To not invite family to vegas wedding

[pinkkpanther]

So I live in the UK and me and my Fiance want to go to Las Vegas to get married but it to be just us two

However, our families aren’t taking it tell which I understand can be upsetting. I am an only child and my mum would obviously want to see her only daughter get married but we just want to go away us two as it would also be our honeymoon as well because we have a child and my Fiance has another daughter

ABIU to go to vegas to get married and not invite our family along (my mum mainly)?

We don’t want the hassle of organising a wedding here and the grief from everybody so if we did then it would solely be done just for my mum which is a lot of money to please 1 person when it’s our day.

My mum isn’t taking it well and I’m scared to bring it up to her again. My mum has been very opinionated and somewhat nasty to me the last year and she is holding me back booking it because I don’t want the cheek and arguments from her. My Fiance wants to book it and I feel bad because I keep asking can we wait but I don’t really know what I’m waiting for

Thanks for reading. Would like some opinions

Just do it, I got married with just me, hubby and baby daughter, just told everyone after we were married, it was forgotten about days later! It's only one day, you could always have a wedding party when you get home, good luck

Who will be looking after your child?
What is the big deal if your parents go with you?
How would you feel, honestly, if your child did this to you?
It is hurtful and it is a rejection.

I could never do that to my mum - but you’re not me. Do what makes you feel happy, but know that it might change your relationship with your mum.

Not unreasonable. It’s your & your hubby to be’s day - & decision. Weddings can be stressful - who to invite, what to wear, who likes whom for the seating plan, will uncle so & so get drunk, bridesmaids etc etc. The list is endless! Weddings can be fabulous events - but if you don’t want all the hassle / possible upset / cost - just do what you two want to do. Have a party when you get home - get your mum involved in that.

It’s your wedding do it the way you want to, I totally get the money thing, hubs and I had a very small wedding, only 12 there and that was 8 more than we wanted (us + 2 witnesses) we celebrated our 38th anniversary a couple of weeks ago. Your mother will get over it.

You're setting up a false dichotomy. It's not - wedding in Vegas with only bride and groom and little organising OR massive wedding in the UK with lots of organising and bride's mum there. OP can invite her DM to Vegas. She can have registry office/church wedding with just parents. There's no more organising or cost involved. All it costs is some consideration for her mum.
And yy like others I'd wonder about OP's relationship with her DP because the only people I know who snubbed their parents over their wedding (when they actually had a relationship with their parents) had a very controlling DP.

Who will be looking after your joint child? Assuming Step child will be with their Mom.

why not have a small wedding over here and then go to Las vegas on your honeymoon, I would have done anything to have my Mum their on my special day as she passed away between me getting engaged and married. But at the end of the day it's your day and your decision.

I’ve heard talk of these mythical people who’ll look after your child for a couple of weeks while you go on holiday. Just kidding.

My theory is probably wrong, I was assuming that they’d need to have a special reason to ask for that much childcare and that going on holiday wouldn’t be enough. In our families, we’d both need to be in intensive care before anyone would do it. 😂

If you’re planning on holding a reception when you get back then I don’t really see the point of upsetting everyone to be honest! If you want a small wedding you could easily do a registry office ceremony with your children and your parents and have the reception you plan on having anyway. Then off to vegas on your honeymoon and a blessing there with just the two of you? It seems a lot of effort to upset your mum when you could have a small compromise and keep it small regardless. Also how does the legality work when brits get married in USA? Would you have to legally register the wedding here after you get married in vegas? If that’s the case then surely you may as well get married in a registry office here and not alienate your mother in the process.

Why not have family who want to go (and can afford it) at the wedding? that's what we did when we got married in Vegas.

Not everyone could come, which was fine. Those who did were in a different hotel, met at the Chapel for the wedding, came with us to a hotel for a meal, and then everyone did their own thing. It's just one day out of your 'honeymoon'.

A marriage in Vegas is legal in the UK without registering it when you get back - otherwise I wouldn't have had to get divorced!

Your mum had her wedding day. Now it's your turn to enjoy yours. Personally I'd just go. Even small weddings here cost a lot of money. I'd rather spend my money on something I would enjoy.

A marriage is for you. A wedding is for other people. Can't you do both?
Get married in Vegas.
Have a reception event in UK.
If you hate it get your mum to organise.

Totally agree you should just have done it and not told anyone. However that particular cat is out of the bag now.. It’s your wedding, and you should do it your way. But be nice about it to those with opinions that differ to yours.

Personally, I'd say do what you want to do! I had a big white wedding with 100 day guests and more on the evening. Then when my husband died and my kids were 6 years and 4 months old everyone disappeared out of my life, bridesmaids included. I was only 28 when he died. I've said if I ever decide to get married again one day I'd go to Vegas and not invite anyone because family and friends can be such a huge disappointment when you need them most. Screw everyone else. Do what YOU want to do. Good luck!

I did this, much to the horror of my family! Mum was sobbing, begging to come.

Booked it 10 months before we flew out, as the date got closer she got on board. Best decision I ever made! I don’t regret a single bit of it. It didn’t feel great upsetting our parents but a wedding is about you and your husband.

To be fair the only reason we eloped was while visiting venues etc to get married at home the arguments had started about how far away, and who was invited, how much drinks cost at venues etc. we only ever wanted a small wedding and parents kept adding on who they would like to invite etc etc. there was nothing enjoyable about wedding planning here and quickly became about what everyone else wanted or thought we should be doing. In the end we took wedding savings, booked a week in vegas, then flew on to Mexico for 10 nights. Still bought my dream dress and all the things I wanted, had a party locally to celebrate with all of our friends and family when we came home. We spent around £23k all in which was our savings for our home wedding. Looking back, we worked bloody hard to save that amount of money and I’m so glad we blew it on our wedding, amazing experiences and fabulous holiday, rather than on one day. After it, my family absolutely agreed that from our pics etc we did have a holiday of a lifetime, and while they were sad they weren’t there they were happy for us. Never been away on such a holiday or spent money quite like that on ourselves since and probably never will.

If a close family member was marrying in Vegas then I’d prefer NOT to be invited as if invited, especially for a small do, I’d feel that I’d have to find the money and holiday time to go. No thanks!
go along and send us the photos would be my reaction

Been to many vegas weddings?

I can assure you it’s not what you see on the tv. You can do anything in Vegas, including having a beautiful wedding!

If you don’t want to go, politely refuse 🤷‍♀️.

my pil said no to the invite, and today was their son getting married. Not a money issue, not a dislike of vegas- just they’d been before and couldn’t be bothered to go again.

fine by me, we wanted a small wedding anyway 😂. Did set the tone for our relationship though, they were too heavily invested in their dd and her kids to bother with us much.

Do it you only live once please just go for it. Then come back and hold small ceremony for everyone who wants to watch you get married your not being unreasonable it's the chance of a life time. Do what make yous both happy don't live to please everyone else because it never works out somebody's always going to be upset about something. Live for the moment as life's too short to live to please everyone else. Won't work good luck 🍀🤞 and I pray that you are together for as long as you are both in love and happy to be with each other. 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🤞☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

@Merry05 this was exactly us, we had booked it here, and things were spiralling out of control - being told we had to invite people we'd never met, making choices over canapes and flowers - none of it what EITHER OF US (because DH nor I are controlling either other) wanted our wedding to be. I made a throwaway comment one day of can we just run away and do this alone, I just want to be married to you none of this shit.
He came home from work about a week later saying ' do you really want to do that?' We looked into it (actually looked into Gretna and Vegas) and that night used half of the wedding savings to book 6 nights in Vegas instead, getting married on the 3rd day there.
We spoke to the venue we'd originally booked who were happy to switch us to an evening BBQ party with DJ and that was it. There was no 'fuck you' to our parents, there was no snubbing of family and friends, we told people there had been a change of plan and the wedding they were invited to would start at 5pm rather than 3pm as we would be getting married and having our honeymoon the week before - initially everyone was a bit shocked, then said it was totally us, and still couldn't wait. We put wedding photos of us in front of the fountains and in our rooftop ceremony on the tables as centrepieces. All of it was perfect in every way and just how we wanted our day to be.

Why do people think its ok for parents/family to dictate how a couple should get married? Parents don't have a god given right to dictate or guilt trip their dc into doing something they don't want to do just to accommodate their feelings! I am very close to my family and also my dc but if i had chosen to elope with just the two of is my family would never have tried to guilt trip or sulked because of it. I would also never do that to my dc if thats how they want to get married! Its the couples day not the relatives day, some people are so selfish!

If you're expecting your Mum to look after your kid while you jet off to get married then you ABU. How long will you be away for & how old is your child? You haven't really given us enough info to work with tbh.

That’s what I suspect, @DangerousAlchemy . The OP has asked her Mum to look after their child for a couple of weeks so they can get married and honeymoon in Vegas. She’s NBU to ask but her Mum is also NBU to not want to do this. Personally, I’d probably provide the childcare, but there’s no obligation to.

Book it!

A wedding is meant to be about you and your partner. What anyone else wants has nothing to do with it.

I regret bending over backwards for others on my wedding day. It made it so much more stressful for me and they didn't appreciate it!