: I am a mother of daughters and would be very disappointed if they didn't want me at their weddings!

Who are you expecting to look after your child while you are away? Your mother?

Mothers dream of seeing their daughters in a wedding dress, it's not the 1950s! When my daughter is older and if she decides to get married at all and wants to elope I would be more than supportive.

From someone who detested her wedding, can't even look at the photos and has never watched her wedding video- do what YOU want.
I was young, I wanted to please everyone so I let myself be railroaded into a wedding that was everything I didn't want. I wanted a very small wedding abroad, preferably just the two of us. I ended up with 100 plus guests in a UK hotel with people invited I didn't even like! Didn't even pick my flowers. Hated my dress. Married the right man so never regretted that, just wish I could turn back time and do what WE wanted. We ended up NC with MIL anyway so it was pointless making huge efforts to appease her!

It’s not a choice between a big wedding here or just the two of you in Vegas. You could have a very small registry office ceremony here - you and your fiancé and parents with lunch afterwards, or go to Vegas and give both sets of parents the option of going at their cost. You don’t need to be the centre of attention or have a huge fuss.

My sister eloped and it devastated my mum, I can still remember how upset she was that my sister didn’t want her at her wedding and it affected their relationship for a long time. I’d also consider who’s providing childcare for you to go on your own - it’s a bit of a slap in the face to ask your mum to provide childcare for a wedding you don’t want her to attend, if that’s what you’re hoping to do.

I don’t think you need to plan your wedding purely to please other people, but I’d give some consideration to the message you’re inadvertently giving your mum by not wanting her there.

Can you compromise and do a registry office wedding with immediate family in the UK? Then go to Vegas, do a ceremony there and honeymoon. That way you have what you want, and no one is offended.

Absolutely YANBU.

Your family are entitled to feel moderately disappointed that they won’t see you get married, if that’s something they’d always imagined would happen one day, but they are not entitled to be angry, hurt or nasty about it.

Weddings, despite what Mumsnet would have you believe, are for the couple getting married. Your marriage is between you and your partner and it is wholly up to you how you choose to mark that. Nobody should ever have to have a wedding that they won’t enjoy, just to please other people.

FWIW there is nothing DP and I would hate more than any event at which we were the focal point. We’d both be anxious and feel awkward about it and we would be too worried about everyone else, and whether they were happy, to enjoy our day. We both adore our families but we also both hate organising events of any kind, and a wedding with guests would feel like a chore for us rather than a pleasure.

There is a big difference between not wanting your mum at your wedding and not wanting ANYONE at your wedding.

My mum and I are very close, and she adores my DP. She has said many times that as far as she is concerned, the important thing is that DP and I are happy as a couple, and that if we got married it would be nothing more than a legal formality. She would completely understand if we just went off and got married on our own with no guests.

Now this is just my opinion, but having just got back from Vegas I’d really think carefully about getting married there. The place is in chaos due to all the work going on for the F1 race in November, this may not affect you though. But the area behind the strip where most of the chapels are is like a building site. It was a mess and it just looked awful and tbh quite rough with drunks staggering about. Dh and I had discussed renewing our vows while we were there for the shits and giggles of doing it in Vegas. I’m really glad we didn’t. It doesn’t look like it have the feel of Vegas in the movies. I found it quite sleazy and intimidating as soon as you came off the main strip. Just my twopenneth worth!