To not invite family to vegas wedding

[pinkkpanther]

So I live in the UK and me and my Fiance want to go to Las Vegas to get married but it to be just us two

However, our families aren’t taking it tell which I understand can be upsetting. I am an only child and my mum would obviously want to see her only daughter get married but we just want to go away us two as it would also be our honeymoon as well because we have a child and my Fiance has another daughter

ABIU to go to vegas to get married and not invite our family along (my mum mainly)?

We don’t want the hassle of organising a wedding here and the grief from everybody so if we did then it would solely be done just for my mum which is a lot of money to please 1 person when it’s our day.

My mum isn’t taking it well and I’m scared to bring it up to her again. My mum has been very opinionated and somewhat nasty to me the last year and she is holding me back booking it because I don’t want the cheek and arguments from her. My Fiance wants to book it and I feel bad because I keep asking can we wait but I don’t really know what I’m waiting for

Thanks for reading. Would like some opinions

If you can host a reception you could host a reception after a registry office marriage to which they were invited.

If your Mum has been a bad Mum, always nasty, not approving your DP etc, fine I can see why you would go it alone. But in that case, just do it, don’t tell everyone.

I couldn't do that to my mum, but there's compromise's available like a small ceremony followed by drinks then off to the airport (no proper reception)

@MavisMcMinty @TakenRoot They have a child together and her fiancé has another child. Presumably they had to tell some people in order to arrange childcare-plus someone needed to know that their child’s parents would be out of the country in care of an emergency. It’s harder to be spontaneous with children!

Why are people expected to compromise on their events? No, mustn't have the wedding you want, you must do something that you don't want to do so that everyone else can be happy.

Yes - we did this as well

I chose to do it during term time as I knew my mum wouldn;t be able to come and we didn't want anyone there - sadly (now ex) husbands mum decided not only to come (having been told she wasn't to) but to invite 2 friends I had never met who lived near by!

My mum was not upset initially but really hurt by them coming - so we had a reception back home and I let my mum take the lead on that - turned out to be an epic party and I got to wear my dress twice!

Yup we had a party back home as well @ghostyslovesheets i loved wearing my dress twice

plus two cakes!!!

Our nephew did this and we were in the states and could have flown in for it but they wanted to be alone. So we left them to it. It all seemed rather sad and not really that celebratory. They had a party when they came back which we missed as we flew in that night - they still don't speak to us because we didn't come straight off a 14 hour flight to their non wedding party

This is my thinking.

But the point is that everyone has very different relationships with their families so what one person would find awful, another wouldn't care about at all.

It's obviously not up to the OP to manage her mums feelings but only OP knows if she is doing the right thing or not based on her relationship with her family and how things will be going forward.

I would be very sad to be excluded from my daughter’s wedding. However, she would not choose to get married in Vegas, it’s rather tacky.

Why is it tacky? People who live in Vegas don't go to a different state to get married you know. It's perfectly possible to have a whole range of different styles of weddings in Vegas. The draw is that you can do it quickly, you don't need to take witnesses with you and it's in a location that doubles as a great holiday. The actual ceremony itself can be anything from Elvis to high class hotel venue and everything that sits in between.

Mine was pretty similar to the registry office service my family member had in a very posh little town in rural Leicestershire. Main differences being it was cheaper, quicker and easier to book, I didn't invite anyone to watch, the weather was fantastic and we got an amazing holiday as part of the wedding.

Why didn't you just keep quiet and elope???

It sounds like you don't know anything about it and are just imagining stupid walk in wedding venues and getting married by some dressed in an Elvis costume

I agree with others, why did you tell anyone beforehand? Surely you could have gone to Vagas & then just told family when you returned? It sounds as you want the 'excitement' of the announcement but then don't want to include anyone . I didn't want a big wedding or any fuss, so we had a quiet register office wedding followed by a lunch with five guests.. other family members and friends were told (as and when, no big 'announcement') afterwards.

Well, we got married in Vegas and told everyone after the event. It was great! However, you could book it up and tell your mum if she wants to fly out to be a witness she can?

You have every right to go and get married in Vegas but what did you expect your mother to feel about it! Wouldn’t most mothers want to be at their daughter’s wedding?

I wouldn't give up my wedding plans to please my mum, especially if she has spent the last year being nasty to me. Lots of people have opinions but your wedding is just for you. Maybe have a small celebration at home too if you really want to please her? But I wouldn't feel obliged. I know friends who spent 20-30k on their wedding and it made me feel ill, we had a small party and went to Thailand and Cambodia on honeymoon which was better than any wedding day could have been.

Nope. I think I know a bit about it. Tacky, fake… I can’t imagine a more meaningless venue to choose.

My LV wedding involved flying to an unreachable from the ground part of the Valley of Fire and getting married at sunset whilst eagles flew past.

You clearly don't have the slightest idea about the kind of high class venues available in LV either. Nothing tacky about some of them.

You've literally proven your own ignorance in your post 😂

I see a wedding as the joining of two families so this wouldn't be for me. I couldn't hurt my family in that way and so would just go there for honeymoon if that was somewhere I wanted to go.

I don't really get how it is hurtful and I have a daughter! If she didn't want to invite me to her wedding I would be fully supportive of that. It would be her day / wedding / life. Some people like eloping, some people like cheap as chips just 2 strangers for witnesses etc... Who are we as the parents to try to change any of this? I honestly don't get it.

Well you know what they say @Pottedpalm "opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and some of them stink". Looks like you're the proud owner and a stinky arsehole today. Congrats!

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune @Ragwort My guess is that they spilled the beans because of their children. They’ll have had to ask someone to take care of their child while they’re away, that person will need to know how to get in touch with them in an emergency, etc. Her fiancé also has a child with his ex so perhaps he felt that he should let them know, etc.

I suppose they could’ve sworn people to secrecy, but that might have been a faff.

We invited ours. Just parents/siblings.

my mum and brother came. Dh’s parents said they’d already been to vegas so didn’t want to come 😂.

if you don’t want anyone to come don’t tell them. I don’t wear a ring and kept my name so nobody knew unless I told them.

If I were you, I'd probably have the actual ceremony at home, registry office, close family there.

Then honeymoon in Vegas and book a Vegas ceremony just for the two of you. If the two of you want to class that as the 'real' wedding with your personal vows and photographs and what not then nothing is stopping you.