To not invite family to vegas wedding

[pinkkpanther]

So I live in the UK and me and my Fiance want to go to Las Vegas to get married but it to be just us two

However, our families aren’t taking it tell which I understand can be upsetting. I am an only child and my mum would obviously want to see her only daughter get married but we just want to go away us two as it would also be our honeymoon as well because we have a child and my Fiance has another daughter

ABIU to go to vegas to get married and not invite our family along (my mum mainly)?

We don’t want the hassle of organising a wedding here and the grief from everybody so if we did then it would solely be done just for my mum which is a lot of money to please 1 person when it’s our day.

My mum isn’t taking it well and I’m scared to bring it up to her again. My mum has been very opinionated and somewhat nasty to me the last year and she is holding me back booking it because I don’t want the cheek and arguments from her. My Fiance wants to book it and I feel bad because I keep asking can we wait but I don’t really know what I’m waiting for

Thanks for reading. Would like some opinions

Fair enough, but it sounds as if the OP has a closer relationship with her family.

Your mother sounds quite overbearing to me. Have the wedding you both want! I'd never think to dictate how my children should or shouldn't do anything so personal as a wedding.

Is the civil ceremony in the uk?

I think it's your wedding and if you don't want family there that is perfectly within your rights. Forget what other people say about how they couldn't do this to their family etc. The relationship others have with their family is not the relationship you have with your family (mum). I can give you my experience but take is an alternative view to the "oh how terrible of you to even consider this" brigade, I'm not saying you necessarily need to do what I did, just that you wouldn't be the first person in the world to have a wedding with just your partner there.

I didn't invite my family to my wedding in the UK, had a registry office wedding with just two witnesses and my children. It upset some of my family (parents/grandparents). But everyone got over it. I had my own reasons for that, chiefly being family drama and estrangement between my dad and some of my siblings plus major major drama (spanning 20 years) between my dad and my mum and my stepdad. Basically I decided I didn't want the hassle. I was never bothered about a wedding, just wanted to marry my partner and he felt the same way.

Now. This was my experience based on my family. I can't tell you whether this is the best thing for you. All I'm saying is you should do what you want to do not what you think other people want you to do.

Did I get a lot of stick from my (frankly, narcissistic) dad? Yes, I did. Lots of "I always dreamt of walking my daughter down the aisle" etc and guilt tripping me about it. But to me, it was worth putting up with that so that I didn't have to go through the drama of a wedding I didn't want.

This was long. Sorry! But I really can't emphasise enough this is your wedding and you should do what you want, you don't owe anybody to watch you get married etc.

Why not just have a registry office and a nice meal in the UK and then go on honeymoon? It doesn't have to be a lot of money, if your mum still isn't happy then so be it but at least she can be there (just limit it to parents and your dc only, you don't need to invite your entire families).

Its just my mum I'm not close with thanks :)

I’m with @Tapasgoofy and would see it as a massive FU.
Is your fiancé controlling and alienating you from your family? Because you certainly could do a one day wedding with your mom as a witness nearby.

Getting married without your close family present is your right, but you have to accept it may cause serious hurt feelings.

it’s also a very big deal to get married without your children present. You need to be prepared for fallout from that as well.

I did it. Not Vegas but DH and I got married abroad with no one there. It was lovely and we don't regret it at all.
I am lucky that we had more understanding families but my mum does still like to bring up how disappointed she was/is.
I am 100% against doing a wedding just for the sake of others. Do what YOU want to do.

Will your parents be looking after your child when you go to Vegas? If so, it would be kind to consider some sort of celebration back home (doesn’t have to be massive) that includes them.

Just to clarify, was planning on hosting a reception for family once we returned

YANBU. I thought the whole point of a Vegas wedding was so that you could avoid having any family present, and just be the two of you.

Just go for it. I did this some years ago. Both families were a bit pissed off for a fair while, but they got over it. You can’t have a wedding just to please others, I mean you can, but you shouldn’t.

Ah, if you’re having a reception at home, I can’t see the issue. Everyone’s already being included!

Just book it and go. I wish DH and I had done something similar.

You might need to arrange backup childcare (assuming you were planning to ask your Mum) just to be on the safe side.

It's your wedding day, I don't see why you can't just do what suits you.

I'd tell anyone that was an arse about the plans that it's either a vegas wedding with the two of you, or no wedding at all. The outcome is the same for them - no wedding. If they would rather you don't get married at all because of how it makes them feel, that's pretty damn selfish.

We have a good relationship with our family but we didn't want anyone at our wedding. It was a day for me and DH to get married, it had sweet FA to do with anyone else and neither of us like being centre of attention. We also didn't actually want to have to arrange anything for anyone else, we didn't want to have to consider their dates, flights, accommodation, food, entertainment. The purpose of the day was for me and DH to get married.

So we went to Vegas, then provided photos and a DVD to any family who wanted it.

The service was about 10 minutes long, then we went back to the hotel to get changed and went about the rest of our holiday having a grand old time.

OP do what will make you and your DH happy.

Honestly, if they are pissed about not coming to the wedding (rightly or wrongly) then I don’t think a reception at home will make up for it.

For most parents it’s the wedding that’s important not the cutting of the cake

But as plenty people have said we cannot tell you what’s right for you and your family, we can only give opinions based on our own situations and family relationships

I am doing the same, I’ve never wanted a wedding or big do, so instead off to Vegas just the two of us. I am also really close to my family but they respect my choice, probably helps I have always said I would elope. Instead they are going to live stream it, I might have a family bbq when home ect but at the end of the day it’s your choice.

Interested as to why people would see it as a fuck you if their child did it? Unless it's done specifically so just you (singular) can't go then surely it's just the bride and groom having a wedding of their choice? Why do they owe parents a big wedding day/wedding day they don't want just to please others?

Savage. Perhaps maybe look at WHY your daughter wouldn’t want you there rather than getting defensive?

I know this is a hypothetical situation 😂 but everyone on here telling her to cater to her mum (a grown woman’s!) needs. It’s not up to OP to manage her mums feelings

100% this!!

It’s your wedding day, do what you want. Shame you had to mention it to anyone though - why did you? Given that you didn’t want them there?

Has your Mum always been nasty to you or just since you announced this Las Vegas plan?

I’m never one for big showy weddings but would a registry office with immediate family followed by a restaurant lunch be too much to organise?

I would 100% understand if my Dc nipped to a registry office and got married as a legal contract with no family present. I would be ever so sad if they made an ‘occasion’ for themselves (e.g by eating married in Las Vegas) that I was excluded from. I would be nasty, or do anything other than wish them well but I would be deeply hurt .

And as for a reception when you get home, that’s great if it is for people who were invited to a destination wedding, and friends, but tbh I think it is a bit insulting to your parents and siblings.

Exactly.